[Patagonia]

I'm not trying to start a fight here of who is better. Every couple makes their own decision whether they wanto have children. I totally understand that. My hubby & I went 11 yrs w/o kids & I thought we'd be just fine w/or w/O kids. Didn't matter. But here's my question.

I have a very close friend whose been married over 24-25 yrs....long time. No kids. They have animals. Last wk an animal got lose & didn't come home. This is an Indoor, mostly animal & knew it was lost. So a massive search went on for over a week. Driving around. Walking fields in the middle of the night. Posters. Everything you could imagine!
They said it was like losing a child. This was their child & they'd do anything to get their child back including spending $$ on wild options.
I have issues w/ this comparison. I'm a huge pet person myself & we've always had several pets at once. I can understand the attachment, the heartache. But to compare it to a child.....

My friend said the animal would always look at her w/ such adoration. I can understand those moments gazing at my child, but also those looks from my kids that makes them like a monster & wonder if that kid is actually mine! Lol.
Am I just being unkind to think this shouldn't be compared? I certainly wouldn't say, "well you have no idea what it's like bec you don't have kids..." But this did rub me the wrong way.
Your thoughts?

[lowinmood]

for them there pet is their child, for you it isn't - we are all different, we all view our pets in a different way, for me I can't have children, physically can't and all I wanted to be was a mother, so my pets are like my children, just as important, but I know for other people, especially if they are able to have children, then their pets aren't as important, this I accept, but if someone told me that I was wrong to view my pet as less important as a child, this would really upset me, because this is the only way I can be a mother, which has always been important to me.

[Patagonia]

Thank you for that response lowinmood. I appreciate it & it does help me understand. This person has chosen not to have children & I can see where it does take that place of being a mom. Thank you

[RomanSunburn]

In a way, pets are like children. In either case, you bring a living creature into your home promising to love it and take care of it with the understanding that they are entirely dependent on you.

Funny enough, as I was typing that, my cat ran over and jumped in my lap.

[lowinmood]

I wish I had children, and I know if I did they would come first over any pet, but when you get close to a pet, as you would a child, they become people, unique individuals, they just have fur on them that's all - well not if you have pet fish but you get the jist!

sitting with my rabbit now awww

[IrisBloom]

I understand a childless person feeling like a pet is their child. And tho I don't think I'd ever come to think of an animal as a child, I could see getting overly attached if they are your only companion.

[chimera17]

Before I had children, I felt that way toward my cat. When I had kids, I actually developed an antagonistic attitude towards the pets I had at the time. Since then, it is very difficult for me to compare pets with children. Theoretically I can get it, and I am very good at giving sympathy but I just can't feel it, and basically it boils down to this: As a pet owner, if life progresses normally, you will almost certainly outlive your pet. You know logically at the time you become the pet owner that one day you will sadly have to say goodbye. As a parent, you are not supposed to outlive your children. In that regard, our relationship with our fur babies can never really be like the relationship we have with human children.

Not having children in no way diminishes the value or nurturing capabilities that someone has! It just isn't fair to compare parenting with pet ownership, no matter how easy it is to try that comparison. I also think it is a big emotional risk and potentially unhealthy to put too much of the parent/child expectations into a pet relationship, especially given the fact you will almost certainly outlive your pet. It is just asking for heartache

[Moreta]

I can't have kids, so I have 3 cats and 2 dogs. I love my animals and would do anything for them.

[FireIsland123]

My cat is not my child. My cat is my therapist.
When chaos swirls around me and worry controls me, she sits contently. Eyes closed. Front paws tucked under her. Purring. She accepts there are things she cannot change. Lives in the moment.
She, like most pets, never lies or cheats. (OK. Maybe indulges in catnip or steals a mouse that a neighbor cat has had on eye on.)
Sits and listens to me ramble. Isn't judgemental. Doesn't tell me what to do. Doesn't charge a co-pay or tell me I can't have another appointment for six weeks. Sure, scratches up the furniture. Isn't potty trained. No big deal.
Sure, I don't see her or treat her a human being. Shes not my child. I don't talk to her in baby talk. But I know I'll ball my eyes out the day she's gone.
I just appreciate what she brings into my life. (Even if some days, its just a little something in the cat box.)
She doesn't ask for much for much in return.
A co-worker had a dog that had gotten so old feeble that it couldn't climb the stairs. So each night he'd carry him (all 60 or so pounds of him) up to bed. He said he did it because he knew, that if he was in the same situation, his dog would carry him up the stairs if he could.
I just think every situation is unique. For some people, a pet is the only family they have. Others treat their pets as their kids. Some even treat their kids like dogs.
Hold on. The cat is scratching the couch. Guess she's telling me this session is over. Or maybe she's just happy. She'll let me figure it out. See, I told you she was a good therapist!

[coyotee]

Originally Posted by chimera17

Before I had children, I felt that way toward my cat. When I had kids, I actually developed an antagonistic attitude towards the pets I had at the time. Since then, it is very difficult for me to compare pets with children. Theoretically I can get it, and I am very good at giving sympathy but I just can't feel it, and basically it boils down to this: As a pet owner, if life progresses normally, you will almost certainly outlive your pet. You know logically at the time you become the pet owner that one day you will sadly have to say goodbye. As a parent, you are not supposed to outlive your children. In that regard, our relationship with our fur babies can never really be like the relationship we have with human children.

Not having children in no way diminishes the value or nurturing capabilities that someone has! It just isn't fair to compare parenting with pet ownership, no matter how easy it is to try that comparison. I also think it is a big emotional risk and potentially unhealthy to put too much of the parent/child expectations into a pet relationship, especially given the fact you will almost certainly outlive your pet. It is just asking for heartache

I agree with everything you just said. And I was a real dog lover before I had my son, now that's the last thing I would want to bring into my home.

I have a friend who tried to build a case about how his dog was his kid - that the two are interchangeable. I didn't say much because I get it, he loves his dog and he really is an exceptional dog owner and wants some credit for it, but I was secretly boiling over - the stress, the responsibility, the cost ... the stakes are so much higher. The love is so much greater.

If someone wants to say their kids are their pets, and it makes them happy and it makes them have a better purpose - than I'm all for it and I'll play along with it and go to their pup's birthday party. There is no reason to be mean. Let them have their animals and their happiness. Calling yourself a parent to a pet is any easy way to express that dedication of pet ownership. But by that same token, I just don't want anyone to insult my role as a mother (to a human being) and say that the roles are exactly the same.

[RomanSunburn]

Originally Posted by chimera17

You know logically at the time you become the pet owner that one day you will sadly have to say goodbye. As a parent, you are not supposed to outlive your children. In that regard, our relationship with our fur babies can never really be like the relationship we have with human children.

I would like to point out that the minute you bring a child into the world, you know you will have to say goodbye to them at some point as well. Assuming you're doing your job as a parent (to a human child), then you are preparing them to leave you. Hopefully it's not because you outlive your children, but it can still be incredibly painful.

(This has nothing to do with the parenthood/pet-ownership debate. I just felt it needed to be pointed out.)

Originally Posted by chimera17

As a parent, you are not supposed to outlive your children. In that regard, our relationship with our fur babies can never really be like the relationship we have with human children.

Not having children in no way diminishes the value or nurturing capabilities that someone has! It just isn't fair to compare parenting with pet ownership, no matter how easy it is to try that comparison. I also think it is a big emotional risk and potentially unhealthy to put too much of the parent/child expectations into a pet relationship, especially given the fact you will almost certainly outlive your pet. It is just asking for heartache

I have to disagree with this. My parents outlived two of their children. I watched multiple families bury their children. Unless you are living in fantasy land as a parent believing nothing bad will ever happen to your kids, the biggest fear you have is that something WILL happen to your children and you will lose them, and what would happen to a child to take a child out of your life is bound to be MUCH more lastingly traumatizing. A child cannot be replaced. I've seen it happen far too many times to think otherwise. Parenting is probably the biggest emotional risk a person can make in life.

You might say a pet cannot be replaced, but I disagree. Yes, it hurts to lose of loved pet, but they can be replaced with a new loving companion animal. That cannot happen with a child.

[gayleggg]

My daughter has decided not to have children. She has two dogs that she treats and feels that they are her children. She would do anything for them. I have accepted that they are my grandchildren and love them dearly. I feel for her when she loses one because while you can replace an animal you can't recreate the bond that you have with a loved pet. You can love another one but you can't replace one that's gone.

I have a friend that still hasn't over come her grief of losing her beloved poodle. She had no children but she had 15 years with a beloved companion. Every one is different and consider pets in different ways. They also grieve differently.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[lizardlady]

You might say a pet cannot be replaced, but I disagree. Yes, it hurts to lose of loved pet, but they can be replaced with a new loving companion animal. That cannot happen with a child.

Losing a loved one, whether human or animal, hurts and neither can be replaced. My husband died 15 years ago. I could remarry, but the new husband would not "replace" the one who died. Same holds true for pets who die. When a pet dies, I might get another pet, but the new one does not "replace" the one that died.

Folks, loss is loss. I'm one of those single adults with pets and no kids. I didn't have kids by choice, but that's a whole different topic. I would not compare my love of my pets to the love some people have for their children. Let's face it. There are people out there who never should have had kids. Again, that's a whole different topic.

While I've never had a child die, I've experienced plenty of grief. When I was in high school my extended family going as far as first cousin numbered 105. Today I am the only one still living. I think that gives me some cred to talk about grief. It hurts when we lose someone or some thing we love. Can we please not minimize the pain a person is feeling by saying it was "only" a pet? I'll be honest. I had a closer relationship with some of my animals than I did with some of my relatives. The deaths of those critters hurt more than the death of those people.

[specialneedsmom]

I am a parent, and I lost a beloved pet this past year. He ran away and I put up posters and everything. In some ways, it was worse than if he had died, because I don't know where he is now, and I have no closure.

I love my pets almost as much as I love my kids. Its not the same, it is a different kind of love. Of course, I put my human children first.

[specialneedsmom]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

I had a closer relationship with some of my animals than I did with some of my relatives. The deaths of those critters hurt more than the death of those people.

I feel the same way. I've had so-called "friends" and family members in my life that caused so much grief and pain for me, that I am glad they are gone. Some left by choice, some passed away, but I still grieve more over some of the pets I've lost, than over some of these people.