Adopted son personifying stuffed animals?

I posted a few months ago about my adopted son (who is now nine), and I'm glad to say things have definitely improved since then! He's such a lovely little boy.

He no longer has such a furious temper and short fuse, and I know that my family members have finally started to see him as my son, rather than just a crazy kid we got stuck with.

Anyway, for Christmas DH and I got him this stuffed raccoon and a teddy bear, and since then he's been completely obsessed with them. I wasn't into stuffed animals as a kid, so I wouldn't really know what's normal behaviour or not, but his therapist has suggested we try and wean him off. The only problem is....I don't agree with her!

Racoon and Sergeant Bear (very imaginative, I know!) have become our son's best-friends. They go everywhere with him, and I think if either of them went missing it'd be like WWIII. But ever since he got them it's been...weird? I don't know how to describe it, but I think he believes they can both actually speak. DH had a toy as a kid, but he said he always knew that it wasn't actually alive.

The therapist is saying it's not healthy for LR (that's what I call him: Little Russian) to converse as if his toys are real, that he's depersonalising his anxieties and traumas onto his stuffies. But, and I know I'm no therapist, to DH and I it's been a honest-to-God miracle. When LR doesn't want to do something he has issues telling us, but since Christmas he's been saying it's his toys who dislike the idea. I see it more as a way for him to convey his thoughts and feelings, without the fear or punishment or anger. Like he can blame them if something goes wrong.

Take for instance, lunch yesterday: DH suggested we get pizza after we visit the park, but LR told us that Sergeant Bear wanted hot dogs instead. We both knew that it was LR that wanted hot dogs, but that he was scared to tell us. We spoke with Sergeant Bear (via LR, of course; neither me, nor DH, speak Bear) and agreed on a plan, and ultimately I thought it was a very positive experience. LR got to express his opinion without the pressures of us getting upset or angry with him, and he got to see that we're willing to listen to his ideas and suggestions. But then his therapist totally destroyed any happiness I had about the trip: she said that LR was being emotionally stunted by his need to talk through his animals and that we should take them away.

Now, I know I'm not a professional in any respect, but I do know my son, and I know that taking his friends away will any traumatise him more. DH agrees with me, but I thought I'd take to the internet to get another opinion before I decide what to do.

Sorry for the long ramble, and thanks for any advice. ^-^

I agree with you. He's found a safe way to communicate with you. He won't keep speaking through stuff animals forever;eventually he'll move on to speaking for himself. Seems like a good in between stage for him. That T sounds like a bit of a hard ***. Is he a child therapist? Don't they use similar techniques like this to help kids find a safe way to communicate what they need?

i totally agree with lola, he is only finding his voice and to rip that away from him might set him back leaps and bounds

I am adopted and so I know about that and I have a 10 year old son so I think I can offer an opinion that has some backing to it.

Some kids really latch on to their stuffies and that is ok. My son has a stuffed dog that he has had for a few years, he sleeps with him every night. Rover is my son's sibling, best friend, confidant and is always there for him. He knows that Rover is not real but does give him security. Your son has gone through a tramatic event, adoption is not easy for anyone, and he has found his voice using his stuffies. He will outgrow the need to use the stuffies as he grows more and more comfortable with you.

Follow your mommy instincts, you know your son the best. Personally if a therapist told me to go against my instincts I would be finding a new therapist.

Thanks for your input, guys. I really did feel like taking away Racoon and Sergeant Bear was the wrong decision, but your assurances have really put my mind at ease. I definitely think I will be finding a new therapist for him, the one LR sees now is very kind, but I don't think she's more up-to-date on some methods and some of the stuff she suggests is very....out-there? I don't know, but DH has been looking for someone that will suit our family more and LR is actually very excited to get away from ' bossy lady' as "Sergeant Bear" calls her.

Thank you again

I know there is a child therapist who specializes in play therapy where my T practices. They have a playroom they do sessions in rather than an office. If you son is referring to her as bossy lady (even through Sergeant Bear) it might be a good sign that he isn't terribly comfortable with this current therapist.

lola, that is EXACTLY why we're changing. I might not agree with some things a therapist chooses to do, but if it helps LR in the long run I'm going to push through. However, when he starts showing signs that he dislikes his therapist or she's making him do something he feels very uncomfortable, or (like now) doing something that absolutely doesn't sit right with me, DH, or LR, then that's when we know it's time to make a change.

Do you have an advice on how DH and I can go about explaining why LR acts the way he does to family members or other people in general? Most of them don't seem to understand that he feels safer with his stuffed pals, and my MIL took them away whilst he was sleeping over at her house. I only found out when I went to pick him up, but let me tell you, I was furious. And the school doesn't seem particularly thrilled that I asked if LR can take his stuffies in his backpack. I'm just not sure how to convey that, right now, LR needs his toys to show how he feels and express his opinion.

My son sees a therapist. He sees her in an office but it is filled with toys for him to play with while he talks with her.

Things are different here in Canada but I know my son's school would allow him to take a small stuffy in his backpack.

My son is autistic so we get a lot of negative feedback on our parenting. I try very hard to keep my cool with family and friends who just don't get it, but I do let them know that this is the way we do things.

Thank you all for your help

I think I can rest easier now, knowing that I'm doing the right thing to benefit LR. DH is happy we're getting rid of 'bossy lady', too!

I agree with everyone about not taking the toys away. If it were my son, I would listen to the stuffed animal about wanting hot dogs, for example. Then I would say to my son "I know you are telling me through the toy that it really is you who wants the hot dogs, and that's OK". Also, because he's nine, I would tell him that he shouldn't talk through the toys and take them with him everywhere in public because people will think he's being strange. People don't do that, they can't go to school. I'd say the school doesn't allow it. And I'd keep trying to emphasize that it is ok for him to speak for himself. But I'd let him have the toys at home as much as he wants and not take them away at all.

I also agree with allowing your son to use his stuffies to help him be able to communicate with you. Over time he will be able to process his feelings and communicate with you directly. I would also recommend changing therapists. Making sure you find one who is experienced with trauma.

I told my kids that they shouldn't take their baby blankets all over with them because what if it got lost. And they really liked that reason, because you even said if he lost them it would be WWIII. He is 9 years old. Also, you could suggest he can try to be a ventriloquist with them. Show him video of famous ventriloquist. Maybe this can be a creative outlet.

And that therapist who said take them away from him should be shot. What a meanie!

He sounds a smart little boy who has found a way to communicate in a way he is comfortable - lol at 'bossy lady', sergeant bear sounds smart too.

Did you manage to find a more suitable therapist? How is he doing now?

My sons all have stuffed animals. There are times there's communication via stuffed animals, yet, all three are maturing into young men that have confidence to speak their minds. It's like a security blanket. If it's a benefit to your family through this adjustment, why not?
I agree about coaching into the idea of what if they get lost in school or a store, but at home or even an occassional car ride, at least you're all talking, know what I mean?

How did your search for a different T go?