Trigger Warning!

This post is about death so if this is a trigger please stop reading!

I have 3 children. Their young-ish.

8 yrs ago my family went thru a very tragic death of our 23month old niece who died in a very preventable household accident. It has done major damage in our lives, our marriage & our parenting.

But the situation I wanted to ask about started before this accident. Probably as being a new mom.

I'd wake from nightmares of losing my child in death to some horrible catastrophe etc & my reaction to it.
Sometimes I'd catch myself dissociating about an incident that left my child in my arms dead & how I felt & how I'd deal with this. The thoughts just race & get bigger & more graphic & worse.
I literally have to shake my head & yell at myself to stop it! Splash water on my face to calm myself down that I didn't need to think about this. It's all just a dream or idea.
So I stop.

Then I think...well what would I do? How would I feel? How would I handle this?
It could happen...anytime...any place. Maybe I do need to think about how I'd get thru it.

Then again I think....that'll never happen...my kids will grow, get older & I'll pass first. Like it's supposed to be.

Then again I think...but what if I'm wrong?

It happened a lot when I was a new mom. I not sure if that's normal. Then we had this death in our family & maybe feeling like something like this COULD happen brings it on occasionally. Do other parents think this way?
I know I can't dwell on it. Change the future or live in constant fear. I let my kids explore & attempt things that might hurt them i.e. Ride a bike w/o training wheels...that kind of stuff. I wouldn't say I'm overly protective. I know they will get hurt.

But the thoughts every once in awhile r really powerful & scare me.
Do you guys ever feel this way too? How do you handle these thoughts?

Thanks for your help!

I don't know if it's normal for "normals" but maybe it is for a parent with MI. I remember when my kids were small I'd create scenarios in my head about what I would do if a disaster happened. One I never figured out was if our apartment caught on fire. I had 3 kids at that time. I could carry 2 out at one time, but not 3, so which 2 would I grab first? Luckily it never happened. And when I had my last child I had post-partum depression and I was worried more than necessary that something would happen to him. Nothing bad happened, he just turned 21.

I think especially when a closely related child has died it will certainly crank up your motherly anxiety! I would call that perfectly normal. You know you can't protect them at all times and things will happen beyond your control.

Are you getting treatment for anxiety? Not that this kind is bad, but it can get out of hand. Don't let worry consume you. You should be enjoying the time you have with your kids instead of worrying about what might be.

Be sure to tell your doctor about your anxiety and concerns.

OMG I soooo catastrophize things happening to my son. I had one miscarriage pretty far along before I had my son, so my anxiety started before he was even conceived. He's 21 and I still worry in excess to the actual situation. Like you, I imagine some god awful circumstance then have to force myself out of it. I've never discussed this with anyone so I don't know if it's a normal thing or not. I think I must feel it's a little extreme as I worked to make myself let go at the appropriate points. I didn't have parents who kept me safe and I think I'm afraid I'll fail too. I handle most things (like scrapes and bruises, even broken bones and stitches). But there is a part of me that fears I'm not strong/smart enough to keep him safe. I think that's why these thoughts are so devistating -- not only is it the pain of loss, but the pain of failing at the most important task I've ever undertaken. I could probably stand to talk this over with a professional. Thanks for bringing it up.

Wow this is actually me! From the day I left alone in the hospital with my baby I was convinced she would die. I started to wonder if I should even take her home because there was no point becoming attached to this person.

I did have post natal depression and anxiety and it was awful. I wouldn't let anyone take her out if the house without me until she was 10 months old. The first time she stayed at my dad's I almost had a panic attack.

She's 7 now and she knows nothing of this, but it still goes in to varying degrees. Some days I don't think about it, other days I'm convinced that if she goes to school something awful is going to happen. In summer my dad takes her to his house for a week but it's a 5 hour drive. The time between them leaving and then calling to let me know they got there is horrific. I cry, I wander round the house.. it's stupid. I even once was so upset that I had even started to think about what songs I would have to choose for her funeral.

I'm a single parent and don't have my family nearby so it is always just me and her. We do literally everything together. And now she's showing signs of not wanting to be separated from me. I went to my works Christmas party last year and she played hell with me because I was going out without her.

I don't think this will ever stop and I absolutely dread the teenage years. The thing is our children could be the safest and most reliable people, but it's the ones that aren't that can take them away and you have no control over that whatsoever. I really hate it. I'm so glad other people do this!

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Sometimes the obsession would be over what life would be like without one of my kids. Would I still hear their voice? Did I take more pics of one than the others? Did I save any of their artwork etc. It can really invade my thoughts & I have to be careful not to let it snowball & get out of control.

I haven't watched or listened to any, ANY news broadcasts for 9 yrs. I did watch the 11pm news the nite president Obama was first elected. I wanted to witness that. But I can't tell you anything about the news except what I hear from others.
I had to stop it Bec it became so terribly triggering for me.
It's helped a great deal & ignorance is bliss in my case.

My heart goes out to you on the loss of your neice. You sound very traumatized and it's understandable to have such a reaction after something so terrible.

I believe I can relate in a way. My child became very ill when he was young and I never wanted to admit how terrified I was that I'd lose him, I couldn't face the thought of being without him. (He is fine right now, don't worry) but it's a lifelong concern. Letting my kids out of my site became a sickness. I've gotten better in some ways, i don't hold my kids back, but it's very hard to let them out the door sometimes. I wish I had a concrete solution but I think therapy might be the best option. You can't go on feeling like this. (Advise I need to take as well)

The death of our niece has transformed our lives for the worse. We've tried therapy several times & no help. My hubby is totally damaged from it & it's a taboo subject to discuss.
God forbid when my kids get older & start to ask questions about it Bec it won't be pretty to rehash.