Therapist says DD needs her own room

I'm not happy!
Last conversation w/ T throws a huge wrench into our living situation.
Originally I had my 2 DD share a bedroom. Then my DS has his own bedroom.
My hubby & I share a bedroom.
We're all packed into a pretty small house. Very little privacy.

We've had a lot of issues w/ our oldest who is now 11yo & to help we moved her, temporarily into DS room & moved DS who is 6yo into Other DD room who is 8yo.
Confusing I know.

But this is only temporary. All their stuff is still in their original rooms.

So now the T says that oldest DD needs stability & her privacy & we need to make the room switch. That's a lot of work! And a lot of crap to move.

Problem is what do I do w/ DS who will need his privacy soon too from his sister that also shares the room!
We don't have a lot of room in this house! I don't know what to do....besides move! Not possible anyway.

I'm kind of angry at this T Bec to her it's an easy solution but it doesn't fix anything!

What should I do?

there are ways to give the two girls their own space\rooms and also move the son back in his own room. at 8 and 6 girls and boys should be starting to separate into their own rooms anyway due to natural body developments that usually happen between the ages of 8 and teen age for girls.

heres how my wife and I are working the problem out with our three children (two girls and a boy one boy and one girl are twins,) they are still very young but we are trying to work in each having their own space actual bedroom space in this fixer upper we are in is limited.

we placed the two girls in the largest bedroom, the boy in the smallest and my wife and I in the middle sized room.

then we took the girls dressers and placed them in the center of the room each facing the direction of each girls side of the room we also added two book cases back to back so that each girl had a book case facing their side of the room. now each girl has their own room with a futon style bed that can be placed up like a sofa or down like a single sized twin bed. this way when the girls are old enough for sleep overs and company they have seating playing room as well as room for an air mattress for their company. when the girls are older we plan on adding dresser top mirrors. for extra lighting each girl has a touch lite firmly secured on the wall above the head of their beds.

it took some work and some compromise to do this as my wife and I had to give up our master bedroom but in the long run we feel thats whats best for the children. at some point in the future we plan on putting in actual walls to separate the two girls

can you divide the rooms with a curtain for the 2 younger kids so your son can have privacy?

she probably said that because she is the closest to being a teenager. i always thought it was the oldest child who would get the private room, for that reason.

She'll have to learn to live with it. Part of growing up is learning you can't have everything you want. I think the boy needs his own room on account of gender differences.

maybe i don't know what i am talking about but 6 and 8 are still close enough in age that i don't see how it matters as much now--but maybe i am wrong--either way you can divide the rooms and teach the other child to respect privacy-no going on the other side without permission unless its to leave the room, that sort of thing.

with out all the graphics that can trigger someone children go through what here in the USA is called pre puberty. where early blooming girls and boys bodies prepare for being teen agers. some develop physically in their bathing suit areas the same way as a pre teen and teen ager does with the same identical physical problems that have to be dealt with. not to mention this age grouping is also the experimental show me yours Ill show you mine, lets play house like mommy and daddy and other sexualized normal play children sometimes do.

most parenting classes and department of human services, treatment providers in the USA say\teach the usual age of separating gendered children into their own rooms and having a boys room and a girls room, teach knocking before entering, good touch bad touch, each persons body is their own for only their self ...that kind of stuff in preschool , 5 years old at the latest, simply so as to avoid future problems that can occur with 6-10 year olds boys and girls entering pre puberty stages.

sorry, i wasn't really considering that....

maybe you should bring that^^ up with the therapist.

I agree. Unless the therapist plans to find and pay for a larger home, then the kids will have to deal with it. Siblings sometimes just have to share a room. No, they may not like it, but it is what it is. They have to learn to deal with it. End of discussion with therapist, and therapist can work with daughter in figuring how to accept that it is what it is.

Thank you for the comments it really helps.
More details.
We moved the oldest DD to her own room Bec of being highly sexualized & asking her sib to "help". She's also doing a lot of masturbating. So we thought the separation from her sib was important.

My DS who's 6 loves being in the room w/his Sis who's 8. They get along well & I think he was lonely in his room.

One big problem is the way the girls bedroom is set up. We custom made these beds for them.
The ceiling is lofted & one bed is suspended from the ceiling so it's like a bunk bed or nest. So it's 6' off the floor.
The room is small.
The other bed is basically built on top of a 6 drawer bureau system. The bed is 4' off the floor & on rollers.
So the beds make an "L" shape.
Really hard to move.
We had this done when they were little hoping to add space. It worked but they still seem on top of ea other.

I like the idea of splitting the room somehow...its just coming up with something that works.

I just hated that this was the answer the therapist gave...well, move the kids.
I had 6 sibs growing up & none of us had our own room! We keep rearranging things for our oldest & she doesn't seem to be moving along in her issues.

I'd very much like to give my kids their own space. We r packed in here like sardines in the first place & "space boundaries" apparently are an issue.

Maybe that's for another post.
Ugh.

Oh, with that detail then, yes, she needs to be separated from her siblings and supervised very closely around them. That's a serious situation and absolutely necessary for safety.

It does sound very complicated. I don't see how it can work in the long run? I would either look at saving to add on and convert a garage, attic, basement, or porch space to a bedroom or at buying a different house and/or figure out another way to get the children enough privacy but not so they are living in their bedrooms; bedrooms are for sleeping.

I would make them their own storage or sitting/study areas and see if I could spend more time with each, alone. If I had a walk-in closet or something I'd convert that to the oldest girl's space, only she would be allowed in there with her clothes/stuff/perhaps desk to do homework, etc. and try to neutralize shared bedrooms so no one cared a lot since they would just be for sleeping, have a bed and dresser perhaps.

Tricky situation ((((HUGS PATAGONIA)))
I agree w/ mostly everything already said...check out some parenting websites and pint rest for ideas for some creative solutions All I can add otherwise is that in my state it is actually "illegal" for children of opposite sex over the age of 5 to reside in same bedroom- not meaning criminal but if dcf or anyone brought a motion to court against you....most likely you would be facing a abuse/ neglect charges. Generally, if there were no other issues they would ask if you were able to provides immediatelya temp solution that the court found accept and give you 30- 90days max to resolve the situation completely or they would take your children out of home until you could provide appropriate living conditions. Bit interestingly enough... there is no requirement that stated that adults must reside in a bedroom w/ a door just children...so I know a lot of ppl who have moved into the living room at least temp until they could afford a lrgr living space. Or figure something else out.

Wow, culture clash. I shared with my "opposite" sex sibling until we were 8 and 6. People would have laughed at the idea that we couldn't share a room.

Everyone in my country that I know of that had three kids and only two rooms have always let the older kid have a room of their own and they younger kids have shared. No matter of gender.

That that would be child neglect is just beyond me.

When my friends little brother and sister wanted separate rooms (no they did not pair up the 14 year old girl and the 9 year old girl leaving the 7 year old boy alone, they let the kids close in age share), the parents decided to give up their bedroom.

I would have gone nuts sharing rooms after age 10 especially if a 6 year old sibling got their own room.

Crap! No easy answers here! Just not sure what to do.
Thanks for all the advice. We'll figure something out hopefully

yeah, i sort of agreed with this...

We might be moving our "bedroom" into the basement when we need to give up our room. Our basement right now is the "family room" Bec the tv is there.
Husband won't sell house. Have to make it work somehow

The girls should be together the boy should be seperate.

This is really all the information you need to make a decision. I think your therapist is 100% right. Your older daughter is sexually abusing her little sister. It is your job to protect your younger daughter from sexual abuse. Otherwise your therapist is a mandated reporter and would need to call DFS to ensure your daughter's safety. This issue is not about your older girl having her own room. It is about protecting your younger daughter from sexual abuse. Plenty of people on the forum have written about how sexual abuse from a sibling has changed them for life-- it is extremely serious. Just because they are both girls does not make it any less serious. The entire point of separating boys and girls is to try to prevent the possibility of this kind of stuff from happening. But in your house, the problem is with the older girl instigating things with the younger girl-- not with your little girl and little boy. So you need to separate the children where it is actually a real problem!!

Yes and she SHOULD report it to DCF if you don't protect your daughter.

No, not if the younger daughter is in potential danger.