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Therapy Ninja
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: How did I get here?
Posts: 10,308
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#21
I am mixed on this. My own stepdad came into my home when I was about eleven. My body was already undergoing puberty and it was all new to me. I was pretty unaware the impact a developing teen may have had on an adult males sensibilities. My stepdad made similar requests. In some ways it felt shaming unnecessarily. In some ways it felt like he was intruding on my home and the way I always lived. But on the other hand, I was doing my own laundry at that age.
If you told your stepdaughter that you are asking her to cover up out of respect for her it will be a much more positive message than shaming her over your values. It would be better boundaries for both of you to keep covered around each other, not just her. I think you have good boundaries you are just focusing on the wrong person. You really need to convince her mom you won't get anywhere otherwise. Again, the morals thing seems intrusive to me. Putting it in terms of mutual respect and this is how older men should treat you with respect, by caring about your privacy. The robe sea was a nice thought. Tough situation!! |
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,302
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#22
It sounds like the person who has an issue in this situation is you. There is nothing sexual about a 15-year-old girl in a towel in her own home. Asking her to change her attire and her behavior to accommodate you-- because you are having a reaction to her body-- is unfair and shaming. Most people do walk around their houses in their bath towels when they are getting ready and no one views it as sexual. Asking a girl (or a woman) to change her attire because a man feels uncomfortable just doesn't seem right. It's her body and her house. i see nothing wrong with her behavior. She is not trying to simply "get her way." It sounds like she is reacting to the fact that suddenly some guy her mom picked gets to dictate what she can wear in her own house. The home shouldn't be a place where a young woman's body gets to be policed and sexualied and shamed. I certainly walked around my house in a towel when I was a teenager and getting ready in the morning. It would have been detrimental to my self-worth and sense of safety if an adult male had made a big deal out of my body and insisted I wear knee-length/full-sleeve garments at all times to accommodate them.
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Junior Member
Member Since Dec 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 17
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#23
I believe this is very delicate theme. The issue is that you have to set boundary and be careful with the pressure. But the teenager should know the rules. Otherwise you will meet the anger. I found those tips for you and hope it will help.
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