Grandparents want one child at a time

Hello - I wanted to get opinions from other parents on this: My mother-in-law and father-in-law have asked me and my husband if they could have our children at their house for a week in the summer one at a time. We have a daughter that just turned six in january and our son is turning five next week. Our kids are 14 months apart in age and are close emotionally. My son is in school for half days while his sister is in school all day and he has no issues being away from her during that time. In the past they've been apart a few times for a couple of days but I personally think a week is too long for them to be gone and separated. My husband discussed this with his mother and she told him that we're making a mistake. I honestly don't see what harm it does for the kids to be together..... they both have alone time and I think they're too young for this, especially with the long distance of the in-laws living an hour and a half away from us. We suggested the kids could go there one at a time for a couple-few days and that it wouldn't be consecutive (they wouldn't do it one after another because then it would still be six days away from each other). I am especially hesitant because the grandparents don't follow our methods of parenting and have the attitude that the rules are different when the kids are at their house.... for example my mother-in-law recently made the comment that in her opinion we should've spanked our son because he refused to take a medicine and they don't put our kids to bed at the time we've asked them to multiple times. (So they usually are cranky when they come home from a weekend at their house.) Any opinions or questions are welcome - thanks!

Hello irishmamauv: I don't a particular opinion to share with you regarding this. However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Great question w/pros & cons. Ultimately it will b up to you & ur spouse. You know best...usually lol.
Do you think they could put the offer off for a yr? Would that be a compromise worth looking at?

I do understand separating the kids for a week away & enjoying them w/o their sibling. I also think it's sometimes easier for the grandparents depending on their age too. It would be a nice break for you & your spouse too.
Going by age, I think the 6yo would be fine, but if your next one only turned 5...that one might be hard. Can the 6 yo do a week & the 5 yo do a few days like a long weekend?

I also understand how a grandparent says they do things their way. Mine said they "have the right" to bec it comes with the title. So ice cream at 11am was ok I guess. But if they believe in spanking, I'd have to draw the line to how you want your kids disciplined. Pick your Wars & stand by them. Also give them the tools they would need as an alternative to spanking. Something that's acceptable to you & ur spouse.

It'll be hard for you to see them go if you choose this, but it's also a growing experience for them as children. They might have a blast. They might not even remember it either. Just don't know.
Wish you luck in your decision.

What are your in-law's reasons for wanting the kids at all and for wanting them separately? It doesn't sound good to me. If it were me, I wouldn't send my kids to stay with the grandparents alone at all. Why would you want to? Spanking? Excuse me? Why? No thank you grandma and grandpa Scrooge! The fact that your kids come home unhappy shows they do not treat them well. Red Flag alert!

I'm not a parent but would never send them alone to a place where they might be spanked. If they are physically fit to deal with 2 kids I only get bad images of why the kids should be separated.

It seems odd to separate them I agree. Your in-laws seem to have very fixed ideas, for instance spanking them.

Don't be afraid to tell them no.

I don't think separating them is too odd if they really wanto focus on just one child, maybe get to know that child better w/o the sibling.
My youngest is very different when he doesn't have his older sibs around.
I think the OP said that the kids came home from their grandparents place unhappy bec the grandparents didn't follow a bedtime? That's my guess but I'm not sure. If kids stay up late it'll cause problems with their routine the next day.
I guess you have to decide if the grandparents were really sincere about spanking them.
My parents both hit me & they've advised me to use their philosophy bec it's what worked for them. I said I would not & I didn't want them to do it to my kids. I think they also know how devastated I'd be if they went against my wishes...& not have the privilege of seeing their grandkids again.

Could be that a 6 & 5 y.o is just too much of a handful for them simultaneously... It doesn't have to be all ominous and sinister.

Geez.

I like the idea of having the 5y.o staying for a long weekend, I know my daughter didn't want to be gone a full week yet at that age.

I agree that its best to explain how you and hubby discipline and outline their routines.

In all honesty my child has never stuck to her routine when gone from home, the idea is her aunts are spoiling her, so yeah, cranky tired, sugar loaded child is what I used to get.

Lol never thought I'd say its so much easier now that she's 13.

Also encourage your 6y.o to report any kind of spanking, if you call her and she does report such an incident, you get your butt down there and collect her, and then obviously don't send your son. Ever

Ok, maybe I overreacted. My parents or in-laws, or any one else's I've ever known, have NEVER asked to have the grandkids. Lol. And my kids are really well behaved! It just seemed so foreign to me, I couldn't even relate. But we know I have issues with family. My apologies for hysteria.

Staying with grandparents when you are 5 and 6 sounds normal to me and a good thing but is a matter of--your H knows them best--does he trust them? We stayed with one set of grandparents all of the time but never stayed with my other grandmother because she was an alcoholic. If you ask them not to spank them, they shouldn't (perhaps suggest what they are used to--time out, etc.) Most kids will tell you they have been spanked. Once a substitute did it to someone in my class when I was a teacher. That's all the kids could talk about when I returned! (The substitute was never asked back at that school again ever!)

I don't think it is all that odd for grandparents to ask for one grandkid at a time. There is a reason grandparents are glad to be grandparents rather than parents; they've done their time and can now take the kids one at a time and hand them back to the parents.

I would simply remind the grandparents of what their usual routine is and how you prefer to handle discipline issues (positive discipline techniques). Most likely there will be no problems; kids tend to be much better behaved and easier handle one at a time and away from their parents.

How about if you will just visit your in laws together with your 2 kids? I am not really sure of since I really don't let my kids to stay in their in laws without me for a couple of days. I am still grateful though that they can totally understand me since I am the mother of my children. Lol