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New Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 4
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Apr 19, 2017 at 03:35 PM
#1
My four year old is not listening and talking back. He screams at me... I try time out and taking stuff away. Any suggestions would be greatly aprecciated. .
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
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Apr 19, 2017 at 10:01 PM
#2
One thing is consistency. Kids need to know if they do x then y is going to happen. That being said, 4 year olds have a lot going on with them. They are not babies but can't do all the things big kids can do. Time outs worked best for us. I would set a timer and when the timer went off he could get up. Taking things away for any length of time, the kid forgets why it was taken away. We have had a harder time of things as my son is autistic but consistency is what works best.
__________________ Mags Depression diagnosed March 1996 PTSD diagnosed January 2000 BPD diagnosed September 2013 |
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 Tiredofsadness
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: In my own little world, NO trespassing!
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Apr 21, 2017 at 12:47 PM
#3
I agree with consistency.
If you use time out, use it every time. Same routine. Broken record talking etc. Then they know the drill. I know it's a pain. Sometimes my SO would do the "I'm going to count to 3" thing...which I hated. He just delayed the inevitable. He'd go so slow, which the kids knew he would & by the time he said 2 I'd jump in & say 3! & follow thru with what he said. I think consistency gets boring for the kids & it helps them move on. __________________ "Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
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Tiredofsadness
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Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 26
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Apr 22, 2017 at 07:52 AM
#4
I've tried time out consistently for months and it turns into a big fight every time more then once a day. I set him in time out he gets up, I put him back, he gets up again. This repeats over and over for an hour or more. I stay pretty calm most times but he starts out thinking it's funny and ends with yelling and screaming mean things at me. I tell him like a broken record "you need to sit still and be quiet for a few minutes your in time out" he never listens. By the time he finally calms down and sits for the few minutes he's already forgotten what he did. Even though the super nanny does this in her show and it somehow works for her that after the first couple times they learn but it's been months and nothing's changed. Lately I have been finding ways to prevent his tantrums instead, like he's about to get mad so I sit and talk with him and distract him and then he forgets (sometimes).
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New Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 4
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Apr 22, 2017 at 09:55 AM
#5
I've been reading about the dyes and artificial flavors. Red and yellow dyes cause hyperactivity in kids. I'm changing his diet and see if that helps at all. I'll keep you posted...Thanks for the advice!!
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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Apr 22, 2017 at 12:57 PM
#6
I never did time outs or taking things away.
I think I'd suggest you simplify everything for now. Just get in to an easy routine. Let him have lots of control of his own time at home. Like choosing his clothes, give two choices and ask him this or this? Read him lots of story books while snuggling together and have fun. I let my kids have control as long as they weren't hurting themselves or others. None of this time out stuff. Forget the Super Nanny. I let my kid wear a winter vest and swim goggles on his head daily for a year. He loved me for it. Do I care what people think? __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Smileonmyface
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Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Clt
Posts: 44
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Apr 22, 2017 at 03:37 PM
#7
Quote:
This was how my mom raised me. I always had to make a decision and so felt like I was in control. My decisions were limited to 2 or 3 choices, but they were mine. My younger brother went to daycare so he got time outs and things taken away and our childhood behavior couldn't have been more different. He was (is) a hellion (screaming, breaking things, drugs). I was a miniature adult. Kids need to know what independence and responsibility feel like while you can still protect them from their naivety and kiss the booboos from their mistakes. And definitely eliminate junk from his diet. I'm really beginning to think that some of the artificial "food" ingredients are responsible for a host of modern ailments. Stick with fruit, veggies and hormone & antibiotic free meat. In fact, if you have room, have him help you grow some of your own food. Weeding and lugging water around will help burn off excess energy and give him a chance to learn something they don't teach in school anymore. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: In my own little world, NO trespassing!
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Apr 22, 2017 at 10:23 PM
#8
There have been studies about temper tantrums & how to listen to them. That kids will reach a pinnacle in them, blow up & then they start their way down & that's when parents need to step in more.
I'll have to see if I can find a link for it. __________________ "Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: nowhere land
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Apr 23, 2017 at 06:44 AM
#9
I don't have any great parenting advice I struggle daily with my own 5 and 3 year olds. It's good to feel like not the only one and it's helpful to read the advice here.
fwiw my 5 year old won't do time out either. i gave up on it. i haven't even tried it with the 3 year old. __________________ 
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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Apr 23, 2017 at 08:43 AM
#10
I raised three boys. 1 and 2 are just under two years apart, then the baby is 5 years younger.
I was a stay at home mom, which I think was an advantage because I was always with them and there for them. I can't credit myself for all their being good kids, because I believe a lot is a kids' nature. But, my parenting experience was really good. I just listened to my own instincts with what to do. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Perpetually Pondering
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Location: New England
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Apr 26, 2017 at 08:53 PM
#11
Yeah, timeouts were a challenge, not that I wasn't trying to be consistent. It turned into my rolling my eyes every pediatric appointment. Ever tried to get a preschool aged child to stay seated while tending to an infant and toddler? One that is strong willed?
Too bad it wasn't until these last couple of years that I began hearing about it not being the end all and be all to parenting. Positive parenting, logical consequences, allowing the choice of punishment to be on their shoulders, not yours. It's about finding what works for you AND your child. Think about it, we, as adults have varying motivating factors, so don't our kids. Proudly a Time Outs Failed Me Mom... I'll tell you, 1, 2, 3...January, February and March of this year, my sons each came home with student of the month certificates... Just don't let it eat at you-this discipline frustration ! It might not be you or your child in this equation. |
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New Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: North Dakota, USA
Posts: 4
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May 22, 2017 at 03:07 AM
#12
Kids are really hard to deal with, I must totally admit that specially the toddlers. When they reach the age of 4, I can say that they totally want to do it on their own and always wanting to deviate from what has been told to them. The key there is patience, perseverance, understanding and routine as well. Its a two way process in which you need to listen to them and respect their thoughts and decision but you also need to tell them what seems to be bad or good for them. Routine also makes it more easy since your kiddo will somehow confuse on what to do next if you will not make it a habit in order for them to grasp everything you want them to do so.
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Member
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: US
Posts: 54
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Aug 04, 2017 at 08:18 AM
#13
Physical punishment is the best option.
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2010
Location: USA
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Aug 05, 2017 at 02:49 PM
#14
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Patagonia, Pflaumenkeks
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Member Since Jul 2016
Location: canada
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Aug 08, 2017 at 08:56 AM
#15
i agree with scorpio..... hitting and spanking doesn't help and eventually they get so used to that.... they won't care and it does damage to their self-esteem and like she said would you want them living in fear of you.
just my 2 cents |
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scorpiosis37
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Aug 08, 2017 at 11:58 PM
#16
From what I've seen kids seem better to rewards than punishment. Yes there should be a consequence to certain things(like a 4 minute time out) but focus more on rewarding good behavior. Also explain to him about how what he did was hurtful, how would he feel if someone did it to him...teach empathy.
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Member
Member Since May 2014
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 180
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Sep 20, 2017 at 03:22 AM
#17
Have you considered consulting a counselor?
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Member
Member Since Sep 2014
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Sep 26, 2017 at 05:11 PM
#18
If one's goal is to make one's children fear and distrust them, lack respect for and loyalty to them, and be secretive and dishonest with them, physical punishment is definitely the best option.
However, if your goal is to raise a thoughtful, compassionate, and mature human being, it takes a LOT of work and effort. It doesn't work to just expect your kids to do what you want, be quiet, and be obedient. It is necessary to be able to be willing to understand their viewpoint and needs, and be someone they can talk to and who they trust. If a child is not getting their needs met, or feels powerless and unimportant, they will do everything they can to control the situation and make themselves important. Unfortunately for 4 year olds, tantrums and anger are one of the few tools they know they have. If, a child who is listened to, and thinks they have options and control still is prone to tantrums, it is often necessary to make sure their routine is appropriate for them, and that their physical needs are being met. It may be that they need a snack at a particular time or another nap or quiet time, or they are prone to getting sad or lonely at a certain par of the day and need one on one time to play or be read to with a trusted adult or older beloved child (like sibling, cousin, neighbor). Time outs can be great, but sometimes people use them too punitively. They are a time for a child to calm down and think and rethink. If time outs make a child too angry and reactive, then something else is needed to accomplish that. Honestly, I often put both my son AND myself in time out together, since by then I was likely frustrated too.we would sit quietly on the couch, not watching tv or playing, I would offer my hand if he wanted to hold it. If, after a little time he wanted to sit in my lap, that also was fine. When we were both calm, we could then talk about what was going on, why he was making the choices he was making, and what needed to be done better on both our parts. At 17 he still makes mistakes, sometimes BIG ones. But he is also a wonderful person who I trust and admire and am proud to have raised. He trusts me and is honest with me and respects me.He actually ENJOYS spending time with me and seeks out opportunities. At 17! This is what worked for me. Maybe there is something in it for you as well.  Don't forget, you ARE a good mother, no one does everything perfectly! |
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Sep 30, 2017 at 12:55 AM
#19
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Last edited by Anonymous40413; Sep 30, 2017 at 02:32 AM.. |
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