[Akane]

My son is just over 3 1/2 and should be starting junior kindergarten in September. I started potty training him a little over a year ago and we have made no progress since the beginning. I will sit him on the toilet and if he needs to go pee he will, that is pretty much the extent of it. For months now he has been going commando at home because if he wears a pull up or underwear or pants he will just pee in them. I was hoping that with nothing on he might tell me when he needs to go but he doesn't he just holds it until I get him on the toilet or until he can't anymore and pees on the floor. He also will not poop on the toilet he will just hide somewhere and go right on the floor. He doesn't seem to be bothered by the mess. It seems to me like he is perfectly happy to just go wherever he's standing and has no motivation or interest in being potty trained not even when I bribe him or try to make a fun game of it. I'm told he can't go to kindergarten unless he is fully potty trained. I feel like I have tried everything I or anyone else can think of and I am at a loss. Is there anyone else who has experienced something similar? What did you find helped?

[roseblossom]

In case it helps, I found it really important not to chide or get cross or get stressed with my son when he had an accident and just to be calm - not saying you have, but mentioning just in case - I noticed some mums did get stressed with their children and this seemed to make it worse. I would keep it matter of fact and just say lets get you cleaned up. Early on I always kept a potty in the living room and from what I remember, I would offer the potty around meal times or if I noticed something about to happen. I kept a pull up nappy on him at night for a long while until it was obvious that he wasn't having any accidents - I didn't want the hassle of changing all the bedding and also not to put pressure on him.

Sometimes I would offer a book while he was on the potty to encourage him to stay if that was an issue.

Initially I always had a potty in the bathroom but this soon progressed to a trainer seat on the toilet and he got used to using this pretty quickly with me lifting him onto it and keeping him safe while he was there.

This may all be obvious, so just ignore if it is - but he adapted pretty well doing the above.

I don't know how tight funds are, but just trying to think outside the box and wondered if you had thought of getting a special coloured potty that he could choose? Or alternatively keep a small selection of board books next to one? Or also have a teddy or a male doll and get it to sit on a toy potty next to him?

I think if he was making messes outside the potty, I may see if getting the potty and making a point of clearing it up into it would help him associate the two - and of course a smile/ praise for when he does it on the potty itself. As he's a little older a star chart might possibly be a good idea too?

Hoping that something may be helpful. Take care.

I would put my son on the potty about 30 minutes after every meal and twice between dinner and bedtime. Just let him sit a minute or so and if nothing happened I just let it be. When he did go, I'd make a big thing of it. It takes a lot of patience.

In my country there is in some hospitals a few people in the Pediatrics department that specialize in incontinence problems in children.. including children "refusing" to be potty trained. Maybe ask your GP (or pediatrician, if you have one) if something like that exists in your hospital/country?

[Patagonia]

My DD has encopresis. Now I'm not saying yours does, but I remember very well the issues of potty training.
Her first problem was holding it & hiding. We soon found out that bec of this she had started to get bowel blockages & it was painful for her so she associated the potty with pain.
We didn't know any of this at that time. Our big mistake was that our pediatrician told us to use a mild laxative then when she'd go, take her off it.
Problem was it started all over again. Looking back we should've kept her on it.

We were told a lot about working reward charts, stickers & short term goals to keep her motivated. Maybe this would help? Like 5 stickers equals cool markers or something etc.

I was told that for a boy, to keep them motivated to go was to let them put cheerios in the toilet & then try to aim for them. Funny!

Keep it very light. No pressure & stick with that routine of going & trying. Yes just a few minutes to try & then a reward.
So what would motivate your child? That's the big question. Something they REALLY want. They can see or touch.

I hope you find something that helps. So you have a year to work or this for kindergarten or does your child start in September?

[Akane]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

My DD has encopresis. Now I'm not saying yours does, but I remember very well the issues of potty training.
Her first problem was holding it & hiding. We soon found out that bec of this she had started to get bowel blockages & it was painful for her so she associated the potty with pain.
We didn't know any of this at that time. Our big mistake was that our pediatrician told us to use a mild laxative then when she'd go, take her off it.
Problem was it started all over again. Looking back we should've kept her on it.

We were told a lot about working reward charts, stickers & short term goals to keep her motivated. Maybe this would help? Like 5 stickers equals cool markers or something etc.

I was told that for a boy, to keep them motivated to go was to let them put cheerios in the toilet & then try to aim for them. Funny!

Keep it very light. No pressure & stick with that routine of going & trying. Yes just a few minutes to try & then a reward.
So what would motivate your child? That's the big question. Something they REALLY want. They can see or touch.

I hope you find something that helps. So you have a year to work or this for kindergarten or does your child start in September?

He starts in September so I only have 4 1/2 months left. I'm worried I might have to send him a year late at this rate. He still sits to pee so using Cheerios I don't think would work but I've heard of that one too. I have been doing sticker charts and rewards but haven't tried immediate rewards that he can see I guess I could try that. Thanks for the ideas everyone.

[Patagonia]

Is he in any daycare now? Just asking about what they use for a routine & also "peer pressure" is there that can help too.
Good luck!

I've been told not to do cheerio-like things, because then you teach your child to pee by tensing certain muscles while you should ideally pee by relaxing certain muscles.

[Akane]

I'm a stay at home mom so he is not in daycare and never has been. I take him to playgroup and the library once a week each. But they don't have any specific activities or schedules. We spent the whole week of March break at my sister's where her daughter who is just a couple months younger is already potty trained. We had hoped seeing his little cousin doing it would motivated him but it didn't work.

[technigal]

I see you are in Canada. I did the Smartie method. When he peed he would immediately get a Smartie, for a pop he got one of the Halloween-sized boxes. He was fully day trained in 3 days.

[Akane]

I tried smarties and other things similar but that was over 6 months ago. I could try again it might work better now that he's older..

[healingme4me]

Can't help much here. Mine sons were all 4yrs old. There's an age old expression,"they won't start kindergarten in diapers." means, by that age they'll be developmentally there. Preschool allowed pull ups for the 2 of mine that started as an early intervention. One son was 4.5. One just magically fell into it on his 4th birthday.

The pressure is stressful. Fingers crossed for 'you'!

[finding myself]

I have potty taught numerous children over the years. I have found a few key things. Making sure they are ready is a big factor. I don't start with boys until they are about 3-3.5 yrs. I ensure there are no control factors going on. Children will use the potty, eating and sleeping as a means of control because those are the only things they actually have control over If you struggle at bed time or at the table chances are you will struggle with the potty as well.

I often have them potty teach their favorite stuffy. I let them know that their stuffy is getting old enough to go on the potty and we teach the stuffy together. We mimic the process exactly including having the stuffy pee on the floor, be scared of the potty, fear of having a bowel movement in the potty, sitting on a big or small potty, requiring support etc. Once the stuffy is potty taught it usually goes quite smoothly for the child as they are in the know, confident in their abilities etc. They want to experience the positive reinforcement their stuffy had.

I do not use treats like candy to aid the process. All too often the child ends up going to the potty over and over to get the treat without doing the work and a whole new issue is raised. I use spending time together and positive reinforcement to provide the desired result. Hope it goes well.