What should my child say to his best friend who is constantly putting him down

My 5-year-old son has a 5 year old best friend.

His friend is the kind who is always telling my son, that he is better or his things are bigger and better.

His friend is always telling him:

I am taller than you
Your water bottle might be taller, but mine is wider, so can hold more water than yours.
My daddy is stronger
My shoes are better than yours

It happens a lot when us parents are around as well. An example would be:

Friend: I am taller than you
Son: <not knowing what to say>
Me: It's ok, doesn't matter who's tall or short as long as they are healthy and active.

Both of them drinking milk

Friend: I finished drinking my milk before you
Son: <not knowing what to say>
My wife: It's ok, it doens't matter who drinks their milk first, its only important to finish.

Both of them playing a game of junior monopoly:

Friend: My daddy is stronger
Son: No my daddy is strong too
Friend: No your daddy is only 30 something years old, my daddy is 42, so he is stronger.
Son: <Not knowing what to say>
This happened in school, my son asked me yesterday if his friends daddy was stronger than me and then narrated this story.

I am aware there are going to be kids like this and it's part of growing up.

But I am also thinking it isn't good for my son to have a best friend who is constantly putting him down or making him feel inadequate.

His friend isn't a mean child, but just that it is in his nature that he sees a need to be first, a winner all the time. He is also manipulative, where can convince my son into doing things he wants to do or play games that he choose to play. Yes, all this at 5 !

What should we teach our child? What should be the right thing to say on his own without feeling inadequate? or being a mean to put his friend down?

There are many things my son does better, like he can read, when his friend cannot read at all yet. My son is good with his number and can count to a 100, when his friend hasn't yet caught up with his counting.

We don't want him to start doing the same thing and learning to say that he is better, at the same time we don't want him to keep listening to this and just think he isn't good enough?

Any advice, suggestions welcome.

Sounds like you are already doing a great job with the examples you are giving your son. Keep on keeping on with that! Your son will learn from you and find his own voice with your morals and sound advice to him.

Thanks Pegasus. Yip, am sure he is learning and will cope. At the same time, I am concerned if we as parents aren't building a competitive spirit in him.

Like his friend's parents, it appears at their home are encouraging him to do things by saying his friend (our son) has done it, for eg., if you don't drink your milk, then your friend is going to grow taller than you. Would you want that?

In our home, we just say, milk is healthy and if you need to grow stronger and taller, you need to be drinking your milk.

Not sure if we aren't building a competitive spirit in him? and he might just learn to settle for whatever he gets.

Why do you need to build a competitive spirit? There is already too much us against them mentality in this world. You child is 5. Let him be 5.

We weren't much into competition-type activities with our boys which was kind of ironic because my husband was a very talented athlete in his day. Rather, we had more of a philosophy of helping our sons simply be comfortable with themselves. When issues arose with others, we encouraged them as much as possible to handle those situations themselves rather than helicoptering in and trying to protect them or fix things for them. We only stepped in when it was an issue that a) they couldn't handle easily by themselves b) after we had discussed a plan of action together they requested our assistance or c) it was truly a matter that needed to be handled by a parent.

We didn't worry about every slight that came up between them and other kids; that's part and parcel to growing up. Kids are not stupid. They can see through other kid's insecurities and character quirks, even when they are very young. It really isn't necessary to jump in and counter everything that other kid says; you are probably bringing more attention to it than really matters to your child -- perhaps you are more bothered by it than your child.

How did that turn out for us? We have 3 very independently-minded grown sons who know how to problem-solve for themselves AND who are quite willing to come to us to talk things through and ask for advice and assistance when needed. They don't collapse at failure. They are kind souls who are respectful of others and are quite capable of seeing through other people's b.s. They have solid personal value systems. They know they are loved and supported, and they know how to love and support others. I call that a win.

Very valid inputs lolagrace and thanks for replying.

We as parents are well aware that we don't want to be fixing every problem for him and want him to develop resilience, persistence, and problem-solving skills on his own. And we can't be choosing his friends for him, that is for him to do and have his own learning experiences.

In this case, both my family and my son's best friends family hang out together quite a lot and are good friends. But every single thing is a competition for my son's friend.

If we are in a lift, he has to press the button first.
If we are in a road crossing, he has to press the button on the traffic lights.
If they are playing a game, then he has to win and if he isn't winning, then the game is boring and has to switch to playing something else.
If we go to a restaurant and if there are only 2 x high-chairs (when they were younger and needed high-chairs), which were different to each other, he decides which high-chair he gets.

Every single thing is competition and he is quite head-strong to get things done his way.

His parents also put up with it and on some occasions even ask my son to adjust or give in because my son is very understanding.

As a parent in this position (or even as a child-minder/teacher, I would have felt the same) it feels a bit wrong that one child is always being put down or in the receiving end.

Our son has told us (not complained, but sort of sharing and that he is not happy about it), about this conflict several times, but we are unsure what to tell him or to help him as to how he can defend himself without being mean or rude.

The competitive spirit is another thing, and I don't think it is essentially a bad thing. Be it competitive sport or grades or being the best in what you do, there is nothing wrong in competing or having a bit of competition, but that should come from within and not from outside imho.