I should point out...

I should point out, that despite my parenting advice, my own was not entirely successful. While I have tended to offer recommendations based upon my personal experience I admit it didn't always work....

I tried my best to raise three children. Two were biological and have turned out pretty damn okay. The third though I was full-time step-mom to and it is concerning this that I miserably failed. Big time.

The odds though were stacked against me. I knew something was terribly wrong with this child from the moment he came into my life at aged two. Things just didn't add up. Though obviously brilliant it was clear his loaded wheel barrel wasn't quite full. It was a struggle from the get go. By four I knew I had a sociopath on my hands. I tried my hardest for 13 years to no avail. By aged 16 I had him taken away by the police never allowing him to return.

Part of the failure was that his father refused to support me in my hardline approach.

So, what is the point of this post? please, Please, PLEASE present a united parental front. Sure you will make some mistakes. Sure you will have some disagreements. But staying on the same page is vitally imparative.

And that boy? He is a 26 year old sociopath. A white supremist who thinks the world owes him everything. A loser who is in constant trouble with the law.

It's very sad to me that you would call your step son a loser.

I have a son that's in trouble with the law all the time and struggles with addiction but I would never,ever call him a loser.He has issues but I still love him and would never call him names like that.

Would yoiu call your biological children losers if they were the way your step son is?

A well, the human condition, dispensing advise we don't take--lol.

Sounds like you had your hands full!! And I know it didn't help any of you that your hubby and you were not on the same page--makes for discord.

I wish you (and him) well...in this journey....

You claim your step-son was damaged goods by the age of 2 and then go on to say horrible things about him. It sounds as though he missed out on having the kind of family who would love him and guide him. From what you write, you had very different feelings towards your biological kids and him. That’s really sad. Knowing you are the unloved sibling can permanently alter who a child is going to become. My advice to any parent would be to show the same kind of love to ALL children growing up in the same home.

Before you rush to judgment ....Actually she didn’t say damaged goods. She said she knew something was terrible wrong. There’s a huge difference.

I knew something was terrible wrong with my biological daughter from the time she was a toddler. She was violent and exhibited psychotic behavior before she was out of diapers. She didn’t see violence on tv because I didn’t have TV. She would fling herself at me in a rage and bite me so hard she drew blood. No amount of explaining that we don’t bite people or any kind of discipline helped. She talked to people who weren’t there frequently I could tell she was hallucinating. She was constantly getting trouble in school for beating up her classmates. and I mean serious beatings not slappy hair pulling spats.

She threw furniture though windows. When she got bigger than me she started attacking me.

She would tell people that she was raised in an orphanage while I was sitting right there In the room. She invented so many scenarios about how I abused that she did actually get taken away from me once. I still remember her screaming when they took her away. She had no concept of consequences if actions.

Well now she’s an adult. She’s been in and out of psych hospitals, never was med compliant,and has done long stints of jail time (years) for violent attacks, check and insurance fraud. She had kids and they got taken away before I even knew what happened. For the last few years she’s been couch surfing. Basically homeless. Because she is so violent the option for her to stay with me is null and void. There were times that she threatened to kill me and proceeded to try to do so. It would take several grown men to get her off me because she’s a big girl.

Is she a “loser”? I don’t know. She’s not very successful in life. I tried to get help for her but 40 years ago psych docs just didn’t believe that a young child could have serious issues.

Anyway I’m done with my rant. I just want to say that loving your child doesn’t always solve problems. Don’t be too quick to blame the mother.

I was not suggesting that the child did not have any psychological conditions. But, if he did, treating him with compassion and finding appropriate services can make the difference between successful management and disaster. Too often children are punished for psychological behavior that may be unconftrillable and are treated as “bad”- which only exacerbates the problem. I found the attitude the OP displayed towards her stepson troubling. I have been a caretaker for a severely mentally ill family member so I do understand first hand the challenges. But with treatment and support, they can make significant progress.

I don't personally find venting in an online forum indicative of how one approaches others in their personal life.

I didn't see where the OP claims to use the terminology to make degrading comments directly to her stepson.

What if you can’t get treatment or support? What if you try to get support for your child and all they do is tell you you’re a bad mother? I begged for help with my violent, self distructive child. I Got none only blame and shame. Have you ever been there? Don’t blame the parent until you’ve been there yourself. wow I’m really pissed off.

Point made but you haven't lived in my shoes. I won't list the problems one by one but yes, most people describe him as a loser. Having been threatened with a jungle knife after he broke into the home I locked up to escape his drug induced aggression , yeah, I've earned the right to call him that.

Would I call my biological children this. Frankly they haven't given me the opportunity to even consider it.

Sociopath?

If true, a lacking united parental front isn’t the cause.

Hereditary, abuse, neglect, unstable home life are more likely causes.

Well I would not describe the situation as abusive or neglectful. I was a fulll-time mother to him from the age of two. I gave him every opportunity and equal love and attention as I did my biological children. But they were not trying to injur people at the age of four to get what they wanted. They were not stealing by the age of 10. I was not called to the school office once to twice weekly to fetch them. I did not have teachers refuse to teach them. I did not have to collect them from the police station or have them returned by them to my home. They did not have serious fights where they put people in the hospital.What they did have was a parent who held them to expected behaviour and accountability. As far as his father was concerned, 'boys will be boys'. If there was any neglect you would have to look in that direction.

I’m not saying you were abusive. The original post makes it sound like failing to have a united parental front causes a child to become a sociopath. That isn’t the cause.

If he was damaged by abuse/neglect, my understanding is the most damage is done in the earliest phase of life - baby/toddlers most at risk. I think MI is genetic plus environment.

I don’t know that he is a sociopath, people use the term loosely. Has he been diagnosed?