My Kid is Almost 34...

Hi, My eldest child, my daughter, will be 34 years old in June. She is currently studying at a well-respected university for her Phd. She has been married for 6 years to a fine man who is on a career fast-track. They own a nice home in the town where they live. They do not plan on having children because they want to devote their lives to their careers (and to making money, if we're being honest).

My daughter and I have always been extremely close. From the time she was born until recently, we were like the best of friends. I mean, I was definitely "mom", but frankly, my daughter seemed to be born with a substantial maturity that never required a lot of boundaries, etc. I never had to tell her "Do your homework"- stuff like that. I have ALWAYS, without exception, been "there" for her in every way a mother can be.

She started university last August (she had her degree from a smaller college already). From the very week she started university her attitude towards me has changed. She is arrogant and condescending to me. No matter what I'm doing or involved with, my daughter cops an attitude. Suddenly I am doing the wrong things online. I have made some foolish choices in my life (???), I need to get control of my Bipolar Disorder (???), I need to be more practical in general. Since I am part of Generation X I am, without a doubt, inferior to HER generation.


When we talk on the phone (I've always called her every morning) it's like she's watching a clock. Unless we are discussing her, it seems she gives me my "allotted time" then in a clipped manner she'll say, "I really have to go now. I am overloaded with homework." She has often made reference to how, "No one understands how busy" she is "with school!"


I have no doubt that she is busy (too busy, I think...she is frequently lacking sleep and sick with colds).

And so on.

I recognize that she is going through a specific stage in her life. What she's doing, however, seems to have gone to her head, to put it bluntly. I feel terribly hurt...discarded.


I have spoken with her about how I feel; she denies that she has any attitude toward me at all. She insists that I need to check my emotional/mood state better.


What is my best course of action? I guess I have no recourse except to wait it out. At this point, aside from items she wants (clothing, concert tickets, travel, etc.), her husband handles all of their household finances. She has never paid a utility bill, for example. Her hardships in life have not been unusual or outstanding, except for a life-long generalized anxiety disorder for which she has always been in appropriate treatment (thanks to her mother...). She has in her mind that she "takes care of" my husband and I...in reality, she really doesn't do either, except to speak with us on the phone for short periods of time.

Input? Ideas? Thank you.