Is this okay behaviour?

Bit of background, I have a 7 year old daughter form a previous relationship. me and my partner have been together 4 years, he doesn't have really much to say with the childcare or parenting etc, and I have shared care with my childs father.

I've started to pick up on some behaviours that don't sit quite well between my partner and my daughter. He treats her like she's almost a burden to him and has no rights to do things that I wouldn't ever dream of scorning her for.

Some examples.

1. Partner was watching football the other night, so we sat and watched it with him. At one point I left the room and my partner shot out of his seat and angrily screamed 'penalty!' at the tv screen (like they do lol). I heard my daughter jump up after him and scream penalty also like she was wanting to join in on the action! I just entered back in the room and caught him going 'don't do that.'

She said 'why?'

he said 'just don't do that.'

Then I joined in and asked what was up with him, and he said really defensive and quite stern to me 'I don't like it when she does that.' His tone of voice was that tone that's meant to put someone in their place, so I didn't push it any further.

A few minutes later he did the same thing and not thinking, she jumped up again. Because I was in the room watching them, he just turned to me and laughed like it was the funniest thing ever, as if he wasn't bothered.




2. We was at a christening yesterday and all having a conversation (in a group) but I was turned slightly in my chair speaking to his step dad. My partner said something and my daughter asked to repeat what he'd said. He said nothing, so she said 'no go on what did you say?' I turned around to see what was going on and he held her hand up to indicate to stop her speaking and went 'I said that I said nothing'. She looked at me cautiously as if she thought shed done something wrong, and you could tell it bothered her.

Its like he wants to put her in her place and dismiss her all the time, (usually when I am out of the room so he has more freedom to) but whenever I pull him up about it he pretends that he was never bothered by her behaviour (and when I say 'behaviour', I truly believe her behaviour is just that of a normal child and she hasn't done anything wrong).

It all seems so trivial and petty but this happens almost everytime hes with her and I think shes started to notice and its beginning to really bother her.

Were having a few problems in our relationship at the moment which is another issue entirely, so whenever I talk to him about things that are bothering me he either passes it up or denies that he did it in the first place.

Those are a bit odd, but not over the line. It sounds like he doesn't quite respect your daughter? It can be hard to pinpoint a problem like that though. You have no idea what he's really thinking or feeling, you can only guess based on his pattern of behavior. I don't like his pattern of dismissing your daughter either, though.

This was a big red flag for me, however:

That sort of mirrors how he is treating your daughter, doesn't it? She seems bothered by his behavior, but he dismisses it or pretends he didn't do it. Strange indeed. I would say that's not a very healthy example for her to follow.

do you think he feels threaten over you and your daughter relationship? if so u need to find a more healthy environment for you and your daughter.