What Would You Do?

He'd choose homelessness over counseling and a roof over his head?
I've had friends bolted out of their homes as teens and somehow found ways to scrape through it and provide a life for themselves. Lives where homelessness was not desired and would not be a lifestyle choice.
I'm not sure how to suggest how to help you help him seek the path you would desire for him.
Have you reached out to NAMI for in person caregiver support?
Some personalities are part of a genetic composition. Sure, there's things as parents that could have been modeled differently or better, but sometimes MI of the child gets in the way.
Be gentle on yourself

Yes, thanks for your response.

He refuses to be controlled and wants to have a large measure of control over us.

I think that’s quite a key statement about control. My daughter has done the same... not quite homeless but living in bad conditions... turned down many opportunities to help herself and I suspect it was easier to blame her circumstances on me versus make a change... hence the controlling. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can certainly relate.

Thanks for your response. All these things are happening. The worst thing about it all is that he has told me so many lies that it is impossible to help because he a has had me helping with "pretend" things in order to get my attention. Then while I am helping him--he says torturous things then seems to enjoy when he makes me upset.

I did get him a room on Christmas day and we all ate at a Christmas Buffet together as a family. Everyone got along. I took him to see other family members earlier that day.

The next day when I checked him out of the hotel--the manipulational, lies and controlling behaviors started all over again. He had money in his pocket (gifts from family) and it was then apparent I was not going to give him anything more that day so he started saying things meant to upset me. He only calls when he wants something. Unfortunately, I usually buy him meals (order and try to eat with him once a week) and sometimes give him money. The lie he told me yesterday (don't want to give specific details), once again made it obvious that I have to stop doing this. My husband has been telling me for a long time that the help I give him is just hurting him. I get sympathetic to his needs over and over but am finally realizing that my husband is not wrong about this.

Though I am still sympathetic about the lies because I know he is in a desparate situation. It makes it hard to help him.

You’re in a very tough spot. You love your son and nobody wants to see their child suffer. Doing nothing probably feels as though you’re turning your back on him. That is how it has felt to me... I agree with your husband, though. Tough as it is to accept, there isn’t much we can do about the choices our adult kids make.