My 19 year old daughter wont stop making bad decisions!

For reference: Here is an older thread for history.(https://psychcentralforums.com/partn...-pregnant.html)

I honestly have no idea what is going on in her head. She was living in sober housing with a telemarketing job paying 150 a week for rent/food was her responsibility. This boyfriend of hers.. well they or she found a room to rent in a complex I think off of facebook but they both moved out of their sober houses and moved into this complex with this other woman. It was 600 a month she said. She told us this after she had been living with him for 3 weeks.

She was proud to tell me they were being adults- running errands and food shopping on saturdays. She was a telemarketer and seemed to be good at it.
I had rotator cuff surgery on 9/20. She called a couple of times but I was out of it. Then she sends me a pic of a kitten she got. Then last thursday I finally talk to her and she tells me they moved out of the shared complex/room they rented because the owner was doing "Illegal things and substances" a week ago. Being in recovery being around this is a big no-no but I find it hard to believe that they live there a month and then woops- "my roomate is an addict dealing drugs and I just figured it out". They are staying with the boyfriends mother in a sketchy area of North NJ (she works and lived in south NJ). She got fired from her job- she says because she wasn't bringing up her numbers but come on.. This girl has had about 12-14 jobs since she started working and that was only at age 17.

Friday morning I see a gofundme called "moving" that she shared. Lo and behold she and the boyfriend applied and got approved for a townhouse and have a roommate all lined up to split the rent. She made herself a gofundme to raise money to afford to move into this townhouse and also asked for anything anyone can spare because she has never had her own place before. She lost her job, left a good affordable house, took on 2 kittens. The car she drives is an old chevy that we gave her that we own and insure. We know if we do not help her with transportation, then she cant work. She literally asked to borrow 30$ from me after the call on thursday which I sent her and then friday I see the gofund me.

I am like... ashamed. I did not raise her to be like this. Addiction aside, running away and almost not graduating HS aside, the fact that she has no interest in any sort of higher ed training, education, trade aside...what the hell? I have three beautiful children. All bright, good people. And I do not mean to compare my kids because logically I know that is not fair but the other two would die before they ever created a fundraiser for themselves because they felt like doing whatever they wanted. Our family is barely middle class. We have had to say no to things over the years due to being expensive and when we do special things and christmas time- my kids are always grateful. Grateful for everything we do for them to the best of our ability.

I do not understand her. She had to come over that friday to have her dad put in a part in her car and I could barely deal with her here. How horrible is that? And, god forbid what if she ends up homeless because she gets into this place and doesnt pay rent..and turns up on my doorstep? No F-ing way do any of us trust her enough to live with her for a variety of reasons.

She is so young and naive...proud that she is "adulting" but not really. I tried to call her phone and it was shut off for non-payment. She tried to give me some bs excuse about forgetting the due date but its a plan through walmart and its the same every month.
I am just venting her because so far, her crap hasnt necessarily become my problem. I said nothing about the gofundme or moving, I hid it on facebook and did not share it.
Oh and to continue the previous link to the post I shared at the top- she never went for a followup following the miscarriage and is not on any birth control. I am hoping they are using condoms. I told her that if she gets pregnant at this point its deliberate and not a surprise like she played it before.

I adore my kids we are a close family. When I see her and realize that my behavior probably damaged her and my genetics probably gave her the bipolar(that she refuses to medicate) I feel a pull on my heart and my sympathy swells. I go between shame, disgust, despair, hope, empathy...she is a complicated daughter.

I know first hand how this feels. Only after being in pain for years about my children's choices after they graduated from hs did I realize I had to let go. I am not as close to my children as I once was because my family's situation forced me to toughen up. You are much tougher and wiser than I am from my POV but IMO, you have more work to do grieving and accepting how it turned out. Only after you cry enough about it will you be able to let go. Some of us almost love our children too hard but they are adults now and, they, not us, are responsible for their choices. It is hard to witness because we gave them many opportunities. Hopefully, they will figure it out someday. In the meantime, we have our own lives to live. I am beginning to focus more on my own life rather than my childrens. It is my hope and prayer that you will be able to do more of this soon. I AM sorry about all that has happened with your daughter. I think of what went wrong with me and my family as a tragedy--not something to be ashamed of. I realize that I need to keep a certain distance because I am so emotionally enmeshed. That doesn't mean that I don't love them with all my heart as you do. Hugs.