Worried Single Parent

Good Morning Everyone,

I am on here just for advice and for talking with people who maybe in similar situations. I have my child full time, I will stay pretty non descriptive with genders, etc just for privacy. My ex has every other sunday visitation for a day visit, that takes place at the grandparents house and is supervised by the grandparents.

Over the years, the ex has taken my child twice for 7 days, and 10 days, both times the verbiage in the agreement was a little confusing so it was a loop hole. Also during those times custody was split 75/25, where now I have 100% legal and physical minus the day visit every other week. I think the times my child was kept gave me PTSD because I am terrified of doing the visitation this weekend for Easter.

For the last 3 years things have run smooth, the ex has been present at about 75% of the visits, I still send my child so they get time with the grandparents even if the mom isn't present. However the courts being closed, if for some reason my ex wouldn't return my child, I wouldn't know what to do.

While I know some of that is a legal question, and I have been in contact with a lawyer, I am here for the depression side of it. For 10 days it's all I've been able to think about. Two sundays ago it was the same I was terrified but I showed up and picked up with no issues. Things are getting scary with Covid-19 pandemic and I am not handling the stress well. There is no coparenting relationship, there is no relationship of any kind, because it is that bad. So I can't stop thinking about taking her for her visit and not being able to get her back. There have been no threats of this, it's just a fear that is in my mind and I can't get out, I can't sleep, haven't been eating, just overall worried. I am fine when around my child because i focus on parenting but when I have a minute to think my mind goes to gloom and I can't get it back in a good mind frame.

Family and friends have helped by talking and they get me into a good mind frame, and then I am alone with my thoughts and they fall apart again.

I talked with a therapists who suggested I don't send my child for the visit for safety reasons, and I just don't want to be that parent or hurt my child emotionally who even though the ex is rarely in my childs life my child still loves them to death.

Help

Well with COVID situation there should be NO taking the child to the grandparents or around any other people, Social distancing is a very much needed order to stick to to stop the spread of this monster.

This also allows you time to think about your situation and figure out what is best for your child.. I dont know the age of your child but if you have any concerns that your child may not be safe then you have to protect he/she.. I think you should listen to your Therapists advice and not allow visitation right now.

As for keeping the child away from the father ? you say hes not always consistant.. maybe your child depending on age could get some help by seeing a Therapist..So they know its nothing that have done or are doing that is causing there father to not be there for them... Again I dont know the age so that might not be doable.

Welcome to PC

Thanks the other parent lives with the grandparents, and the state released something saying all court orders dealing with custody should be followed.

If the official agreement states that child’s parent is to see her every other Sunday, just two days a month, then your ex cannot be keeping that child more than that (unless you both agree). If your child isn’t returned and being kept longer, you call police and your lawyer.

If grandparents are elderly, there is a concern about current pandemics and spreading the virus. Yes there is custody agreement but there are exceptions. Call your lawyer and ask if you are supposed to be delivering kids to grandparents during pandemics endangering everyone

Does your CO state that you must deliver your child to grandparents and pick her up? Why? CO says mom/dad are to see the kid TWO days a month. Why are you the one driving them around those two measly days. I’d say if mom/dad don’t show to pick the kid up, then the kid stays home. Not driving them to grandparents.

I am all for facilitating children’s relationship with the other parent. But they don’t seem to do their part at all. They barely exercise their two days a month visitation

The order states I have to do the driving, I have 100% custody because of issues with alcohol and driving, the judge said I should have 100% custody but have to do the driving on those two days a month. I do allow other time as needed, for family events, etc, but the grandparents have to be there the entire time.

In my eyes driving and using my time to ensure my daughter is delivered and returned in a safe manner (from a driving stand point) then it's well worth it.

I sent her for the visit and things went smoothly besides some angry texts from the ex that I would n't let her stay longer. Still nervous about the next visit and the visit after that as courts are closed till june 5th here.

If you go pick the child up and she isn’t released on time, you call the police. Have a copy of CO with you at all times.

Don’t engage in discussions with ex. In fact refrain from texting. Coparents who don’t get along could use Our Family Wizard.

Good luck

What is the family Wizard? A joke, that I don't know about because I just joined? We def don't get along, it's the typical addict relationship, I get blamed for everything because she hates herself so much, she has to take it out on someone.

She will fight for extra time, on her weekends, but rarely calls when she isn't there. "out of sight out of mind"

OurFamilyWizard | The Best Child Custody and Co-Parenting App
No not a joke but a tool for co parenting if parents don’t get along. Some judges recommend it. No direct communication with each other but only go through this and it saves everything

She can fight for extra time but don’t give in. She only has two days a month with the child for a reason.