Feeling like a failure as a parent!

MeasuredMoments · Nov 15, 2020 at 03:27 PM

My wife and I are currently going through a separation and we have 3 toddlers. Recently I have noticed that they have all been extra sensitive and crabby, I’m assuming from what they feel coming from us. But my 3 year old has also been so abusive! Whenever he gets upset he is constantly hitting us, punching us, jumping on us and I just feel like a complete failure as a parent and have no idea what to do. I have tried time outs, I’ve tried sitting and talking with him but nothing seems to work! I feel like I’m loosing my mind!

Does everyone go through a point where they feel like a failure as a parent or is it just me?

TishaBuv · Nov 15, 2020 at 07:56 PM

I felt like a failure for a while recently, but it wasn’t until my son was 24

I get the feeling your toddler is acting out due to your separation. I’d not let him physically hurt you. I remember the preschool used to teach the kids to ‘use their words’. Three is old enough to understand that the physical acting out is unacceptable. You could do a time out, or take away a treat if he does it, or reward him for being good with a little treat often (but not make that too much of a routine so that he expects and demands it)

sarahsweets · Nov 16, 2020 at 07:33 AM

Every parent feels like a failure at some point. We feel like we should have gotten the rule book at birth but lost it. Then we feel like we should be as good as other parents (think instagram parents who post pictures of their perfect families- I stay off instagram). Kids always feel the tension between their parents. At the same time I believe that the terrible 2's are a myth. For me and my three kids it was the terrible 3's and 4's. This is when toddlers and kids are forming their "person" learning about themselves, and how they fit into the world and dynamics. Developmentally they still have no understanding of actions affecting consequences. This is why it is so exasperating for parents of a tough toddler. My daughter used to go through tantrums that involved hitting and physical stuff. At times I would have to hug her to get her to stop, she didnt like it (I wasnt squeezing or holding her down) but I would hug and keep her from hitting me and whisper "shhhh, its alright baby girls, things are alright" over and over again until she calmed down. You cant rationalize anything at this age, toddlers are "self absorbed" and by that I mean unable to see beyond the self and learning to understand how their actions affect others. It is best if you try not to fight around the kids or even any sort of underhanded passive aggressive comments (not saying this is the case with you at all). It could be time where it is time to start rewarding the good behavior. Toddlers and most young children do not respond to consequences or punishments but rewarding the good behavior makes it more desirable.

IrisBloom · Nov 16, 2020 at 09:31 AM

My guess would be that he doesn't know how to express his feelings about what is going on. A three year old can talk and reason, but this is too much for him, as I'm sure he doesn't understand what is happening. If it was me, I'd constantly reassure him that you both love him and siblings and the only thing changing is you 2 won't be living in the same home any more. I'd talk to him about his behavior and let him know it's unacceptable, but do realize it's his only way to communicate about changes taking place. Unless he's very advanced for his age he probably doesn't have the words to express his feelings.

Hug him often and reassure him. Give him a hug from me

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Feeling like a failure as a parent!

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