advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
MeasuredMoments
Newly Joined
MeasuredMoments has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2020
Location: Milwaukee
Posts: 1
3 yr Member
Default Nov 15, 2020 at 03:27 PM
  #1
My wife and I are currently going through a separation and we have 3 toddlers. Recently I have noticed that they have all been extra sensitive and crabby, I’m assuming from what they feel coming from us. But my 3 year old has also been so abusive! Whenever he gets upset he is constantly hitting us, punching us, jumping on us and I just feel like a complete failure as a parent and have no idea what to do. I have tried time outs, I’ve tried sitting and talking with him but nothing seems to work! I feel like I’m loosing my mind!

Does everyone go through a point where they feel like a failure as a parent or is it just me?
MeasuredMoments is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
TishaBuv
Legendary
TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,120 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 15, 2020 at 07:56 PM
  #2
I felt like a failure for a while recently, but it wasn’t until my son was 24

I get the feeling your toddler is acting out due to your separation. I’d not let him physically hurt you. I remember the preschool used to teach the kids to ‘use their words’. Three is old enough to understand that the physical acting out is unacceptable. You could do a time out, or take away a treat if he does it, or reward him for being good with a little treat often (but not make that too much of a routine so that he expects and demands it)

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 16, 2020 at 07:33 AM
  #3
Every parent feels like a failure at some point. We feel like we should have gotten the rule book at birth but lost it. Then we feel like we should be as good as other parents (think instagram parents who post pictures of their perfect families- I stay off instagram). Kids always feel the tension between their parents. At the same time I believe that the terrible 2's are a myth. For me and my three kids it was the terrible 3's and 4's. This is when toddlers and kids are forming their "person" learning about themselves, and how they fit into the world and dynamics. Developmentally they still have no understanding of actions affecting consequences. This is why it is so exasperating for parents of a tough toddler. My daughter used to go through tantrums that involved hitting and physical stuff. At times I would have to hug her to get her to stop, she didnt like it (I wasnt squeezing or holding her down) but I would hug and keep her from hitting me and whisper "shhhh, its alright baby girls, things are alright" over and over again until she calmed down. You cant rationalize anything at this age, toddlers are "self absorbed" and by that I mean unable to see beyond the self and learning to understand how their actions affect others. It is best if you try not to fight around the kids or even any sort of underhanded passive aggressive comments (not saying this is the case with you at all). It could be time where it is time to start rewarding the good behavior. Toddlers and most young children do not respond to consequences or punishments but rewarding the good behavior makes it more desirable.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
TishaBuv
IrisBloom
Living Entity
 
IrisBloom's Avatar
IrisBloom fell off the unicorn, but will be back on shortly
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: La La Land
Posts: 28,949 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
2,365 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 16, 2020 at 09:31 AM
  #4
My guess would be that he doesn't know how to express his feelings about what is going on. A three year old can talk and reason, but this is too much for him, as I'm sure he doesn't understand what is happening. If it was me, I'd constantly reassure him that you both love him and siblings and the only thing changing is you 2 won't be living in the same home any more. I'd talk to him about his behavior and let him know it's unacceptable, but do realize it's his only way to communicate about changes taking place. Unless he's very advanced for his age he probably doesn't have the words to express his feelings.

Hug him often and reassure him. Give him a hug from me

__________________
IrisBloom is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
sarahsweets
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:41 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.