Sandwich Generation

Hi I’m losing my mind, control of life, and any hope there is. Here are my current background info:
* Raised 2 daughters ALL by myself
* I have home
* My 19 year old daughter & I lived alone
* 1.5 years ago my 26 year old daughter moved back home, along with her 3 year old
* My 26 yr old is a terrible mom, so I care for my grandson from 8:30 am - 10:30 at night.
-She sleeps until 2-4pm
-She works 20 hours a week
-She neglects her son
-She JUST got a face tattoo
-She got these long-*** fake nails so she can’t even strap the baby into the car seat when we go somewhere, because of the long nails
-I ask her for $0 & she doesn’t give me any money
-My reason for that: so that she can save money & get her own place
-There have been places in town that help single mothers, but she refused assistance because they won’t help her get an apartment in the GOOD/RICH side of town
-But because she works only 20 hours a week $10 an hour she just cannot afford anything on the GOOD side of town
-I ask her what her life goals are? Where she sees herself in 2 years? What kind of job may she like to strive for to make money to afford an apartment in the GOOD side of town?
She absolutely has NO answers at all
-She hates my mom so they don’t talk to each other

* 2.5 years ago my dad passed away & my 71 year old mom moved in with me
* Have 1 sister, just 11 months younger than me
* My mom is a terrible human being to live with, so my sister & I decided to have her every 2 months, because honest to God that’s all we can stand from her
*My only sibling, my sister, & mom got into a huge fight & they REFUSE TO SEE OR SPEAK WITH EACH OTHER
*NOW I don’t have a 2 month rotation with my mom, she resides here full time & to put it nicely I CANNOT ****EN STAND HER 1 MORE SECOND IN MY LIFE THAT SHE IS RUINING
-She never worked a day in her life & so she gives me $0 while I contribute 100% for everything
-She takes money from my purse & when I confront her she denies, denies, denies. But it’s her Bc she DID THE SAME THING TO MY DAD
-My sister doesn’t know because of the current nonexistent relationship between my mom & sister, which both SWEAR THEY WILL DIE HAPPILY without ever seeing each other, that when my mom stayed with her, my mom stole my sister’s husband’s credit cards & ID which I found in her room
- She harasses ALL company that I have to force her into her room & prohibits her from coming out until company leaves
- while my mom was with my sister, my sister would suspend any type of celebration or party & would tell my nieces/nephews not to bring anyone to visit until mom came back to me
* So with a 3 bedroom house & 4 adults at home, I know live & sleep on the big coach in the living room along with a tiny 3 drawer dresser where I keep all my clothes in

*Returning back to my 19 yr old daughter which it was just the 2 of us
- She HATES her 26 yr old sister & my mom
She hates the trouble I go through to help them & they treat me like ****
-So my 19 yr old stays in her room all the time, even eats there so she doesn’t have to see her sister & my mom
My 19 yr old said she won’t spend time with me eating with me or watching movies like we used to until I kick out my 26 yr old and my mom
-So when any of them 3 have to say anything to each other, THEY TELL ME TO TELL THEM this & that

*Me
-Lost my job so living off my retirement plan that I cashed out in full because I have aside from me 3 adults & 1 toddler & I 100% pay all the bills, food, clothing for my mom & 19 year old, car insurance because only I HAVE 1 CAR WE ALL USE, & gas.
- I’m a chauffeur because no one but me has a drivers license
-my mom & 26 yr old daughter refuse to drive
-So aside from being an all day babysitter for my grandson, I drive to drop off & pick up my 26 yr old daughter from her part time job
- I drive EVERYONE to their doctors appointment, my mom has an average of 2 appointments every week
- I know live out of my sofa & my tiny dresser, so donated 1/2 my wardrobe Bc there was no where to put it
- I clean my 26 yr old & moms room Bc they are filthy *** dirty pigs who if I don’t sweep & mom myself, no one will do it for a full year
-I found myself so sick & unable to eat some months back so an EDG found I had gastritis for 6 MONTHS from the stress. Which doctor said reduce your stress so you heal & this doesn’t happen again, but what the hell does that mean? Throwing to the streets my 26 yr old daughter, my 3 yr old grandson & my horrible human being 71 yr old mom
- I’m so depressed sometimes I find myself thinking how I can just run away & leave everything my whole life behind
- I’m on 3 antidepressant & 1 medication to control this horrible ANXIETY I had never experienced in my life
- I cry myself to sleep most nights
- I’m single but WOULDN’T DARE DATE. My mom tells me not to be “lose with men” be she won’t keep her mouth shut
- I find myself sitting down with my mind drifting, like my body is there at home sitting down but my mind leaves me. Then I realize like 2 hours have passed by
-I do believe this is cutting my life short, has brought about physical health & mental health issues, I am SO LONELY but right now wouldn’t even dare make a new friend much less start a relationship with a man.
- I 100% have come to the conclusion that I cannot continue with my life until after my mom dies- so my life, which I only get this one, has been on pause since she’s moved in
HELP! HELP! HELP
PLEAS

I am so very, sorry that you are in the horrible situation you describe. How utterly heartbreaking. The burdens you bear seem to me to be crushingly heavy. Wish I knew what to say to help!

Wow, that is a lot to be dealing with. It sounds awful. Anyone would be anxious and depressed.

One thought I had was to see if there are any social services that could help your mom. I know when my grandmother was in her later years my parents were able to get some assistance with the help of a geriatric social worker. Maybe she would qualify for some sort of financial assistance or transportation to her health care appointments. I found this website that gives some ideas of how to start:

Social Services for the Elderly: How Can I Get Help? | Updated for 2022

As far as your older daughter, I don't know if there is a way you can set a deadline by which she has to move. I am not sure if there is a way to evict her? But, then you would probably be worried about your grandson. There are legal aid services that may be able to help explore your options, but I am not sure how hard it is to qualify for assistance. Law students also hold legal clinics where they help people with legal problems. From quick research it sounds like it is best to contact your local bar association and law schools in the area to see what might be available.

Can you get small safe or put a lock on a cabinet or something where you can keep your cash and credit cards so that your mom doesn't steal them?

Is your 19-year-old in school or working? Does she contribute to the household in any way? She is old enough that she should be doing something to pitch in if she wants to stay living there.