Adult Children

Son 31. He has a 3 yr old. Son 29 Daughter 21

I can see how my trauma and their fathers trauma/abuse has affected them.

Oldest thinks I should not "meddle" in his life but I see how poorly he copes. He's like a child.

What can I do?

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Their adults. You can make suggestions like "go talk to someone." But there's not much else you can do.

Yes. It's very difficult to watch the dysfunction


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I agree. "Talking to him" isn't likely to help. I worry about any possible grandchildren I might have, but my sons have had therapy.

Just be wise about how you treat the children, especially when they are around you. For good or bad, I've seen some grandparents who have taken over the parenting role, even becoming the "real" parents by law. I know one case where the dad was an out-of-control alcoholic and agreed for his parents to raise his daughter.

Keep us informed, if you want. We care.

P.S. What's the role of the mother in this situation?

The "mom" is an alcoholic/addict (my son leans that way too but only smokes weed now) and she is 100% disabled. When they were together they would use ketamine and coke. Drank all the time.

She was very sick a few months back and had a diagnosis of cirrhosis at age 31. So my son had his son full time. My daughter and I helped out.
Now she seems to be doing better and has my grandson full time. She previously lost custody of her older 2 when they were little

My son is lazy and I believe has adhd. He takes the kids every weekend but he is on his phone the whole time their there. He does take them to the park etc. But he's not tuned in to the kids. He gets stressed very easily and plays a little too rough with them.

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I see what you mean. That is a bad situation for the kids.