Step Mum!

Hi All,
I am a 28 year old woman in a partnership with a man who has 2 children from a previous marriage, a boy (11) & a girl (6).
The Boy, who's name is Jacob is living with us full time as of this year & he is such a wonderful boy, but with many bad habbits due to his raising!!
I find myself getting frustrated as he can have trouble adjusting to different rules, which I feel guilty for as I know it is not his fault!!

Are there any other parents out there in my kind of situation??
I would love to share experiences!!!

Flinty

A suggestion would be to form a list of behaviors that you want to change. Review that list and break it down into at least two maybe three categories: Must Change, Want to change, Wish would change. Probably want to tackle one or two of the Must Change items first.

Since your son is 11 and as you said, it is not his fault that he has developed habits based on living in a different household... you and his dad could sit down together during a calm moment and have a discussion about what behaviors MUST be changed. I would not dump the entire list on him - you want to encourage him without making him feel bad about himself. Try really hard to clearly identify the behavior you need to have him change but that you love him just as he is.

You could work with him to come up with how he might change. and then support him - and keep tabs to ensure it is working.

For example, perhaps he is in the habit of staying up until 11pm playing video or watching TV. HW isn't getting done and he is a bear to get up for school. Getting to bed earlier - even by an hour - could be a goal. Perhaps a complimentary goal would be that all HW must be done before screen time.

Don't expect him to like it - he will probably really hate the earlier bedtime. It is so funny to me that as kids .. we wanted to stay up really late and fought bedtime every single school night .. but now that I'm an adult .. I can't get in bed as early as I would prefer ! lol

Hope this helps

I think one thing to realize, you aren't his parent, and you might get a whole lot of rebellion if these are "your" rules. I think this is the case where the father needs to step up and enforce the rules, especially since he is a full time parent. You both should sit down and make the rules so you are both know fully what they are.

I am a step parent, but they are in their late 20's now, and I made some mistakes and one was trying to be their parent. It isn't that they don't have to listen to you, they should, but the rule setting is best left to their parent, especially the discipline.

This is very enlightening for me as a single mom of two boys. It is nice to hear what struggles and advice people have for the new partner. It must be intimidating at first. I admire your unique perspective in parenting. I must say, I found myself curious and a little threatened when I first heard that my ex had a partner. Now, though, my sons easily adapt to each environment as they learn the new person in their life. They laso have to figure out what the step parent likes, dislikes, how the step and original parent interact. Kids observe alot. Yes, they do adapt too. It will work.

I am somewhat in your situation! I am 22, and married to a man with 2 from a prev relationship (4 and 6) and the boy is a terror. I wont get into much detail but I feel we relate in a way.

I too am a step mum of an 11 year old. He has come to live with us because of his behavior at home. Now, my husband and I have seven children together. My children are no angels but they have respect and I can say they are pretty good. My stepson is having a hard time adjusting to the rules of our household and does not like to listen to me and gets into fights with the other children so I can understand you when you say you are frustrated because I too am. I am being very patient with this situationbut it is hard when my husband gets very sensitive when it comes to him.