ODD?

Hi, I'm new here and I stumbled on this site looking for information on ODD because my 4 year old son is out of control...but I'm consistent in punishment and rewards, but his behavior doesnt change. I looked at the symptom list and he most certainly has EVERY symptom on the list...but it says "compared to other kids of the same age" ...well, I dont have much experience with 4 year olds as this child is my oldest, but I do teach his sunday school class and have friends with kids around his age, and my son does seem worse behavior-wise than the children I have dealt with. Granted children are often different in front of other people than they are at home, so I dont know if my exposure to these other kids is enough to make that judgement because they are probably acting differently than normal around me.

I just feel like a failure where my child is concerned and I dont even know how to go about getting him screened and treated inexpensively for this disorder. We are a $30,000/year income home and I'm a full time college student with 2 kids. We dont have the money for therapy sessions nor the time to be able to focus on changing how we deal with him...we've been handling him the same way for 2 years now, so its become routine and to be able to focus on handling him another way seems utterly impossible with my school schedule and with my husband's work schedule. And, I cant afford to quit school because of interest build up on loans. I need to graduate and get to work so I can start paying that off. So, I'm not saying I'm putting my school/career first before my child...I'm just saying I cant sacrafice one for the other because to do so could be financially devestating for us.

Would I be a bad parent if I purchased the Total Transformation therapy kit (I guess its books or videos?) that I've seen advertised on the internet and talked to my mom, who stays home all day with nothing to do, about him moving in with her and have her work with him? I'd be willing to take the money I wouldnt have to pay for him for childcare, the money we spend on food/clothing/pullups (for night) and give it to my mom as a sort of child support...and of course I'd visit him often. But, would it be like I was giving up? I mean, a huge reason for wanting to do this is my school/career, but another huge reason is that my husband and I are both at our wits end. He's been high strung and defiant since about 12 months old and as he has gotten older and the normal toddler stage has been grown out of, these symptoms have become much clearer...but its been 3 years of dealing with him and feeling like a failure the whole time. I honestly could use the distance from him and my husband agrees.

I dont want my child to think I'm giving up on him or that I dont love him so I gave him away...but something has to give. Thoughts?

First, have you talked to your pediatrician about this?
Most univ. have free therapy offered or for a very little fee. Do you have spring break yet, maybe that would give you some extra time to get some information?

Sometimes you have to put your child first, no matter what. I could understand if you were on your death bed or something, but not providing your child with help he needs whether medical or mental, is being neglectful as a parent.
But since you want to give him away, I am sure he could find a loving adoptive family who can give him what he needs. Maybe that is an option. (((((your son))))

Hi drama_mama85

Welcome to PC! Yes, I know so much the frustration you are experiencing with your son. My son is now 9, but has been diagnosed ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) since the age of 5. It is a mind boggling and overwhelming illness, and can drive one absolutely batty (battier for me).

I absolutely recommend therapy 200%. I also have a wonderful book called "1 2 3 Magic", which has been instrumental in keeping my son under control. He is well-behaved at school now, and excels in academics. Counseling is available on a sliding-fee scale in almost all cities, have you looked into that?

I wish you luck and peace.

Take care,
Dee

for your peace of mind you need to get into see a doc and get the right information and find out what is causing his behaviour, once you know why then its worth looking into tretments for son and help

i say this having a daughter who never got dignoised untill she was nearly 10 with add/behavioural problems and learning dificulties
she missed out on a lot of education because ppl didnt know what was wrong with her and just thought she was a bad child

so for you and your childs sake get a profesional opion to start out on the right step it will make life easier

welcome to pc and good luck

(((((((((((((((((drama_mama85)))))))))))))))

It is very important that you get your son evaluated by a mental health professional who specializes with children ASAP. Especially since it is gotten to the point where you are seriously considering giving him away. Don't give him away - don't give up on him. Stop trying to use the internet to diagnose him and get him to a professional who can provide a full evaluation.

A full evaluation will determine IQ, learning difficulties, reading delays, ADD/HD. Or - will at least rule those issues out.

My son was almost 4 years old when we had him evaluated. We learned that he had Sensory Integration Dysfunction, slow processing speed, fantastic verbal abilities, Dyslexia. Finding out that his behavior and issues resulted in how his brain was wired helped so much towards understanding him and most importantly, learning how to advocate for his needs. My son is in Middleschool now and is doing great. Getting him the help he needed was crucial.

Sacrafice whatever you need to in order to pay for an initial evaluation - it will be the best use of your resources ever. I am certain of it. You MUST put your son first before anything else. Your college degree will mean nothing if your son is lost. A child depends upon his/her parents for care and nurturing. You will have to step to the plate and parent.

I realize that thinking about changing how you relate to your child seems impossible but trust me - change can happen and it usually isn't as tough as you may think. You sound exhaused and not sure what to do. I think that once you get your child evaluated THEN you will know what steps may or may not need to be taken. You are worrying about therapy and changing your routine when you don't even know what is up with your son.

That is why getting an evaluation is a must. This will provide you with a starting point and a road map. You can take it from there. Start with your son's Pediatrician. Or check your university's Health Services for access to behavioral health services. Get a referral.

Get your son evaluated - so that you know what you are dealing with.

children learn there behaviour from others so if you want him to learn to change you have to show him how too

Where's Dr. Phil when you need him? lol

I hear ya!! My husband has a 4 yr old and I feel he is the same way.