How can I help a parent in need... At my age of 16?

My friend's mother has three children, including said friend. Said friend is 14, and she also has fraternal twins age 10. My friend has some psychological issues, but since being my friend, has gotten better about them. Her problems are mostly physiological. She has PMDD, much like I did, but she wasn't learning to cope correctly. I can help her out here, giving her tools to control herself. She's on Prozac, which I sometimes feel isn't helping very well. But I'm not a doctor, and I'm not going to say anything.

The girl twin, however, has some very serious behavior problems. She throws fits, calls her parents names, gets violent and destructive, and lately refuses to go to school.
Her mother is ill-equipped. The mother has physical problems of her own, but regardless, usually wants "quick-fixes." I have no doubt she would medicate this child when what she really needs is parenting.

I may be young, but I'm pretty good with kids (though I can't say I really like them). Even when it comes to discipline. This child has identified me as a friend, but she also knows I have more strength and patience than her mother if she acts up.

Unfortunately there are lessons she hasn't been taught that make parenting her at this age difficult. She doesn't understand that her actions have consequences, nor that she is in control of her behavior and her treatment.

This makes going to my friend's house very hard for me. I can't stand to watch this child be ruined by this lack of discipline. While I wouldn't mind going there every day (I'm confident that given time, I could break her of these habits), I know I can't do anything so long as this mother finds no fault in her parenting. Plus, even if she WERE willing to take some help in dealing with this child, it wouldn't come from me. People generally don't give 16 year olds credibility when it comes to parenting.

I'm trying to help this family through encouraging my friend to be a good big sister, but is there any other way to give aid to a household that really needs it?

It's a difficult situation, but I agree the mother definitely needs some help. Maybe suggest babysitting or something. Say, I want to help you help her, but don't step the bounds. I'm a parent so I know how offended I get when people try to discipline my kids without my okay first. My best friend knows she can because I've told her she could, but for other people...if they tried to discipline my babies I'd be bitter.

Get the okay, ask if you can help her...do what you can.

Well, actually, at this point I'm afraid I'm going to have to let this family go. An event just happened with my friend that upset me so much... And I don't even want to concern myself with her anymore.

And apparently my mother has talked to her mother about suggestions to help out her household, but she reacts as if it's insulting to her to hear them. The mother is too stubborn, and this is evidenced by said event that just occurred.

I thought I was helping my friend. She told me she had changed. But she really didn't, and neither can the rest of the family. I can't bear them on my shoulders.

What is PMDD ??

I would guess that the best thing you can do - since you are only 16 - is continue being a friend to your friend and her little sister. It is not likely that an adult woman - even one who is struggling with parenting issues - will take the advise of a 16 year old child. Even though it sounds like you are able to see patterns and areas of opportunity that the other mom cannot.

Your friend is lucky to have someone in her life such as yourself - it can't be easy for her living in a chaotic household. I'm sure you bring some peace and comfort to her.

You sound like a wonderful friend.

Oh yeah... Haha. PMDD stands for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, and it's a more severe form of PMS. I'm thinking her Prozac could be adding to this. It sure did for me.

Anyway, it's nice that you'd say such things, but I really can't accept the compliment since I am sincerely done with the friend.
See my thread here if you're interested in the huge, drawn-out story.

Oh wow - what a mess !! Sorry your friend behaved so badly at your party. That was not a very nice thing to do. I think you are doing the right thing to just walk away from the relationship for now. It is possible that some day in the future you two may cross paths again and she may be a different person .. or not. Best to leave it alone for now as it doesn't sound like she is able to be a supportive friend.

take care,

Well, thank you.

I hate to leave this, but this whole ordeal has helped me realize that (as spooky as it sounds) I suppose I'm a mother at heart. And I can't parent my friends.

Mother is a scary word. Maybe I'll just consider the term behavioral psychologist. They get paid more, anyway.

Haha, now I'm just beginning to realize I've been trying to parent my friend all along. I've even said the words "I don't approve of this behavior..." Wow. That's not very healthy for me.

I'm starting to think that's why her mother liked me so much. I WAS pretty good at raising this teenager... Of course, when the actual mother opposes me, there's no way I can expect her to side with me. So, okay, this mother is going to lose her children's positive influence.

A bad ending for this family, but at least hopefully I'll walk away with a better understanding of myself.