new mom screaming 16month old help!!!

ok so I am just about finished with nursing school, but my professor was right, when its your kid, everything we know goes out the window and me are only moms, so here goes. My son is 16 months old and for the last month he has been screaming at the top of his lungs, either because he wants something he can't have, frustrated, who knows, devopmentaly he is good, walks, runs says bye-bye, dada, mama, buck, horse yadayadayada. So my husband says honey maybe something is wrong with him. I am crying as I type because my frustration and worry is eating me alive now, why did he have to say that???? He is so smart, he loves to stack things and hide them from us but his screaming is out of control. We put him in timeout for 1 1/2 min in his crib and he's fine for um about an hour and a half, is this normal, or terrible 2's early. My husband says autism or add, but come on he's 16 months old, love to play, laugh, cuddle, makes eye contact, loves other children (just not taking his toys) am I crazy or what someone please direct me if possible. I hate going to the doctor saying, "so I'm stressed my kid cries alot and is very clingy, got any drugs (for me of course) just kidding but please help

As a mother of three.......... have you tired slapping the top of his little hand or the side of thigh when he starts to throw his fit in order to get what he wants? - which btw is his way of controlling the situation and you.

When you feel frustrated and angry walk away. Put the child in a safe place and walk away, don't touch him, even if to hug because your frustration might still come out and you could hug him too tightly. Until you feel calm.

Yes, it is normal for some children to scream. You are right to put him in his crib and let him scream. I supposedly cried a lot when a baby, and the doctor told my mom the same thing. It built my lungs up and I became a good swimmer

If you give in to his screaming (read "demands") then that is what he will learn for life that he has to do to get attention.

You could, if you have time and are interested, begin to teach /learn sign language. Children from the age of 3 months can learn basic signs for hungry, tired, drink, sick, wet, etc. Children have the ability to handle this type of language (such as ASL) when they don't yet have verbal skills. It is showing to be a wonderful tool in curbing wild behavior.

If you are not up to sign language, then try giving the child simple verbal words to tell what he needs: food, play, hug etc. He's trying to communicate with you, and doesn't know how, but you can't give in to the screaming.

TC

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

Hi futurenurse!

Congrates on finishing nursing school! I think your instincts are right, he is frustrated, and doesn't have the verbal ability to express it, so he screams. It is really quite normal. But please don't give in to that, give him what he wants, or he will learn that it is acceptable to do that whenever he doesn't get what he wants.
In fact he is very smart, he has learned the power of screaming! It sure gets everyone's attention. I know nursing students at my college are required to take a child development course. If you didn't, find a good book on child development to know the stages children go through. Your son sounds very normal to me. Now if he starts to do the tantrum, which it sounds like he has, just do the same thing. It is hard I know.

If this happens in a store while shopping, just leave the cart and leave with him. I know it sounds like a pain i if you are grocery shopping, but he will soon learn that screaming will not get what he wants.

Time out is good, and the reason he is good for 1 1/2 hour, then does it again is that he forgets. Children's memories are short at that age. Keep doing the time out. It is exhausting, I know but teaching them now when they are young is much easier than when they get older. His screaming will probably stop when his verbal skills become better. You are doing the right thing.
Please don't slap him, I cringed when I saw that as a suggestion. That will just teach him to hit when he is frustrated instead of screaming.
All abused children were only "spanked" or "gently slapped" in the beginning of the abuse, please don't anyone hit, slap their children. There are much better ways of teaching your children. Even the American Pediatrics have said spanking or hitting children is not recommended.
Being a parent is so hard, but it sounds like you are doing a good job, believe me, you work hard on them now, it will get much easier when they are older and you will be glad you did!. Good parenting is hard work but so worth it in the end.

thanks for the advice I did take my human growth and devolpment and I have an associates in psychology but I couldn't find it anywhere in my brain last night hahaha, stress I suppose. But yes I did the time outs and they finally worked. I didn't realize I hard it is to balance school and a 1 yr old but it will all be worth it soon very soon! And I don't hit or spank him unless he is deliberatly mean (which he is sometimes) I think he gets bored because he is so smart, he knew his colors at 1yrs old and is now 16months old. He figures out his toys and blocks and then doesn't play with them anymore. I would love to let him play outside all day which is why the tantrum was going on, but we got so much rain that I would fear him falling in a little puddle and me not seeing soon enough and then he would drown. But the sun is out and its 75F here so he's outside now with my inlaws having a blast!!! I will definatly use those stratagies you suggested though, so far so good hun.
And thanks again

(((futurenurse)))

There is nothing worse than a screaming 16 month old!!!

Unless of course it's a screaming 5 year old! (LOL)

I have three sons, mostly grown, two in their 20's and one who is 14. I have seen it all. I do NOT recommend slapping EVER.

Please do not feel shy about consulting with your pediatrician. Your child could be crying for any number of reasons, that need to be sorted out. Your pediatrician can help you do that. They are trained to help!

It could be something as simple as new teeth coming in, or some kind of fear from a disruption in his daily routine. Or, he could just be a very sensitive soul.

My middle son screamed for years! He is very sensitive. Now, at the age of 22, he is a fine adult male, trying to make his mark on the world. But, what a ride it was.

Best of luck. Feel free to PM me if you wish.

I have an eighteen month old doing the same thing. Its normal. Annoying but normal. When she starts screaming I lightly put my hand over her mouth and say remember no screaming and over time that has helped a lot. It startles her when I do that and I think that is why it helps. You don't hit or anything just basically touch the mouth.

I checked his mouth yesterday cuz his eating has really slowed down again and sure enough he has 6 teeth all on the bottom fixin to come through at any time. Poor guy its funny though you say your son screamed alot. I read in my book last night (nursing) that if a child is very clingy and tempermental but not a bad temperment that the kid is very sensitive and attentive, so I'm sure his mark is already somewhere in the world he just doesn't know it yet I appreciate everyones postings, I hate calling my mother in law and my mom all the time, I don't want them to think I'm helpless. I tell ya, I just keep looking for the set of instructions they should have sent home with my son from the hospital and can't find them anywhere

You're being a mother....a worrier, it's okay.

Seriously...it's okay.

What I've sort of read up and learned from my best friend who has a career in child development is babies at that age are unable to express emotion well, yet. If that makes sense. They are still mastering self emotion and can become confused by what they feel...so they'll react in the way they do know and that is screaming, tantrums, frustration.

My little boy is four and is finally exiting the tantrum behavior. Don't get me wrong he still gets frustrated, but we talk...and I help he realize he is angry..and that it's okay. Now for my daughter (turning 3 beg. April) , she's still becoming aware of her emotions.

Don't worry yourself into an ulcer. Talk to the Doc and ask questions...there's nothing wrong with that. Research toddler behavior...do what you have to till you feel comfortable again.

Totally normal. Although if you are worried about Autism, it wouldn't hurt to look up some symptoms just to reassure yourself that he's fine.

One thing I try to do with my 2 year old - any time she starts to throw a fit that we can't control, I remove her from the situation. Take her to another room, quiet, away from distractions, just to CHILL for a minute.

Sometimes it helps, sometimes she just spends 10 minutes screaming. I don't know if it's good or not, but it's a thought.

Just don't use the crib as the "time-out" spot because then that can make bedtimes worse if they associate the crib with punishment. Oh, and it's not punishment! Just helping them relax.

Hey there...
I work with people with developmental disabilities daily. I have been through extensive Autism training. I wouldn't worry so much about Autism right now. Prominent effects of Autism become apparent around 2. One of the biggest signs is loss of words and aloofness. Doesn't sound like that is happening. People are often very quick to ask if its Autism because the diagnosis of Autism is on the rise (1 in every 150 - WOW!) However, you know your child better than anyone and if you feel they need to be tested I would recommend that. Early intervention is vital. Good luck, let me know if I can help anymore!

Choose Love,
Angel

A good thing that works WELL is changing the focus...especially at that age.

At his age, he's not apt to hold that focus of anger and it can more easily be distracted. Use that to your benefit here.

It will be alot of work at first because he's having frequent tantrums and is much too young for "reasoning". There is no reasoning with a child of that age. What helps the moment is what works.

With all the children I've been involved with (lots), that age is one of the most difficult (and certainly not the last...lol). Try to quickly (before he gets to the out-of-control screaming) try to re-focus to something different. Please don't look at it as giving in. You're not. You're working on a plan, so actually you're "winning" there.

After a time, his little self won't be used to having such frequent tantrums and you'll be finding yourself having to do this less.

Things I would do to re-focus is start patty cake (even loud and silly), walk outside and do a loud mock shock or amazement at "nothing" and point, do something almost as loud or attention grabbing as his behavior to grab him for a second...that's all it takes. If he falls down on the floor screaming, mock fall after him and laugh at yourself in a silly way. Get in there with him and turn it around.

This is what I've found works the best. Babies that age work strictly off of feeling...physical or emotional raw feeling. Attention span and memory is very low and now is the best time to turn it around. Comforting and maintaining control is paramount as when they feel that way and so much, it can be very scary for them...out of control feeling...and only ramps things up.

There were even times (when at its peak) I would sit behind my boy, holding him close while he screamed and kicked saying, "Mommy's here and loves you" in very soothing words over and over and over again.

Of course, you only want to do these things when you DO feel in control. Children know us sometimes better than we know ourselves. Let him know you're in control and that it's going to be alright by showing him that...grabbing his attention and turning it around, or just keeping him safe in your arms until it's over repeating in a soothing tone.

These things have never let me down. I wouldn't have considered, personally, a time out at that age. Now, there were times that I placed my children in their crib when I felt frustrated or even angry, but not as a form of hoping to correct behaviors. I feel that's leaving them to their own devices to handle something they're not equipped on any level to handle with their limited understanding and skills. That said, sometimes it's necessary to do so long enough for mom to "breathe".

I know what you're going through, and good luck!

KD