[MyBestKids2]

My 9 year old son was arguing with my 12 year old daughter and he said to her "Shut up or I'll give you a tittie twist". I told him that was wrong, to never say it again. He said to me "blah blah blah". He then went into the bedroom with his Dad, and I told him what his son said. Dad then said to me "Oh man, kids have been saying that for years".

I am

[(JD)]

Ok, what have you done to change this for the future? Sure sounds like he's old enough to realize the difference between what he hears and what is appropriate to say for himself as a member of your family. Respect for others, and fair fighting and all that stuff...you could go in any of those directions or all of them.

While disrespect for siblings is considered normal, it doesn't have to be long-lived. I fully believe the problem of today's youth is lack of respect, lack of self-respect too (thus what others call low self-esteem.)

You have a prime opportunity right now to give him and your daughter a better way. Good wishes!

(Maybe your spouse will learn how to be respectful along the way too?)

[Peanuts]

ugh - I hate it when my husband doesn't back me up on something that I feel is disrespectful towards girls/women.

I would just forge ahead and make it a house rule that making disrespectful statements are not allowed. And the choice of words your 9 year old used definitely fit the disrespectful category. Your husband doesn't have to agree with it - but you can enforce the rule anyway.

good luck,

[MyBestKids2]

The saga continues

My son was having a meltdown, my husband was screaming in his face. My son told him to get out of his face or he would hit him. My husband proceeds to say "Go ahead hit me, I'll hit you back and we'll see who the real man is".

[Peanuts]

Sounds like both of them need a time-out ! It is not helpful for your husband to respond to your son's frustration like that - it seems to add fuel to a fire already burning hot. It is hard though not to react to whatever spews out of their mouths in the middle of a melt down. I've been there and while I hope not to be there again .. being the mom of a young teen boy, I know that there is a good chance I'll get to see meltdowns in the future. ugh

Can you coach your husband not to react to the meltdown ? My husband struggled with this as well but has really tried and continues to try and keep an even temper. It seems to me that when a young person starts to get dramatic, adults keeping a cool head seem to help the young person at least not get any more dramatic. And sometimes they can actually start to settle.

There is a book that I found helpful, "Speaking of Boys" by Michael Thompson, phD. There is a chapter on sons & fathers. Perhaps this will help ?

[MyBestKids2]

Thanks peanuts, great advice.

Unfortunately, the only thing I can coach my husband on is using a napkin to wipe the Coors Light dribble from his chin.

[BalishBun]

It does get irritating when as parents, you can have two totally different view-points on discipline. Its nerve racking!

[RozG]

((((((((Dee))))))))

you have my sympathy and understanding on this one, both my husbands were the same...and unfortunately boys seem to learn from their fathers as opposed to their mothers.

i'm sorry if the only advice i'm about to give is no good but it's all i have besides love and support...

i don't know your personal circumstances which is why i don't know if this idea is practical but...is there a grandfather or favorite uncle that could talk to your son about his behaviour?...and forgive me if you think this next suggestion out of line, it's out of concern for you...maybe they could have a word in your husbands ear too, explain to him how his attitudes transfer to his son?

sincerest apologies if you feel this post disrespectful in any way...

and good luck sorting it all out.

(((((((((((((((((((mybestkids))))))))))))))

sometimes what you have spent weeks teaching them, spouces can undo it in one sentence .... i know it's hard to be a united front in your situation, I'm so sorry you are trying so hard to teach them right from wrong and getting no support .... ((((((((Dee)))))))))))))))

Jinny xxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

kids..

yeah, thats absolutely inappropriate.

Could you make it clear to your son that that would be considered by some people to be a form of sexual assault?

That may grab his attention better and shake him up a little bit. But, im not sure if its entirely appropriate for his age.

I dont know if this is somehting you could keep in mind for the future in case he does get worse but when my little sister stole my aunts car and went joyriding, my aunt left and came back with a police officer. He didnt arrest her but he sure gave her a good scare, and it seems to have helped. If the situation ever required it thats one thing you might do.

Im sorry things are so hard. If i can find any resources about it I will.