Comments on Feelings 18 yr leaving home

I'd like to hear from anyone that has experienced a child leaving home.

My son will be turning 18 at the end of April. I've had a lot of problems with him. I am a recovering drug addict and in therapy for recovery from childhood abuse.

I've been waiting for him to turn 18 because he is an addict in active using. He steals from me, has anger rages, has drugs and alcohol in my home and smokes pot in his room even though I've asked him not to because I don't want to jepordize my recovery. He doesn't have a job and I took him out last weeking to put in applications. He's in a school call Lifeskills working slowly on a diploma. He has 10 credits.

He has been with me growing together all of his life. I am divorced and his Dad is an alcoholic-addict and has not been in his life. I am now having feelings I don't want him to go. I know he needs to go for my safety, but I feel a part of me is dying.

My T wanted me this week to journal my feelings on this. I started last night and wrote 2 sentences and started crying so hard you would have thought my son died. I had to stop journaling. It was too emotional. I was just wondering how others felt as they went through this or if anyone can help me with this.

Thanks.

Race

i was 17 when i left home and hadnt graduated high school yet. i have heard of lifeskills. we had that at centerville and there was one in middletown (ohio).

granted i didn't have all the problems you describe but im so glad my parents let go. when i fell on my face they were there to help and now i see all these kids my age who dont even know how to balance a check book because their parents did everything for them and never let them leave.

sounds like maybe he needs to fall flat on his face before he grows up a little bit. but if he doesnt have a job how do you expect him to move out anyways?

i think it would not only benefit you, but him also. everyone needs time on their own to figure out who they are. my boyfriend never got that and he still struggles with identity issues and jsut simply not knowing how to handle situations because he has never had to face them. he went from his parents house, to school with his friends, to moving in with me. and admittedly, that was partially my fault and i shouldnt have let him move in. but its much more of a struggle now to do simple everyday things because he has never had this experience before.

i think me moving out was good for me and my moms health. mostly because we would have killed each other lol good luck with your son. im sorry to hear that he treats you like that. you deserve more respect than that especially since youre trying to clean up.

I beleive if he has any luck overcoming his own problems he needs to try life out on his own. Hopefully he gets better.

It's a big change for you too and I think you're seeing that. Keep working with your T.

I kicked my son out at that age. he refused to get a job, would lay around the house all day then want me to give him money for dates or whatever else he wanted. I bought him a one way ticket to move to Ohio to live with his best friend. I cried and cried. but today he is a fine man. makes a good living and even thanks me now. I am very proud of my son.

Could be wrost !!! I am word for word am going though the same thing you are ! But I got 2 of them a 17 & a 20 year old they are driving me nuts .The stories I could tell you .

Isn’t odd how things change. I moved out of my parent’s home when I was 18 and didn’t give it a second thought; my husband and I moved across the world to Japan.

My daughter went off to college this year. I absolutely know that this is the best thing for her, but it did not help. Her father and I are both upset every time she goes back to college after a weekend visit; we try very hard not to let her know that though. I am so excited; she’ll be out of school next month and will be home for the summer.

I haven’t had to do it cold turkey yet, and I don’t know how I’ll handle it when it’s permanent. I had an epiphany when she moved out, it occurred to me that I’ve never known anyone to go off to college and return home. I know that my baby is now an adult and my time with her is limited. I find myself wishing that it was a hundred years ago when children married and stayed on the farm with their parents.

Having them leave the nest is a part of the cycle of life, I feel your pain.

He faked a robbery in my home this week. He did considerable damage to doors and broke into a fireproof safe and stole silver dollars I saved for years. He called the police like it wasn't him. They found the door pried from the inside. He tried to make it look like someone forced their way in. I can't take anymore. He hasn't threatened or tried to hurt me, but is that next? He has no job and I have to make him leave. My T wants me to get a protection order. I am concerned that if I make him leave he will try to break in when I'm not at home. He needs drug money.
Today I found his vicadon and alcohol and got rid of it so he through stuff around the house.

I can't believe this is happening. Any suggestions?

He sounds like my brother. My little brother is 19 years old, does drugs and drinks heavily, treats my parents horribly, has severe anger issues, is extremely violent, can't hold a job, and wrecked three cars in 6 months. Now he's facing felony charges for using a stolen credit card while one of his friends is facing strong armed robbery charges over the same event. And still my parents won't kick him out. Every time I visit he treats me like %#@&#! and then asks me for things. When I say no, and explain that he can't treat people like that and expect them to help him, my mom tells me to stop acting like his mother. I have to fight the urge to scream that if she acted like his mother then I wouldn't have to!

He has never once had to face the consequences for his actions. My parents even paid his bail and got him a lawyer. All I can say is it's no wonder when they let him get away with everything.

Raceka, for your son's own good, you need to kick him out. He has to learn that his actions have consequences. If he breaks in, then call the police. I know it breaks your heart, but in the end it will do him more good than it would if you allowed him to stay.

wow, hard stuff. I know both the pain of the empty nest and of kids doing what your son is up to. My best friend has a son like that and she can't let go. He has stolen thousands from her and it continues. He is 24. it is time to let him go with or without a job. Set the date and make him leave. Tell him that you will not protect him from his own behavior. I really know the sadness. It is so difficult. AAAA said it well. My baby is in college and home for the weekend. I have seen little of her this semester. I also have a son who was not like yours but bad enough and he moved out, took a year to really grow up but is now doing pretty well. I hope you can kick him out and measure carefully the help you give him. At his age it would be good to also force the inpatient treatment option. If you go to treatment I will do=== to help. As hard as this may sound I might even personally call the police if he steals again, or when, and also lock up tighter then fort knox. Good luck to you with whatever you decide. It is haed stuff from any side of the coin but from watching my friend I can say that her kid's life is worse now because she was unable to set boundaries with him.

Sunday he turns 18. He was supposed to move out then. He asked to stay until May 2nd. I told him ok. He's still working me for money. He has no job. He is planning on living in an apartment with 5 other people about a block away from me. He said all he has to buy is his food. He said he will get a job when he moves. I think he will be selling drugs.

I haven't applied for the protection order yet. I'm not sure if I would qualify for it. It looks like it is for domestic violence and he hasn't been violent towards me. My T thinks that will be the next step. If I do get it I will not be allowed any contact with him at all. The good part is he won't be able to manipulate me into giving him money, which has been easy for him to do. That has been a real weakness of mine. He got $10 out of me this week, he said he'd pay me back from birthday money he will get. I probably won't see it because he will take the money out of the mailbox before I get home.

I'm going to secure the house the best I can. I don't know about the protection order. That's a big decision that might not be necessary.

I found a bunch of Mucinex pills in his room yesterday. I will call the police on him, I have many times.

He has been in and out of treatment 4 times. I've had him in counceling. I had him arrested and he was in a drug program with the juvenile court and was terminated for non compliance. That's our great system.

I'll keep you posted. Thanks for your support.

My son turned 18 a week ago. For the past two months, he was living with his 16 year old girlfriend. When I asked the mother why she was allowing him to live there, she said she adored my son and it was absolutely fine. (Her daugher gave my son an STI). Now, 4 days after his 18th birthday, the mom and her boyfriend kicked him out of the house, so he's back. While he was gone, it was so peaceful for everyone. Now he's back and he's already stolen my mother's (she has MS and is living here) Citalopram. My husband is bipolar and I think he's gotten into his seroquel. (I've found searches on his computer about snorting these things.) He's on supervised probation for possession of marijuana, and I know he's not been doing that anymore, but it appears he's turning to worse stuff. He doesn't have a job, but I want to kick him out. I haven't yet because without a job, I know he'll turn to selling drugs. Any suggestions from anyone here?

Hey, solana, welcome to PsychCentral.

Wow, that's really hard. I don't think he can be around where he's endangering your mother's and husband's health (stealing the meds they need; one can't get "more" that easily!)

I'd put him on alert that he's out the door by X date and to get a job and lock up all the drugs inbetween. Don't do laundry or other personal services for him or let him use all the dishes without washing any and eat you out of house and home either, make him as "uncomfortable" as you can!