Ever worry about your mental health issues and it's effect on your children.

I worry that because I am depressed currently that it will cause long term damage to them. I try, I really do, but sometimes you just can't fake being a good mom.

I wory, too. I have to balance what I need with their needs.... sometimes we do good bonding things and other times I just have to sit and watch tv an db alone.

I worry about the environmental and genetic effects. I know in my world that my illnesses have affected my children in both of these ways. I do however overcompensate for my illness' effects by lovin' them to pieces!!!

this is why i haven't had kids, yet. i'm 36. my hubby wants a kid. i'm afraid to do it. people say that i would make an awesome parent. i have chronic depression that lasts for years. plus, the added worry in providing for them while i can't work is too much for me.

sometimes I think they deserve so much better...

But I don't abuse them like I was as a kid

They are told they are loved and hugged everyday

A kiss goodnight....
but still they deserve better I think.

I ditto the "sometimes I think they deserve so much better" comment. I have felt that a lot. I never felt like I was a good enough mother - even for the brief few months that I wasn't extremely depressed.

But then I try to remember - I am working on fixing myself. And I'm doing the best I can to give her the best life possible.

I have never, and will never, hurt her. There are no drugs or alcohol in our home. She has a loving father who plays with her every day. I provide her with a safe and clean home. I'm doing the best that I can. I tell her I love her EVERY day, and I hug her at least 2 or 3 times a day.

It's like my mom's cancer. Sure, I could just accept the fact that my mom had breast cancer so that means I'll get it. And truthfully, I still might. But that doesn't mean I can't eat healthy, lose weight, avoid hormone therapy, and take other measures to decrease my risk. Sure, the risk of me getting cancer will always be there. But I can do everything in my power to reduce that risk.

Sure, your kids may risk inheriting some of your traits. But you can try to do everything in your power to prevent that - even just telling them you love them, and refusing to allow them to be abused, that alone can help stop the cycle.

I worried not only that my mental illness has affected my child rearing but I am more concerned that I passed those genes along to my children. Since my kids are all older 21, 18, and twin 15; I am paranoid that they will wrestle with the depression and anxiety and not ask for help.

I think that the thing that I did best, other than telling them a million times a day that I love them, like them and truly enjoy their company, was that I allowed an open dialog at all times between us. I let them know that I loved them with all my heart and soul and that I always have their best interests at heart. I let them know that I’m human, I make mistakes, and I try very hard not to make the mistakes my parents did, but I am sure that I’m making new ones of my own. I allowed them to voice their opinions and had discussions on everything under the sun. I was honest with them about my disease and its symptoms.

When they were small and I was depressed, I would make that quiet snuggle time. It gave them the attention they needed and made me feel better too. Those times when mommy was really sad, they would crawl into bed with me, they’d take turns telling stories.

When I was manic, I always knew that the darkness was coming again, so I’d make “rainy day” kits of things that they’d love to do, that required me only to say “oh how beautiful” when I was depressed. The arts and crafts store, a plastic table cloth (for the floor) and a plastic table and chairs are a depressed mom’s best friend.

I’m at the stage of my life that I can look back and see the mistakes I made. But I can honestly say that I didn’t make any more or less than any other parent, I of course wish that I had the opportunity to change those things. My husband and I have made the children the focus of our lives. They have always known that we love them more than anything and have spent every free minute of our lives with them. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband that picked up the slack and did not find it a chore.

The tables are turned now, we have to beg them to free up their schedule to spend time with us. I have four wonderful children, and it can’t all be chalked up to luck. If you give your child love and boundaries the rest will fall into place. I think that a great deal of us with mental health issues compensate by really focusing on our children. I was always amazed by friends/co-workers that wanted to spend their downtime doing activities without their kids. I wonder what kind of a parent I would have been without my mental health issues, I wonder if I would have been one of those parents that thinks that weekends are for parties and the kids get a sitter.