Managing the "clutter"

My youngest son has just turned 10 and is really having a tough time keeping track of his things. He has always been a bit of a scatter-brain in that he leaves his coat or jacket everywhere, sets down a favorite book and then can't remember where .. etc.. but lately it seems to be really getting worse. I'm at a loss to figure out why.

I don't know if it is because spring is here and he is excited about being outside or what. So far, he has lost two jackets and a sweat shirt (probably somewhere in our yard or neighbors yard), can't find his favorite crystal, left HW material at school .. I think he is lucky his ears are attached to his head.

He has also gotten worse with not completing a task - such as washing hands before dinner. He has always been somewhat creative as to what defines a clean hand .. lol but now it is ridiculus. He comes to the table with what is clearly dirt all over the palm of his hands - and looks right at me and says that yes he did indeed wash his hands. I have to send him back to the sink and he complains the whole time that I'm being too picky.

Feeding the dog has been his chore for over a year now. Lately he has been messy filling the dog's bowl and leaving kernals of food all along the path from the big bag of food in breeseway to the dog dish. When I see the mess I call him back to clean up and he usually says something like, "oh yeah .. I forgot". ??

Its like the wheels are falling off for him but I don't know why. And when I ask him he just tells me that he doesn't know but that he just forgets.

I'm trying to think of strategies to help him keep track or focus - any suggestions ?

this sounds so much like my son, but he was diagnoised adhd and he can tidy his room compleatly but within half an hour you cant see the floor coz he couldnt find what he wants and it all gets turned out,
no sugestns as son is 16 and its got the point i gave up doing things for him

If we send our ten year old up the stairs for a few things I can garuntee (sp) that he will forget somthing ! So we make him go again and again untill he has everything....

He really dosnt like that and has now asked for us to write it down lol.

As for losing things well he just lost a school science sack and I am at a loss as to how to replace it but I will make sure he works it off at the weekend by tidying the barns or somthing nasty so he starts to remember things again.

I am a wicked parent lol.

I had this problem as a kid. My mom described it as always "being off in la la land." I still have a hard time being organized today, but one thing that helped when I was a kid was a written list. My mom would write down everything I needed to get done, and I would cross it off as I went down the list. For everything that I completed, I was given a reward like money, or a special treat. If I didn't finished the list by a certain time, then I lost something, like being able to watch my favorite TV show. As long as my mom went through it with me everyday, I found it easy to stay on task. Just one day with out following the schedule, though, and I would fall apart and go right back to being messy and disorganized. This still happens to me. If I go one day with out following my schedule, then it takes real effort and maybe a few days to get back on track. And that's if I'm able to work up the motivation to do it. (Harder since mom no longer controls whether or not I can watch my favorite shows.)

ahhh a LIST. Good idea. I will try that and see if it helps.

It sounds reasonable to me that your son replace the science sack .. not sure what might be in such a sack but I imagine it must have been somewhat expensive. I have no idea where you might get science supplies. I bet the teacher gets them in bulk from a supplier ??

I like the list idea - I'm going to create a list with my son and then make a few copies and try it out. If it helps, then I'll get the list laminated so that he can use a dry erase marker and check mark off the items each day.

I never thought about add/hd as possibly making it difficult for my son. I don't think he as this but I have not had him evaluated either.

Sounds like your son could probably use some clear see-through containers for his room so that he can see what is in them without empting and making a mess. I like to use the clear left-over containers so that when I open the fridge .. I can know what the left-overs are .. before they turn into a science projec.t

Labels can help with putting things away. Divide his stuff into categories, and then label a bunch of containers with that category. Have him make his own inventories. Let him decorate the containers with whatever he wants. If it's "his" project, and not just something you're making him do, then he'll be much more likely to take an interest in it.

Science sack is expensive its sent by the goverment for intensive science homework, its not just that I seem to be replacing all sorts of stuff the last thing was his swimming kit left on the school bus ! He is getting better as he really is not keen on paying it all off....

Good luck.

Good responses you have gotten. I would do the written calender of what he has to do when and have him check it off. Natural consequences are best. If he forgets things maybe he needs to go without but if it causes him a lot of anxiety don't do it. He could be stressed about something that is not conscious. I would not be negative but be very positive. Ask him what he would like for reminders and what will help him remember. I don't know if rewards should be used, that is an individual thing. I also would not put a lot of focus on it except in saying you want to help him remember and what will help. You can tell him you will have more time for him if he doesn't need you to remind him of everything. As for the missing clothes, he has to care enough to look so I would tell him to go looking for his things that are lost and set a positive for everything he returns with. It is important to have him be responsible now for things but very positively. He will be grown before you know it. The clothes thing always got me as I hated them to be without and once I paid for something I expected it to be there. I still can remember the things they lost as kids. My husband is way worse losing everything so do your son's future wife a favor and teach him now about putting tools away and taking care of his things.

Great ideas everyone - thank you very much. My son and I are going to stop by the craft shop and pickout some clear containers for some of his "collections". My husband is thinking that perhaps we could rearrange his bedroom so that he can have a larger portion of the wall available for shelving to hold his new containers.

We are already using the checklists - it seems to help once we put it on his bedroom door so that he sees it upon leaving his room.

I also suspect that he is stressed about the Ohio achievement tests which are coming up soon. The school is all worked up about these tests and I think it has made my son nervous. Schools in Ohio are under pressure to improve performance or else they get financially punished by the state/federal. It is a shame as they seem to spend the entire spring teaching to the achievement tests instead of nurturing an excitement for learning. ugh.

Thanks again everyone !

(((Peanuts)))

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Hi! I am new and this is my first post. My youngest daughter just turned 9 and it is just me and her, I am divorced, other children are older and gone.

She has trouble remembering anything she is supposed to do, even feeding the dog after school, and this is to be done every day, it never changes.

We did try the list, I am not very good at remembering either, so it it kinda like the blind leading the blind. The only part I am good at is the empathy with her problem!

I am open to suggestions. I guess a list would be the best, especially if we go do something fun after it is all done. Today we are going swimming because we (I stress we) are getting our chores done!! I am like a child, too!!

I wish I could grow up. lol.

Gracie

My son and I created a chart where he can earn points for those chores that are expected of him that he previously would "forget". The points are making a positive impact and he is doing a great job of keeping his room together, getting the pets fed and watered, hanging up his coat, etc.

Positive rewards !! The points can be turned in for legos - which is something my son really really loves to collect.

Why not use a calendar, hung in a prominent place...for each day when she feeds the dog, she gets to put a sticker on the calendar day?

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Stickers worked when my son was younger but now he is into legos. A calendar is a good idea - gives a visual of the week's progress towards points.

Thanks