Mommy Guilt

Lately I'm feeling so guilty for not spending enough time with my daughter.

During tax season (I'm an accountant), of course I was working long hours.

But now that it's over - I'm signed up for a CPA exam prep class on the weekends. I'm going to be studying a lot - which I can do at night after she's in bed...but the classes are Friday nights & Saturday mornings in a city 3 hours away.

I know this is what I need to do to pass the exam. I just don't have the determination to study on my own without the structure of the class. My boss paid for it, so I kind of have to do it. I'm required to get my license within 2 years of when they hired me, or they'll let me go.

But I just feel so guilty. My daughter is only 2-1/2 years old. Sure, she LOVES her daddy to death, and we found an excellent babysitter who is better than a grandma to her. I do feel reassured in those areas. But I just feel like I'm missing so much!

The way our finances are, I know in my head that I can never be a full-time at-home mom. It's just not possible for the lifestyle I want her to grow up in. I don't want her to live in poverty if I can help it. My husband only works at a grocery store, part-time. He just doesn't have much earning potential. Which is fine! I have a degree, part of a Master's degree, and almost a CPA. It just makes sense that I work more.

Is there a cure for mommy guilt? Will I ever get it in my head that she is still being cared for by people she loves, and this is what I need to do for our future??

Your daughter will ALWAYS know that you are her mother. Knowing that she has excellent care givers and loves her daddy will help ease your mind. You are working hard to provide for your family which is a responsible parental activity.

Perhaps you and your daughter can do something special just the two of you on Sunday. Think of something that will be just you and her such as bedtime story, bath time, have "tea" time.

Please don't beat yourself up - its OK to miss being with her and it is also OK to be a good provider for your family.

take care,

Ugh, this morning just made it even worse. I took her to daycare this morning. Usually Daddy drops her off, but today it was my turn.

She was upset with me because I wouldn't let her have a piece of candy she found in the coat closet.

We got to daycare, I dropped her off - and she went up and hugged her babysitter and was sooo happy to see her. Her face just lit up when she saw her, and she gave the babysitter a huge hug!

I am so jealous. I know I should be happy that she loves her babysitter...but that should be ME that she runs to!! Not her!!

She didn't even say goodbye to me when I left

That is your child feeling so secure in your love that she feels safe to be in the company of her babysitter !! I think it is a secure attachment thing - and it is a really good thing.

Hopefully this will make you feel a bit better about dropping her off at the sitters ! I would imagine that it would be worse if she sobbed and carried on about you leaving her ..

take care,

Razzle,
Your daughter sounds like a contented toddler to me. Mummy guilt (in my opinion) is responsible for many of the problems in this world. Mums generally seem to spoil the children materially due to the guilt of being a working mother. THIS DOES NO GOOD FOR THE CHILD AT ALL. I agree with peanuts - in having some special time with her on Sunday - but also create a build up to it, maybe getting her to collect things (different shapes, pasta, materials etc) through the week to create a collage on Sunday - thereby stretching the excitement of your special time. Obviously at her age you need to request items, shapes that you know she can find in the house, this way every day you are setting up a reason for you to praise her when you arrive home. As kids thrive on praise, she will probably be waiting at the door with her latest "find" when you return home.