grrrrrrrrrrrrr 14 yr old pushing limits to far

daughters i have three daughters each one has given me diferant things to worry about
youngest daughter is everything is her boyfriend no give on her side just take take, we have had two large phone bills coz of her now i looked online and i see she hasnt stopped even though there is a lock code on the phone you have to unlock the phone to use it, somehow shes found the code so i have now ordered a new code

every time she gets caught she starts screeming and shouting at me and hubby which isnt helping, the things she says is very horrible towards us and others here

i know she has issues at the moment but how far is to far

Get rid of the phones in your house except one in your room that you can monitor. Take the remaining phones and put them somewhere out of her reach, maybe a friend's house. Tell that that she can earn her phone privileges and privacy back SLOWLY (maybe 15 minutes per weekday and 30 per weekend) if the next phone bill is reasonable and another 15 minutes if the next phone bill is reasonable. If you leave somewhere, you can always take the phone with you. Another, maybe easier idea is just to get a cell phone. You could probably get a family plan and restrict her minutes.

The back-talk is a harder issue. You have to be firm and show her that you're not %#@&#! around and demand respect. If you don't get that respect, start withdrawing privileges that she has. Keep in mind that the process is going to be easier if you treat her with respect rather than as a subordinate.

well after telling her she wasnt allowed phone she stormed of and walked into near where her boyfriend lives she got hold of him to meet her
im so angry because of how selfish this was of her i spent over an hour and half driving around looking for her this is along a busy rd and its dark now

I kind of expected her to go off and meet her boyfriend. What's the problem with that? If you cut off phone communication, you have to expect her to use some other means of communication, unless your goal is to keep her quiet, in the house, and well-behaved. Most teens aren't going to act that way. Is it a problem with the boyfriend that you have? Are you just upset because she walked away disrespectfully?

im upset because it was late,along a main road about four miles, but she also phoned him to meet her before she left,by the time we found her and got her home it had become dark, as we are in the uk, no i dont have a problem with b/f hes very quiet,

i do have problem with the way she speaks to us if she cant have her own way, shes been going out with this boy for over 6mths two phone bills over £200 and then she looks for code for the phone and uses it while we are at hospital with her sister

trust is one of the things she broke
i take her to b/f and i run around picking him up and dropping him of

Well, from an outsider's perspective, it seems like you might be acting unreasonably.

Your daughter ran up the phone bill. You asked her to stop. That means she's going to use another mode to communicate with her guy, and talking on the phone, or internet chatting, is the best she can do. (By the way, have you thought about getting Skype? It lets you talk on the phone using your computer, and it's totally free.)

Did she know that she isn't supposed to leave the house when it gets dark? If she didn't, then it's unfair to penalize her. Just have a normal conversation with her about safety and about being out late. Tell her that as long as she acts responsibly and reasonably, leaving and coming before a certain reasonable time, you won't impose a curfew, and that you believe she can act responsibly. Show her that you respect her ability to make good decisions for herself and start to shift the burden of caring for her safety onto her, so you don't have to worry about it all day and night.

The more you get in your teen's way, the more she is going to want to push you aside. If you give her a little freedom and show her that she can earn your respect and earn privileges by meeting certain reasonable expectations, she won't have as much reason to rebel.