A bit of advice for parents:

<font color="purple">This is a direct copy-paste from an old-ish blog entry of mine, but I don't know if people even read that thing anyways so if you didn't get the memo:

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Telling a kid to “ignore” the bullies doesn’t work. It just wont. Kids don’t exactly have the emotional intelligence or maturity to simply “ignore” someone who is making them hurt, so OF COURSE they are going to react to a bully. It’s not a matter of self-restraint for a kid, it’s a matter of self-worth. Also, bullies almost NEVER bully someone just to see their reaction for their own ammusement, if you ignore them, they’ll just keep pressing harder and harder and harder until you break- instead of just getting bored and going away. From my expiriences, kids bully because of their underlying securities or they are lashing out because of a poor enviorment- wether or not little Jhonny cries after 5 minutes or 15 minutes isn’t going to change either cause. “Ignoring a bully and they’ll stop picking on you” is just about the WORST advice to give.

And yet, it was the only bit of advice that I’ve ever recieved. Infact, there were times when they said that where they almost made it out to be MY fault.

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So yes, if your a parent and your child is being bullied- be a little more proactive then just telling them to ignore it. </font>

do what my dad did... fight or don't come home.
wait that might be hard on a child too... guess I'm not the best one to ask, but I do aknowledge your post and hope it is well recieved and helpfull to others.

each case has it's own different circumstances, so a blanket answer is never good advice anyways.

I never had much luck ignoring bullies myself instead I told teachers and principals on them which was more effective. If one of my kids are having problems with a bully I tell them to go to a teacher and if that don't work then I go to the teacher.

<font color="purple">Well, it's sort of 1/2 advice, and 1/2 vent/rant. I just don't think "ignoring" it when a person is bothering you does any good. I was a pacifist child, I never could really stand up for myself, so when I tried to rely on my parents to help me- they really didn't help. I'm not saying for you to make your kid dependant on you forever by any means, but at least give them more helpful advice, like telling a teacher or something. </font>

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gimmeice said:
I never had much luck ignoring bullies myself instead I told teachers and principals on them which was more effective. If one of my kids are having problems with a bully I tell them to go to a teacher and if that don't work then I go to the teacher.

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<font color="purple">I think the most frustrating part of my own expirience with bullies is that I was really avoidant of telling anybody. Oh sure, I did at first, but after having plenty of not-so great responses by process of elimination there was nobody left. My parents weren't the best choice because they really didn't do anything to help, and my brother would just yell at me to tell someone, the babbysitter would just scold me instead because I was apparently a huge tattle-tale and the teachers were always too busy to deal with me. </font>

My 9 year old son was actively being bullied at school and on the bus. I've consulted various teachers and administrators so all are aware.

I'm quite proud of him, he has taken the "kill 'em with kindness" route. In the past month or so, he talks about "friends" instead of "them boys". Luckily, he trusted me enough to provide a daily update of the happenings so I was in constant communication with the school.

I will never advocate or suggest physical violence be used by my son, there is always another way IMHO.

Farmer Frank - are you my uncle? My grandfather was that way and it was HORRIBLE. My oldest is a gentle giant. Since he was different from the other kids he was picked on. I called the school every day in the month of October one year, that did not help and I was at my wits end, I was watching the playground at lunch recess every day I was off and still nothing was done. I finally told him (and I am anti-violence but I had reached my wits end) if someone hits, you, hit them back ONE time, but make that one time count. Guess what, that's all it took, but they wanted to punish HIM for defending himself. I think not. I told the principal, and superintendent that since they were unable to handle the situation, he did, and he would NOT be punished for it. The Principal attempted to tell me that by not punishing him, it would further alienate him from the group.

I'm really happy that the school that you're dealing with was willing to work with you on the problem. The one he attended at that time, he was in the 3rd grade, and all kids k-6 were out on the playgroud at one time with ONE monitor, who I discovered was usually standing in front of the door bsing with someone.

The bus is a horse of a different color, at least in this school district, if you cause trouble like that one time, the disruptive child's parent has to arrange transportation for him/her for the quarter the first offense, the rest of the year for the second. Amazing how parents are willing to step in and make their kids behave if they're the ones that have to worry about how to bring jr to school every day.

Kaika, I'm really sorry that you had to endure that on your own. I don't see stepping in and defending your child as making him/her dependent upon you, I see it as parenting. It's really frustrating these days, kids dx with ADHD in this school district have been given free reign with no consequence for their behavior. Being the parent of an ADHD child, I've said it a million times, ADHD is an excuse for lack of attention and impulse control, NOT BAD BEHAVIOR. Some teachers go out of their way to make sure that the kids are behaving in class and in the hallways, others just turn their head. My kids had two jobs in school, do their work and behave. Although I may think that they're extremely special and gifted, if my kids can do it, yours can too. I'll get off of my soap box now.