Couple of questions

Two questions here.

First one kind of borders on a question about grief but I'll post it here because it's also parenting (sorry if this is the wrong place). I think everyone knows, but my nephew, more of a son then a nephew, he lived with us, passed We also have twins.

Should I or should I not, when the twins are older, talk about my nephew? he was essentially their big brother and loved them. I don't want to inflict grief and sadness on them when they or older by talking about him, but he was part of the family and I don't want to ignore his memory. What do you all think? Is it important to talk about a passed family member, or better to keep it to a minimum?

I know the twins are young and there's plenty of time to think about this, but wondering what everyone else thought.

Alright, second question. Talked about this with a friend a while ago, just thought of it again today so figured I'd get everyone's opinions. Hopefully not a touchy subject and hopefully won't provoke any arguments, but if I'm overstepping any boundaries I apologize.

When raising kids, what do you do with your religion? Do you raise your children to follow your religion, or simply present your religion as an option and teach them about other religions also? Or not mention religion, unless asked, and let the child some to their own conclusion completely?

Just wanted to see everyone's opinions on this, thanks.

And, on a complete side note, twins turn six months old tomorrow

Vince I think you should talk about your nephew to them..when you are comfterbale about with it.
They will probably ask questions about him when they are older and see pictures. I think it is important to talk about passed family members..I know I am grateful to my parents for talking about their fathers to me..I don't have many memories of them but thanks to my parents I know they where around and involved in my life and loved me very much. And I always tell stories about my greatgrandmother and grandmother to my little sister.

As for religion..that is a complicated thing..it really just depends on how important the religion is to you...but it is always important to let people make their own choices when they come to a certain age.

Vince,
I think death is not something to keep secret from children. Although we've one had one close family pass away in recent years, my H and I included our children in the grieving process. We did not have them attend the viewing but they did go to the funeral and we answered their questions the best we could. Now when they see pictures they ask more questions and try to remember what she was like.

I will tell you my 9 yr old went through a phase around age 4-6 (totally unrelated to an actual death) were he was totally freaked out by Scooby Doo and the concept of ghosts and death. During this phase we really had to be careful what we said around him. He was worried about when I was going to die, if he was going to die, stuff like that. I not sure what the best way to handle that situation. I simply reassured him that death was a part of life that we have no control over (for the most part). It took him a while to pass through this stage, but he eventually did.

As for religion, I trying to figure out for myself how to handle this one. I am very guilty because neither of my children were baptized. My H is not a believer in any religion. I personally feel a strong connection to God, but have some real issues with some religious practices that seem to create man-made barriers between the individual and God. I'm not really sure what Christian "religion" my beliefs mainly align with. I took my kids to church for a few years but it was not a pleasant experience. What I remember from my childhood about church was mostly negative. I was always being whacked for getting my dress dirty, for not sitting still, or for talking. I don't want to repeat this experience with my children. I'll be watching this thread to see how others are dealing with this issue.

for me personally I would tell them about him. like someone else said you probably have pictures of him and they will want to know who he is.

as for religion....do you and your wife attend church? if so they will learn about it there. I am glad for my upbringing in church. very thankful for what I was taught as a child.

you should share your memories of your nephew with your children, they will ask questions and will want to know.

as far as religion, everyone is different in their beliefs. my hubby and i were both raised southern baptist, the difference being that i was taken to church adn learned things, but was allowed to draw my own conclusions, and it was stuffed down his throat. we have taken our kids to church most of their lives, and they are very familiar with our religion, but as they have grown and been exposed to outside influences we have not been a barrier to their exploration and seeking their own way. they all seem to be coming to their own conclusions which while not exactly what we were raised with it works for them. anything you try to force on children will eventually push them into rebellion, IMO.

lost

Since your twins are so little, I don't think this is a problem that you'll have to worry about for a while. I've got mixed emotions on this. My nephew's paternal family really wanted to include his deceased relatives in their family. It kind of gave him a death fixation, any time he saw a picture of someone he asked "when did he/she die?" So I think you should wait for them to ask questions and explain it to them on their level. I'm sure you have pictures of the boy around the house, they'll eventually ask who he is and where he is.

As for the religion, that of course depends on your and gf wishes. My children were all baptized. You can begin their religious training at home reading them bible stories and sharing your beliefs with them. I do have a problem with most organized religions. There is too much politics involved in my opinion. My children did ask to attend Sunday school when they were around 7.

-Should I or should I not, when the twins are older, talk about my nephew? he was essentially their big brother and loved them. I don't want to inflict grief and sadness on them when they or older by talking about him, but he was part of the family and I don't want to ignore his memory. What do you all think? Is it important to talk about a passed family member, or better to keep it to a minimum?

I think, that when the age of appropriateness comes around, that you SHOULD talk about him for sure. Kids are much wiser than we give them credit for, and not talking about it with them may leave them wondering why you kept it secret. Too, although we dont want to inflict greif or sadness, those are both emotions that children need to learn to cope with so they have those skills as adults. Of course, make it age appropriate, but do answer questions honestly to the best of your ability. It is also totally ok to give a general and say " When your a little bit older I will tell you the rest of what happened. Right now i think telling you might upset you and I don't want that". This shows you value them and respect them and don't want to see them hurt. Above all else, don't lie or make up fairy tales ("the angels took them" or "they ran away" kind of things. Kids see through thhis all the time.

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Alright, second question. Talked about this with a friend a while ago, just thought of it again today so figured I'd get everyone's opinions. Hopefully not a touchy subject and hopefully won't provoke any arguments, but if I'm overstepping any boundaries I apologize.

In MY opinion I think you should present opportunities to learn about your religeon in a way that allows them the freedom to choose it or look elsewhere. For instance if you are church going, then you could bring them to church and explain that is what YOU beleive to be true. And, if they show interest, ask if they would like to learn about other religeons. That can be fun, and enlightening too!

I think its okay to talk about a past loved one. Second question- My father put us all through catacism (dunno how to spell it) and raised us as catholics. I always hated church school, but in my opinion when i have children i think i would teach them about all the different religions out there.