Disciplining, out of control 4 yr old.

Ya, the problem with hubby is, he has major problems. I have some other posts out there about the problems I have with him. To make a long story short he is disabled (mentally and physically). I feel like I am a mother of four. He is not around a whole lot (he is usually passed out in the basement or at his friends). When he is around he complicates things and I have a much harder time with the kids. So getting hubby on the same page isn't going to happen, I've talked to him about his terrible parenting skills till I was blue in the face. It's pointless to talk to someone who wont' remember what you say within a hour of saying it not to mention he doesn't see it (his favoritism, ect.). Thanks for the idea though, I'd love for that to happen but I'm on my own on this one.

you can do it on your own. the extra love and hugs will do the trick nicely. and the fact they want to please you is good, just make sure they know when you are pleased and when you are not. that is the best way. as with all the stages our kids go through, this too shall pass. you will blink your eyes and have a house full of teenagers and you will wonder where all your babies went.

lost

I think about that all the time and it makes me sad. I think that's why I am so patient with them. I turned around and my first baby is 11. I am crying just thinking about it (I'm such a sap).

((((((((((vetswife))))))))))

you are not a sap. and if you let it the teen years are a whole lot of fun in different ways. then you get grandkids a few years later and they are even more fun than your own babies were. motherhood is absolute best thing i have ever done for myself. it gets me over the rough spots when i am ready to just give up.

lost

well if he is not around alot then you can use that to your advantage, as I said pick on one thing anything at all and say no and use the chair, you will be fine.

Thank you everyone for your great suggestions. I'm using time outs and positive re-enforcement (extra hugs, kisses and accommodations). I'm also using the guilt trip since he is worried if I'm mad at him or not. I'm sure it's going to take some time to see some results.

(thelostone), I hope you are right, I don't want this to phase in my life to end. When I was little I used to cry to my Mom that I didn't want to grow up (she said I was the strangest child) and now I don't want my children to grow up. I dread an empty nest (I know it's a long way off but I think about it). I think maybe I just don't like change. Plus the whole circle of life makes me sad too watching my Grandparent and also my Mom get older it just makes me sad and if I think about too much I'll start crying.

I love being a mother, it's my greatest accomplishment.

Thanks again.

i have a son that is turning 4 in a few days and he has actualy became a total different kid since sep of 2012 him and his brother has been in dcfs care (fyi they were not taken i put them there cus i was homeless and didnt want them bouncing around from shelter to shelter and place to place till i could get everything set up it was the hardest decision i made in my whole life but atleast i know they had stability and didnt have to worry about where we were sleeping for the night they were safe not on the streets. joudge if u must on that but also ask ur self if u would do the same to make sure ur kids are safe i would rather hurt then let my kids suffer) the issue is befor september he was a vary bull headed kid time out took hrs not min cuz we could never start mind u he was only 3 and at that age he actualy was a vary good minipulater and reader of people i never realy had any major issues keeping him under control for the most part he still had melt downs and i would help him work threw it he does have emotional issues that still hasnt been diegnosed but he was never that over emotional little baby or kid but he talks better and clearer then his older brothere thats 6 and can tell u the meaning of what he said he knows how to get to people and there were days i had to just walk away so he wouldnt see my reaction to it since he has been in dcfs care they did split my kids up agenst everything that i baiged and pleated not to my 3 yr old got moved my 6 yr old got to stay then he only lasted 3 weeks in that placement no one can handle him he is enrolled in the childrens center in salt lake and they have been working with him for 2 full months i have yet to see any improvement and plz dont get me wrong i know they are trying to help him and me and the new foster family but it just seem like we are sliding down a steep muddy hill back words they have added staff to make sure he is safe and is still trying to find triggers that cause the anger out burts but a lot of the time there is no worning and what sets him off one day dont phayse him the next and what works for diciplin and rewords one day is nothing to him the next. he turns for this month and he has vary bad language and any other school or day care would not accept him at this point so this is something dcfs is fighting me on getting both my kids back they see that if i had them back at this time i would end up in the same situation cuz i have no child care for him and no provider or preschool is going to put up with his distructive and disruptive attitude and he does get physical with people as well my familys health is not in the best of condition to take care of him while i am at work ether. he is getting ready to also head to his 4th foster home cus this family just cant handle it any more. i do blame myself for putting my kids in the situation but it was for all of our safety to leave our home out of state and just get away i was just hoping for more help from family here they were great support but not much on housing money or anything else i am glad my kids didnt have to see the relationship between my ex and me and am glad i am here to fight for my kids. if u have any segestions on disaplin and rewords or have delt with a child like this befor plz send me an email i am looking for any help i can get. its offal that my oldest has to wait to come home till his brother can come home too and i am realy worried what its doing to him and there relationship as brothers for them only being 3 and 6 they have a lot of resentment for each other my 3 year old is getting bounced around and his brother is not and the 6 year old wants to come home and knows he is waiting on his brother to start behaving to be able to do so we are doing family therapy and individual therapy and again i want to give major props and thanks to the childrens center cus they are trying there hardest and are not giving up on him it is a wonderful program and everyone there is great and it is realy hard feeling like were going back words and exhosting and even though we seem to be going back words we are slowly weeding things out that dont work with him and sooner or later we will find something that will thats why im here hoping some of u can give me some ideas to try i was raised in the generation that no child was ever raised by a single parent they were raised by the whole community and i know thing have changed alot from that not a lot of people know there nahbores any more but here on the net we are and even bigger and tighter community and makes it a lot easier to ask for input on stuff like thanks to every one in this community

I would like some help too. I have a four year old brother who I swear up and down has ADHD. I want to be a child psychologist when I'm done with school, so this sort of stuff really interests me. He is far beyond out of control. He is also a middle child, so maybe that's part of it. He just doesn't seem to think. He never listens to a thing anyone tells him too. He over reacts to little things. ie; he can't watch a movie, he will flip out and scream and throw a conniption fit like I killed his mom or something. He is rude and talks back and something isn't right. Another thing that scares me is how he responds to certain situations. This morning he dumped the entire can of fish food into the tank and killed all of the fish. He doesn't care. He's in trouble, and dad was trying to get it through to his head that he killed the fish, but he just shrugs. I also think he purposely hurts the animals and his two year old brother. He acts like it's on accident, but we tell him over and over that if the dog doesn't like it, he'll yelp. Or when he pushes his little brother, he'll cry. He is spastic and impulsive. I don't know if it's because he is a middle child, 4 year old boy or if there is something seriously wrong with him. I'm from a different family and I've dealt with lots of 4 year olds and none of them have acted like this. Can anyone help me?