Guilt over uprooting my kids

We got a lead on a rental house two days ago that is about a mile from where we are building a house. The owners don’t mind that we will only be there for less than a year and we have 4 cats so we couldn’t pass the opportunity up. We went and saw it last night and put down a deposit. We will be moving at the end of the month. Later that night I started to feel so horrible that I was uprooting my family again that I was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably.

You see, we sold our home last year and moved into a rental about 5 miles away so my son had to say goodbye to his friends. Since we have moved here he has made lots of friends here and started school and made friends there. Now I’m moving him away again from his friends again and his school. It is made worse by the fact that we are moving to a place where there are really no kids for him to play with so the opportunity to make some new friends is nil until school starts. I also feel bad that my 6 year old and my 9 month old will have to share a room and some of their toys will have to be boxed up until the new house is finished in February.

Realistically I know that this is the right thing to do. It will save us money in gas and utilities, it will get him into the school district he will be in until he graduates, he won’t have to transfer to the new school in the middle of the year, the kids have more than enough toys, it isn’t for very long, and there really is no big deal about the kids sharing a room because kids do it all the time. I hate it where I live, I don’t care for the landlord, some of the neighbors are kind of questionable, it is 20 miles to get to town, and just under 20 miles to get to where we are building our house, but I hate that I have to do this to the kids.

How do I deal with this guilt?

Are your kids too young for you to discuss some of your concerns with them? Maybe they would appreciate it, though it would still be hard for them.

That's a tuff one. My mom did that to me I went to six different schools, by the time I got to my second highschool, I didn't bother making friends. I was still into sports I wasn't depressed or anything just didn't bother with friends everyone had their own click. From my own experience, I would say that if your child is fourth grade or younger he should adjust fine. I had a hard time adjusting after changing schools between 7th and 8th grade. Sports helped cope with the constant changing in schools.

If your kids are outgoing they should not have any trouble making new friends. I know my oldest son would do fine, he's such a social bug.

I wouldn't worry about the room thing, I shared a room with my sister and it was great. She was my best friend growing up, if either of us were scared at night, we had each other, we didn't run to Mom and Dad.

Good luck and try not to worry so much, kids will adjust.

My kids are 9 months and 6 years. My reactions to this are exacerbated due to my anxiety and bipolar. I actually posted this in the bipolar forum because I thought it would be easier for those who have the same difficulties to understand, but the moderator moved it here.

I'm fully aware that kids that are 6 years old and only going into first grade are extremely adaptive and he will easily make new friends. I know that I don't need to feel so guilty, because even my son isn't that concerned about it. In fact he thinks it will be an adventure of sorts, but will miss his friends here. I don't know what will happen when we actually move, but that is what he is saying now. The problem is that I am feeling extreme guilt and emotional distress over a situation that doesn't require or warrant it.

I don't suffer from bipolar, I don't know much about it. I do know axiety though. I moved my son to a new school when he was going into second (we found he wasn't ready for second and put him back into first). He is now going into 5th grade. I think it's good that you are moving to the area where your house is being built. That way you won't have to move him in 2nd or 3rd grade. The earlier the better, your going to have to move him eventually right? We have an opertunity to move to a great area in a year or two, my son will be in middle school by then. I told my husband that I didn't want to go, I would do to my kids what my parents did to me. Your son is young, he'll be fine, by son has so many friends, he fit right in, I'm sure your son will too.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Schatje}}}}}}}}}}}}}} big hugs to you!!

We just went through the same thing last year. We had moved from Hawaii to live in England for 5 yrs and then moved to Wyoming where we are now. Big changes for all our kids(our second son, 17 and our daughter 14, and our youngest boy who's 6).

Our two older ones finally forgave us for making them leave their friends. Our 6 yr old who has the anxiety issues, ADHD, Tourettes, mood disorder, has been the most flexible which was surprising to me.

Don't blame yourself for the changes. You already listed all the perfectly normal reasons why a parent would move. Now with the economy the way it is, we all have to consider finances/living arrangements over our kids or our own desires.

Maybe you could take drives up to your house being built and mark days left til it's done and take pictures so your boy can make his own scrapbook on your new house. Use the time to make a new hobby for your boy to occupy his time(and take his mind off the changes). Good luck and please don't be too hard on yourself, there's alot for you to get used to also. Take care!

<font color="purple">Gee, I don't know how to make you feel less guilty, but I remember when I was 5-6, I was "uprooted" so to speak about 4 times in the span of 2 years. From my expirience it was actualy...pretty easy. Maybe i was just the kind of child who bounced back from theese things easily...or maybe most kids are like that anyways? In those days I always shared a room with an older sibling, and didn't mind that much either...in once case, I just basicly lived in the living room because it was a 1-bedroom apartment, WITH a roomate on top of my brother and mother, and a few cats. Once again...I never really minded it ...maybe becuse our family ties were just really strong that the feelings of love that I have had between my mother and I had over-riden that?

The only problem with sharing a room i think will come a little later in life. That's what happened to my older brother and I...we shared a room until highschool! This is because as kids grow up and try to figure out who they are, they need their own "space". When the time comes that they are growing up and are too close to eachother (which with my brother and I was pretty much non-stop fighting) you could always improvise when possible and turn one room into another bedroom. </font>

Hey if it means putting yourself in financial stability, or helping out with your future finances, That is a gain. As far as him leaving his friends, it will be difficult. Nothing will change that.