Unsure if I am overreacting - Issue about daughter who is not yet born

Thank you so much! I know I couldn't of done this without posting here. I really needed this support which is very nice.

Is there a place I can alert to tell them there is signs that he is abusive and why it is not really healthy for him to see the child?

I should of always seen the warning signs from the beginning. There has always been issues. Mainly with him trusting me. When I found out I was pregnant he told me I had to get 3 DNA tests done since lots of hospitals claim the father is whomever the woman says it is whether he is or not.

I just hoped through time he would see I've stood by him through most things and he would see things... But I guess not. I put in so much effort into making this work. I know I finally have to step back and look out for the child and myself now.

If you have any emails from him about this topic I'd definately keep them.

There is nothing shameful about the naked human body. It amazes me the people that are offended about women breast feeding (even discreetly) in public places.

Having said that, I have never ever seen my father nude. Nor have my children ever come across their father or myself nude. I think if my parents would have used their own bodies for my sex education it would have made me sick. Literally ill.

It doesn't sound like he's planning on being very hands on with the child, and from what you've said, that is a very good thing. I am so glad that you found out about this now rather than when the poor kid was 6.

Most of these topics were talked on the phone or MSN. I do not think you can really keep MSN conversations logged as evidence. But I am keeping them just in case. I just started today.

On the topic of breastfeeding I think it is fine for a woman to breastfeed in public.

I compared the situation to me. I thought of if my father had done what he was wanting to do and it made me feel uncomfortable even thinking of that. I have a feeling that if he did this it would stand out in the child's mind even into adulthood...

It's just really worrying me how fixated he is on this one topic. :/

I guess the best I can do is try to make myself as healthy as possible and making a happy environment for the kid. I am living back at home with my parents at the moment. They are very loving and supportive so I am thankful I have that.

you can copy paste msn msgs to a word pad and print them to keep them, refuse to discuss said conversation by phone as you can save it

good luck with the path you choose

you can call an attorney that deals in family law and find out what to do. I think most attorney's would give you the info over the phone. hon I wish you all the best in the world. please stay away from this man. he sounds dangerous.

Fraction – that’s how I looked at the situation, and something like that would definitely mess with your mental health. Sex is such a tricky issue anyway.

It sounds like you’re in a healthy environment now. Good luck with the baby!

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fraction said:
He said we should teach our daughter about genitalia and probably sex at age 8.
He said he would do this by showing the daughter his genitals to show what "boys" have.

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While all parents have to face the task of teaching their children about sex / reproduction.... I am appalled that a father (even a father to be) would think that showing his daughter his genitals to teach her that girls and boys are different would be appropriate parent to child relationship.

Now far as when to have the sex talk - that is up to each parent and should be based on the individual child, as to when the child starts becoming curious and asking questions... but defiantly before puberty sets in.

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Rhapsody said:
Now far as when to have the sex talk... defiantly before puberty sets in.

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Freudian slip, anyone?

I would definately talk to a lawyer about using this info to ensure you have sole custody of your daughter. He should not be allowed unsupervised access to her. He clearly has some serious problems.

Actually, knowing all this about him....if you do allow him to have access you might be changed with child endangerment! So, keep everything documented carefully with dates and times, see a lawyer, and stay clear of that controlling sick man.

You are doing a really good thing getting help with this issue early on! You are going to be a strong mom for your little girl. Good luck!

Slippers

Update:

My now-ex and I are not on really good terms.

I think he now has a new girlfriend because she would have a 3-some with him... I just hope he doesn't want to go for full custody with this new girl who is *better* then me only because she wanted to make him happy and gave him a threesome. (That's what he said to me.)

He did tell me he wouldn't have anything to do with the child anymore though... He said this when I asked him what was the most important thing to him and he said sex. I will say I was not too impressed. I asked him where the child fit in and I can tell you she wasn't at the top of the list... He said he was sick of me trying to pressure him with the child.

He says he wants to avoid court which I find good. Though he says if he sends me money he has made clear DNA testing must be done. I just don't even care about money. I'd rather the child have a stable and happy life.

*sigh* I really question what I saw in him right now.

At this point I really do want him not to be in the child's life at all. It would just be way too chaotic with how he lives life.

I just have worries of what I will tell my daughter when she grows up about her father if he isn't around and what I saw in him. I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes as me.

I also worry he'll try to be in her life making things very stressful.

You are not overacting at all! I agree with the replies that you have recieved.... RED FLAG and RUN!

I know how much you must be worrying right now. It's the same worry of divorced parents and it is unsettling. If he doesn't want anything to do with the kid. I would move away, if possible and hope he forgets completely. I know that sound wrong but he would have to really prove his stability to you before you let him in the childs life.

Keep everything he has given you for proof, put it in a box or file where it won't get lost. You've got over 18 years to go! Keep a file on him, you may need it, I think you will need it. I know this could be over the top, but you could have a legal transcript drawn up of any disturbing messages he might have left. Something about this guy makes me worry. Not to get you paranoid, but I think you should CYA (cover your *****) keep all evidence.

As for this little girl. I really don't know the right answer on what you should tell her about her daddy. Hopefully you will meat someone who will fill in her role as father figure and you won't have to worry about it right away. I don't want to give you the wrong advice, maybe once she is born you can ask her pediatrician what you should tell her. They will at least point you in the right direction if they think you should talk to someone else.

Good luck! Let us know all about the baby! I love, love, loooooove babies! I have four, 1 step-son, 2 sons and my daughter is the baby I love dressing her up! Have fun with her. I love my boys but girls are so much fun to do all the frilly, girly stuff with.

Take care.

Well things just keep getting more stressful. I don't think he will be at all in the kid's life now. His mother hates me too. I just met her and we got along...

He had ignored me for 4-5 days not replying to messages or phone calls. He is still doing it now.

He just sent me an e-mail at 3:30 saying he knows the kid isn't his and his mother knows it too. He said lots of things in the e-mail which were hurtful. But he was basically he wouldn't do a DNA test unless it was court ordered. I'm not going to go to court... I didn't want to. I wanted to deal with this as adults...

He doesn't believe it's his kid. He thinks I am selfish and only cared for myself. I honestly showed him everything about me and he seems to not have seen it.

Right now I'm trying to focus on the not breaking down but it's hard. I keep trying to call him to try to have him atleast in the kid's life as a loving father. I don't want his money. But no reply. I don't think I'm going to hear from him ever again except suddenly in the future when he tries to search out the kid.

I just feel like a terrible person right now. I feel like I'm bringing a kid into negativity. Why can't he see I actually do care about the kid?

Don't tress yourself out, just let him go. All the messages and phone calls are pushing him further away. You are better off without him. Try to move on. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, and get ready for that little baby. Forget about him, he doesn't deserve that loving baby in his life.

I have a feeling once you do leave him alone, he'll start calling you.

I can't say it enough save your messages and e-mail. You will need them in the futur.

The man is obviously a pervert wanting to show his genitals to a young girl so why would you want him in her life ? Why would you want to put your daughter in danger ? I am at a loss ........