step-son

A quick history; I have three of my own kids (11 yr old son, 4 yr old son, my daughter will be 3 next month). The two younger ones are mine and my husbands; my 11 year old is from a previous marriage.

My husband also has an 11 year old from a previous marriage. We didn’t see him from the time he was 5 to 9 (complications from ex-wife looooong story). He has been coming to our house pretty regularly lately (this summer) and he’s really bad. He gets into my husbands knives and matches. He doesn’t listen to us at all. He doesn’t have any manors. I caught him telling my 4 year old to say “stick” and he was pronouncing it wrong (d in place of st) so my step-son thought it was funny and kept trying to get him to say over and over again.

I talked to my husband about this (who has a lot of issues of his own (mental and physical handicaps)). He doesn’t see it. My step-son is very sly. My son winds up getting yelled at which is ridiculous. I caught my husband yelling at my son in front of my step-son about not ratting on his brother. Now I know that my-stepson got into my husbands knives and if I say anything to my husband he’s not going to believe me and my son will wind up getting in trouble. I don’t want this kid around any of my children. He’s a very bad example and I’m afraid he’s going to hurt one of them.

I just don’t know what to do. I am starting to hate the kid, what kind of person am I to hate a child.

Any advice will be well appreciated!

I know I am gonna get shot down in flames by lots of people for this but this is how I see it.

If your husband wont sort his son out then he would not be allowed in my house under any circumstances as I have enough on my plate to deal with and anything else is too much.

On another thread you said he somtimes plays you .... that he can talk drive and walk etc. That he shouts as well, well you dont have to put up with it I certainly wouldnt, in my books he helps all he can or I would take my kids and leave him to it.

There, my shoulders are broad tonight so I can take what is thrown at me, throw away.

I told my husband this morning that I don't want him around my kids. I spent half of the week-end at my Moms to avoid them both. I'm going to be dealing with a teenager very soon and I don't need any bad influences. If my step-son were a friend of my sons, I would never let him hang out with him, nor would my son want to be his friend. My step-son is verbaly abusive to my 11 year old, (says he's gay and sucks d%#@ because he likes to do stuff like ride bikes and jump ramps, play baseball and football all the stuff normal boys are supposed to do). My step-son is very old for his age and my son still likes to play with match box cars and I want to keep it that way. My husband will also say stuff like he's my son what do you expect. Like he doesn't expect good behavior from him because he was bad and that it's cool that he's such a bad *****. But God forbid my son does something wrong, he jumps down his throat. I hate this situation and I wish it was to to where he wasn't coming over. I'm too much of a sissy to leave.

It seems to me that in your case, this child is distraught over the divorce of his parents ande totaly jelous in you and your kids. Some times children feel that when thier parents split up and one maries another person, that hte prarnt who got remarries loves his "new" family now and not them. Sorry to confuse you. To make it sort of easier: This child might be showing hatred because he is jelous of you and your children because he feels that his dad left him and his mom for you and your children.
The best thing to do is see if he wants to talk to your or your husband. He might feel uncomfortable which is totaly normal. However there are other forms of talking like aprogram at school for children going through divorce and ther oare formes of therapy and counseling (one on one, Group, and family).
It is hard being in your position because I am sure you and your kids mean no harm to him or his family. Things like this happen alot in familys. If he does not want to cooperate with you and your husband at all, The best thing to do is just keep your kids out of his influence and just let your husband do things with him. He just wants to get the attention from his dad to show him he cares.

I hope everything works out for you. I am sure it will.
Good Luck.

Roman James