Dating a guy with kids!!!!!

OK, I knew he had kids. I know he has them just about every weekend. I've met them, they're pretty cool little guys.

But I don't know what the f&#% I'm doing!!!!

This man is everything I ever wanted in a partner, everything I didn't even know i wanted. Wonderful man. Kind, thoughtful, intelligent, smart, funny, strong, brave, sexy, considerate, respectful...and he's real. He really exists and he loves me, too.

But I'm really freaking about the kids. Absolutely freaking out. In case anyone's followed my isses with reproduction in other threads...let's just say I'm not particularly keen on the results of reproduction. We've talked about it a lot...He says he understands how I feel, but he HAS kids, so he CAN'T understand how I feel. But they are part of his life, and if I want to be with him, then I have to learn how to cope.

I know you guys are all here 'cause you actually wanted to have some, and you did. So how did you learn what to do? How do you manage them? Books, classes?

At least I'm lucky - they're eight and five, so they can use the bathroom, feed themselves and speak coherently. The oldest one might be pretty cool in a few more years - he's really into math and science like his dad and I can really get into that. The five year old like to flash me in his underwear (Jon, where did he learn that?).

I'm so scared. I don't want to lose him, but I want to run away right now. run very far away. Run away and never come back. Leave now before i can break his heart any more.

Phobia? Psychotic break? I don't know. I don't know why it's SO BAD tonight. I just want to die because I know I'm not going to be any good with this and I'm going to screw up and I'm going to be that awful evil step-monster and I'm a rotten human being.

I don't know what to DO.

My hubby has two kids. And sometimes I just want to run away. They are 4 and 6. I can't wait till they are older, like 5th gradish I guess, for some reason I think they would have bigger bladders by then and not have to pee every 5 minuts, and not have to eat every half hour, and not say daddy-daddy-daddy-daddy 24 hours a day... Kids can be a task to learn to cope with.

So where do I go to learn this stuff?
What resources?
How do you guys learn what to do about kids? I mean, they don't come with an owner's manual, so everybody had to learn SOMEHOW.
(and PLEASE don't tell me "it just comes naturally" because it DOESN'T for some of us)
I need to read up and study. Study what?

it would be nice if they came with owners manuals. unless they are on restricted diets or have other health problems they eat just like other people, just not as much usually. talk to them, find out what they like, what are they interested in. it is amazing when you come to the realization that kids are pretty much just small people. they have things they like to do, and places they like to go. things they like to play with. talk to them and learn who they are, and then go from there.

lost

i forgot to add, children are usually brutally honest and lacking tact. if a child says something like you are fat or something they are not (usually) trying to be mean. that comes later, with tweens and teens. most younger children are either a. repeating something thay have heard, or b. making an observation. they are usually far less judgemental than adults are. but be careful, they DO repeat things.

lost

No, it dont happen naturally, sometimes you just gotta go through it slooowly, it is not like you have to be a master at kids overnight, thats for sure. Im still not used to hubbys kids, and ive been with him for 3 years (but didnt see the kids so often until like 6 months ago).

All I know it to proceed very slowly. My stepkids are in their late 20's now, and I love them to death, but if I knew what I was getting in for (I didn't have any kids of my own at the time) I wouldn't have gone through with all of the %#@&#! that is involved. Ther e isn't just the kids, there is their mom, her relatives, etc.

The best advice I can give you is to treat them as you wish to be treated; with kindness and respect. Understand that you are an adult and you cannot expect a child to act like an adult. Even the best behaved kids act up sometimes. "You can't put an adults head on a child's body" my grandmother used to say.

Hopefully you'll fall in love with them and enjoy your time with them.

It sounds like you're going into the relationship with your eyes wide open, which is good because spouses come and go, but you're kids are yours for life.