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Junior Member
Member Since Dec 2007
Location: VIC, Australia
Posts: 11
16 |
Oct 31, 2008 at 07:08 PM
#1
Hi guys,
I am a single mother of an 8 month old (Michael), whos father is a bit of a flake. He says that he wants to be involved but has only seen him twice in the last 6 months. My brother whom I live with is moving in with his girlfriend at the end of the year and I have been thinking of moving back interstae to be with the rest of my family for some support. It will also be easyer financially as I will be living with my sister. I have explained this to Joel (Michael's father) and he said I will do what I have to, and almost cried  . I feel really bad moving Michael away from him, but I dont have many friends here and am tired of being lonely.Is this selfish or is it the right thing to do, I meen I will be in a better place back home and have more money wich I think will intern make a better situation for my son. Just looking for some advice Thanks in advance. Eleanor. |
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 elle_jane
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2008
Location: SC
Posts: 4,083
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Oct 31, 2008 at 07:30 PM
#2
Quote:
Since the person who offered his genes is not taking the responsibility for his contribution and seems to live up to your description, the future and well being of your son turns to you. Do what you must to give him the best possible chance. Period. Take him to court for support..flake or not,,that orgasm of his has a few strings attached...and one is provding for his son financially at the very least... I am not a big fan of those who look at babys like out of style jewelry. With care, Lenny __________________ I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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elle_jane
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2003
Location: Coram Deo
Posts: 35,474
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Oct 31, 2008 at 08:12 PM
#3
I agree that a move sounds good for you. I also agree that you need to obtain child support from the dad. In the USA, if you don't make the parent pay, then you make all the tax payers pay for the services the child deserves. Don't feel sorry for him, time for him to grow up.
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elle_jane
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
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Oct 31, 2008 at 08:59 PM
#4
I think a move is good for you and the child at this point in time. the baby doesn't know him anyway so no biggie. it seems the man is not interested in the child. do what is best for you and the baby.
btw not all single mom's get state assistance for loser donors. |
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elle_jane
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,946
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Oct 31, 2008 at 11:08 PM
#5
This is defiantly a tough decision to make, and I think you must do what is best for and the baby at the moment... dad can always move to where you are if he really wants to be a part of his babies life.
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elle_jane
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Nov 01, 2008 at 08:18 AM
#6
You have to work out what is best for you and Micheal first and foremost as you are the main person in his little life and if you go down then who will look after him ?
If dad is not doing his job properly (and tears dont wash with me as we can all cry its doing the dirty work every day that counts ) then take your son to where he can be cared and loved in a large family enviorment every day rather than twice every six months. I have been in a simlar situation with five children and moved three years ago ! The children are happy and well adjusted which is the most important thing in the world. If dad cant see that this is the most important role for him to play in his entire life then thats his loss (twice every six months is a disgrace) it does not have to be yours and yours sons also, you can make a life for you both with family else where. |
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elle_jane
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: cornwall/united kingdom
Posts: 11,157
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Nov 01, 2008 at 11:17 AM
#7
you have had some good advice on this subject , yes move if you are going to get some support from family as you need to be healthy to provide for your son, i only see good reasons to move from your post dont let him emotionaly tell you its not fare as its his fault he isnt giving 100% to your son
do what you need to be healthy and get him to pay up his share __________________  No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
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elle_jane
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2008
Location: Indiana
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Nov 02, 2008 at 03:24 PM
#8
Eleanor,
This is one of those questions that only you can answer, I advise some soul searching on the matter, this is a big decision. Some things you should ask yourself are has Joel had open access to Michael? What does he say are his reasons for not being involved? Is he more willing to become involved now that you have mentioned moving? In the end only you can decide the right answer, I agree with the other posters that there is no excuse not to be involved with your childs life but sometimes there are is a rare case where there are circumstances that must be taken into consideration when making such a big decision. If he is not going to be supportive and involved in his childs life then I agree that a move may be in order. 
__________________  Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
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elle_jane
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 418
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Nov 04, 2008 at 01:26 PM
#9
Quote:
Best Wishes!  TJ 
__________________  Smooches! Hope you have a Beautiful, Blessed Day!Thyroid disorders can cause depression and can mimic bipolar disorder... Please read below regarding one form, hypothyroidism, and have your numbers checked...TSH, T3, T4, Free T3, Free T4, and Thyroid Antibodies (for Graves Disease and Hashimotos Disease (which mimics BP)
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elle_jane
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Junior Member
Member Since Dec 2007
Location: VIC, Australia
Posts: 11
16 |
Jun 18, 2012 at 10:49 AM
#10
Thanks everyone, sorry for not responding sooner (like years ago lol). I did move and it was the right thing to do. Joel had every chance to see Mikey and still does I have told him several times my door is always open for him.
Wish I had of seen these reply's then but am still happy to see them now. More affirmations that I made the right choice
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Feb 2006
Location: South Africa
Posts: 67,808
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Jun 25, 2012 at 07:33 AM
#11
Fantastic that you came back to let us know. I am glad you did the right thing for you and your son.
__________________  Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long. |
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New Member
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: usa
Posts: 1
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Aug 11, 2012 at 05:08 AM
#12
Your decision is totally right and in Your son's favor. While living in a huge Family, children grow in a better and safe environment and get to learn more values all-together.
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