18 yr old / College / Employment

I have a little situation going on and would really appreciate some input from both males & females.

My 18 year old son started college two months ago and he has been working at Winn-Dixie for the past year while he was a senior in high school.... now the problem.

My son is thinking about quitting his job due to his five day a week college schedule that leaves him with no life out side of school when he is off, as he works on his only two days off from school.... and he drives a hour to school and a hour home every day which leaves him with little to no time for any social activity with his girlfriend / friends on school days.

My husband is very upset (showing great disapproval) at the thought of my son quitting his job... as he feels that a job helps build character in a young man and he thinks my son is trying to take the easy way out (lazy way out in my husbands words) and this is creating strife in the household.

I personally feel that my son was going to keep his job until he started college and then would quit when the work load at school became heavy.... which is about to happen - so I am ok with him giving his two week notice when he is ready... where as my husband is about to blow his top.

How do I help my husband to see that what my son is doing is alright and that his college education should be our sons main concern and that he will get a job after school is over in two years.

BTW- we took out enough money via a personal loan for our son to be financially set during school, so the job is not needed for income... our son could live on campus if he desired to, but he wants to stay at home right now so he is close to his friends / girlfriend / family.

Rhap I agree with you completely. Could you explain to your husband maybe what the negative effects of keeping the job could or would be? Like how it would affect the time he has for schoolwork and could possibly be detrimental to his grades?

I can't say that his work is or will effect his school / grades... its more that his work is cutting into a social life outside of school since he only gets two days a way from school - like that of an adult working a five day work week then enjoying the weekend off for rest and play.

This is where my husband is having a problem with our son quitting work, because it more for him to have a social life right now and then more time for school work & projects later on.

My husband's 3 sons when they were in college were supposed to make the most money they could toward their schooling and then he would pay the rest? Can you three maybe make some sort of payback to the loan thing where your son works summers and maybe holidays (at Winn Dixie; maybe they have a program where he won't have to quit entirely? Much better having an "on call" worker who's trained than having to train a new employee?) so your husband doesn't feel like he's not doing much.

Another thing; my husband worked 2-3 fulltime jobs when he was going to school and he was 100% on scholarship so was able to pay for his lifestyle completely and live off-campus with friends and his father gave him something like $75 a month to pay the shortfall. Maybe your husband's experience is such that he's getting too swayed by his own life/what his father wanted for him? Maybe you can discuss that, where his ideas are coming from in an "interested"/exploratory fashion and get him to have a clue that way.

I can sort of see your husband's point, "work" including school is just that. Where is your son going to get the money to socialize if he doesn't work? I don't think he should be allowed to use the loan money? He is already getting a good deal living at home. It's great he's going/doing well in school but if you can't pay your rent, you have to get another job as an adult, on weekends :-) to pay rather than play/relax then. Right now your son is learning about the "real" world too and because Mom and Dad have provided a nice net doesn't mean you can let go the tapeze bar and use it like a trampoline?

My husband's middle son kept using the money his parents gave him and lying about registering or would flunk out, etc. but I was able to help that situation because his son was in engineering, like his father, and didn't "belong" there. My husband couldn't see that his son was just trying to be like his father whom he held up to emulate but who was different and unusual in his abilities in that area so there was no way son could "be like dad". Because my husband trusted my opinion/point of view (the son could have been mine he was so "like" me when I was in college :-) he was able to be gentler and try to look at things differently and come up with a different tack to take.

Thank you for your input Perna... I am giving all that you said some serious thought before I bring the matter back up with my husband.

(a little extra info on the subject)

We have secured a private loan (in my son's name with co-signer) to cover all college tuition and for our son to live on campus with food, gas, living expenses and basic household bills covered... our son will be paying half of the loan back and we will be paying the other half back.

BUT now I am wondering if we should still allow our son the same benefits the loan was originally gotten for since he is no longer interested in living on campus... verses him keeping his job to cover his personally spending, or should the fact that our son is partially responsible for half the loan hold more clout when deciding what is done with some of the money?

With that info added... do you think he should still be asked to keep him job?

Rhapsody my daughter started working at McDonalds when she was 14. It was something that she wanted to do. I told her she was going to work the rest of her life and that she should enjoy her teen years. The summer after she graduated, she worked at hubby’s place of employment and McDonalds.

When she started college, it was my belief that she should dedicate her time to studying and volunteering with the experiments in her desired field. We’re paying a lot for her tuition and I’m sure her grades would have been fine if she’d decided to work, but she’s been on the Dean’s list and that translated into more scholarships the next year. It actually cut her tuition in half this year. And she’s TAing for one of her professors which will translate into an excellent graduate school with scholarships. I don’t believe any of this would have happened had she decided to work her first year of college. They recommend that students only work 16-20 hours a week, with her work ethic, she definitely would have worked more and I believe her grades would have suffered.

She works like a dog all summer saving her money so she has cash to spend during the school year.

If the money isn’t needed, cut him some slack. This is the last “carefree” period of his life. He’s already shown that he’s not afraid to work.