Teenagers & Sex

Thank you for sharing this Saluki girl. You gave me a window, a good perspective to consider when my turn comes to handle my kids on this subject. I admire your courage and honestly with our parents. And your quest for a better way out.

I agree completely with Saluki Girl..
My parents never talked to me about sex either.
Anyway, I don't necessarily think that someone should call the other teenager's parents unless they think any of the teens involved are in danger, ie. rape or peer pressure..
Even though some start having sex way too young, its likely that they're not gonna stop if you call their parents.. and just like Saluki girl said, just because parents avoid it or pretend sex doesn't exist or is bad doesn't mean that teens aren't gonna have sex. It's just going to make their child feel like sex is wrong. I have problems with sex because it feels wrong and even though I'm not completely gross looking, I am very self concious. My mom recently made a comment saying that "sex is a good sin, but a sin." I don't believe this but it's hard to get it out of my head..
Some states want to make it harder for teens to get birth control or have abortions without parental consent.. I honestly think that doing that is only going to make thinggs worse. They are still going to have sex, no matter what the laws are. And if it's harder to be safe, then there are going to be more teen pregnancies and what not.
Thank God for Planned Parenthood. It helps teens be safer.. there's always protestors outside their building, but they don't understand that they're not telling teens to have sex.. just to be safe, since they're doing it anyway.

You can't always get what you want

But if you try sometimes
Well you just might find
You get what you need

By the same token, I don't think it should be ignored just because "they're not going to stop doing it" or "everyone's doing it".

I've educated my kids on safer sex practices, and if I discovered that one of them was having sex I would definately have a conversation with the person they're having sex with. Are they practicing safe sex? What should happen if she should get pregnant? My conversation with my child would be much more in depth.

I don't think it's such a good idea telling the other parent.. i remember when my Adoptive Mother found out that I was having sex, she went absolutely crazy on me.. I got beatings for it and eventually, got kicked out, for loving my boyfriend as much as I did and for finding them stealing stuff from my room, like my journal and money etc. Even stuff that wasn't even mine..

My boyfriend's parents weren't fazed by it at all. They were perfectly happy with it as long as we used a condom, even if I was on the pill. Funnily enough, my Adoptive Mother had had this conversation with us about safe sex, because we'd been adult, sensible about it and gone to her, both of us, letting her know how we felt about each other and that it felt right to have sex.. We'd been together between 3-6 months and we're still together now. 3 years on 4th May.

I had been brought up to "know" that it was bad to have sex before marriage and that I wasn't allowed to do it, but I felt that by talking to my Adoptive Mother and her saying to use protection, we'd got the acceptance we felt we needed to be able to go ahead with it. But no, she flipped out completely and, as I said, I got many bruises and scars for it. It still didn't stop me, though, because I KNEW that it was right for me and here in the UK, it's the age of 16 that it's legal. I was only just 15 I believe, so it's fair enough that they went crazy, but we were safe about it and at least we spoke to them before hand..

I think just talking to both teens about it is the best idea, I know this is coming from a 17 year olod, but if you talk to the teens about it, they'll feel they can trust you and you can reassure them that it's ok with you (if it is) but to talk to the other parents, too. Just to make sure that it's ok with them, too. Then taht way everyone wins. Do you think that could be a possibility?

I know that there is a bit of a cultural difference here, that there you can be finished with school at 16 and begin your adult life. I can accept that there are some 16 year olds out there that are mature enough to make these adult decisions. Talking to the kids would definately be the first step. Beating them certainly wouldn't change things.

Update:

From what I have found out the parents of the girl are now aware that the two teens are having sex, which they are against, and while the parents have decided to allow the teens to continue to see each other - the dating rules and guidelines have greatly been changed.

BUT - what I do not understand is WHY parents get so angry at the thought of their teens having sex when they their self did the exact same thing in their teen years.... now don't get me wrong - I too do not feel that teens should be having sex just because and yet we know this is going to happen so to me the best way to deal with the matter is to educate your teens about safe sex & pregnancy... not to mention to greatly cut down on the alone time the teens may have together.

But thats me....... idk.

Simple answer, yes, yes I would. While sex is a natural part of life, the parents of the other teenager need to have the opportunity to talk to their child about this. Sex shouldn't be hidden or just swept under the carpet. It needs to be talked about openly so that these teenagers can make the best life decisions possible (I think the scariest thing for parents about sex is the possibility of pregnancy). BC definitely needs to be an item of discussion.

I would do it in order to prevent something like this from happening:

http://jezebel.com/5153854/alfie-pat...-take-dna-test

Moreover, if the teenagers are educated on sex, I assume they are educated on the laws that go with sex. If they are willing to take the risk and perform what one would technically call "illegal" sexual acts, then that is their decision. I also assume they understand the consequences of that decision. If that is the case, then they knew the risks, weighed them, and did it any way. This possibility is something they may have expected and should not be sheltered from. We always talk in ethics class about how, in choosing an action you also choose the consequence of that action. Also, none of us can predict another person's action or reaction. I will tell you that I thought my dad would flip when I played a practical joke on him on grandparents day (sending him a letter saying "guess what?" with a baby on the front). But he called me and was actually disappointed to find out that I wasn't pregnant (I was 20 at the time). His response was the exact opposite of what I was expecting. I don't think we can deny others the opportunity to rise to the occasion - to prove our expectations wrong. That's just my personal opinion, though. And as others have said, more probably needs to be taken into consideration... like if the other child has extremely abusive parents and would likely get beaten if they found out (again, I don't think you can predict something like that, but I would hate to be the one to spur all that).

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I'm glad you are getting advice though. (((Rhapsody)))

No I don't understand why parents over-react either. I told my own kids that I'm sure that they'll have sex long before I would think they're ready, but I wanted them to have all the information out there. I would also like to know why kids feel the need to make fun of other teens that have choosen to wait. My kids get a lot of grief because they are still virgins... they're 15!!!!

Kids can be really cruel if you don't bend to peer pressure. The most important thing is finding and following your own belief system as you get closer to the end of high school. I personally chose not to have sex until I was with my fiance. He is my one and only - we get married in a month and a half

I am so happy I waited, and I would advocate it to any teen out there. Admittedly, I did not wait until marriage - there were other financial circumstances/college issues that prevented us from getting married, but we were mature enough to know that we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives (paper or no paper) so we protected ourselves and started having safe sex.

There's nothing wrong with waiting. I think kids just want to grow up too fast. They think they are being cool and grown up and that swearing and having sex and drinking alcohol makes them like the big kids/the big dogs. It's all about level of maturity. What they don't know is that the people who know their value system (whatever it may be) and stick to it despite peer pressure - those are the real winners

I hear you.... and while both my sons didn't wait until marriage to have sex they were both over 19 years old when the time arrived for their first sexual encounter (and) that to me as a parents was better than them having sex as a young teen... I am glad that I educated my sons and respected them as a person with their own life.

To be honest, I don't expect my kids to wait until they're married. Marriage is a very important commitment and I want them to be sure before they make those vows. I sincerely hope that they are in a committed relationship before they jump into a sexual relationship. They need to be aware that there are diseases out there and need to be prepared if birth control should fail. I want them to think about who they're having sex with, is this the person I want to be tied to the rest of my life because birth control failed? Would this be someone I would want to be my child's parent?

So many people are frustrated and irritated with ex's that are their child's parent. I really hope that my children can avoid that pitfall by making good choices about who they sleep with. Particularly my boys. Not very PC of me I know, but boys don't really have a say in what would happen in the event of an accidental pregnancy.

So many decisions that are difficult for anyone, let alone a child (ie under 18).

not pc at all ....... lol.

Does PC means psychecentral?

Anyway, it doesn't really matter whether is it PC or SC or whatever Cs..?

Personally, I would embraced whatever that works, whatever that would help develop a total healthy society or close to it - in all aspects like physical, spiritual, mental, emotional and financial. That is all it matters.

Bring too many unwanted kids into this society and being unprepared, unskilled or unwilling parents is certainly NOT healthy way of living and that in turn affect our society as a whole.

Reach i think PC means "politically correct"

Yes, in that statement it means politically correct. It's odd, when I was growing up I had less freedom because I was a girl and could come home pregnant. I don't give my daughter more freedom than my sons, but my worst fear is that one of my sons will have a child with an undesirable female; and have little or no say in the future of this child. While I do not wish my daughter to have a child with an undesirable male either, I know as a family we can pull together and give that child a happy and stable life.