advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 22, 2021 at 01:42 PM
  #1
I am creating this thread to let others know what the process of reading and correcting psychiatric records is like. It is a journey, one with a lot of discovery and emotion.

I have decided to pursue correction of my records to (hopefully) mitigate the harm that was caused to my family, and understand what happened so I can feel okay with that traumatic period of my life.

If you have read your records, please share your experience in this thread or through private message.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 22, 2021 at 02:15 PM
  #2
I’m nitpicking every consultation and discharge summary. I'm looking for errors and recording them in a word document that I will attach to the Request for Correction to Personal Health Record form.

The hospital offered to correct my records twice before, but I did not have the courage to go through with it back then. Now I do and it hasn’t been easy reading through the documents. A lot of memories and feelings are surfacing. At times it’s overwhelming. I am also learning new things about what happened and why I was so poorly treated. I also discovered some disconcerting content, that I always suspected was present in my records. -- Assumptions about me were made based solely on my race.

Here are my first findings of discharge summary #1:

The disturbing content I have found in my records mentions that I grew up in a First Nations community and that my parents, specifically my father, were alcoholics. “The patient’s family history is significant for alcohol abuse in her father.” This is not true at all. The same psych resident wrote: “The patient also has a history of sexual abuse and physical abuse in the past.” She did not add anymore information to support those claims. None of this is true. She wrote in the social history portion, “The patient grew up on a reservation in Quebec and describes feeling “different throughout her life". She left it at that, not even bothering to explore why I felt different.

I felt a multitude of emotions as I read through the document. Anger and disappointment seem to be the strongest ones followed by sadness, disappointment and remorse. It is hard to understand why the staff psychiatrist and the resident were so willing to conclude that I was abused and came from a dysfunctional family. I suspect it is institutional racism, something I always felt even all those years ago. I know it is all due to my Cree heritage and where I grew up. Once they knew that, it made them myopic and it started a cognitive bias chain reaction.

Apparently all Indigenous people are drug addicts, child abusers, alcoholics, lazy unemployed bums who live dysfunctional lives. This is far from the truth.

They were too quick to judge and use assumed facts to diagnose me with a personality disorder (Axis II). I always suspected this was going on or as I prefer to call it - shaping the patient into the diagnosis.

----

I’m in Ontario, Canada where there has been a lot of discussion about Indigenous people and the negative effects of colonization. Last fall there was a shocking incident in Quebec where an Indigenous lady died in hospital. Nursing staff said things to her that were very unprofessional and based on Indigenous stereotypes. Shortly before the lady died she recorded the interaction that was later shown on mainstream media. This incident, the recent discussion on residential schools, and my interactions with psychiatry made me wonder about the content in my records, specifically how much my Cree heritage influenced their assessments of me.

When I was assessed for autism spectrum disorder my mother attended one appointment, where she discussed my developmental history. She brought up my hospitalizations, specifically how bad I was treated along with my family. I remember her stating how she felt harshly judged and felt it was all due solely to race. It turns out she was correct.

There is definitely institutional racism and stereotyping, along with a lot of cognitive bias in psychiatry. My records support these observations.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, HopeForChange
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 22, 2021 at 03:16 PM
  #3
My very last admission was particularly traumatic. The psychiatrist I dealt with was invalidating and abrupt. After that admission I vowed to stay away from psychiatric services. - I later refused 4 hospitalizations, because of this one particular experience.

In his discharge summary there is no mention of my race. However his charting was inconsistent with the brief visit. Apparently he offered to refer me to the Acute Day Hospital which he never discussed and I met with a medical student and resident. Actually I met him and a nurse (who I can name) in the visitor's lounge. All he did was review medication and refer me to a social worker to access community services and discharge me. There was no other discussion.

In this document he mentions another staff psychiatrist and the hospital's patient representative, a service I was unaware of at the time. Apparently I made a complaint to the patient representative, who contacted the department chief psychiatrist who spoke to this doctor. He wrote the following:

"The patient met with the patient representative following discharge with whom I discussed the care offered to her and also with Dr. (unknown). I also had a call from a resident with the patient having threatened suicide over the phone to the patient representative. There has been no follow-up visits through our Emergency Room at the time of this dictation."

The problem with this is major. I'm not the patient he wrote about. He mixed me up with another young lady. I never complained to a patient representative about the care I got, nor did I discuss this admission with any staff member. I certainly never threatened suicide over the phone. - Another example of cognitive bias, specifically related to the BPD label, which he wrote beside Axis II.

Reading this document angered me. It demonstrates how much power these people have and how easily an error can perpetuate discrimination, etc...

This particular doctor tried to blacklist me from the hospital, all because of the BPD diagnosis. He wasn't successful, since the hospital doesn't allow that.

I'm going to ask the hospital to investigate this for the sake of correction. I may contact CPSO.




Always check. Verify. You deserve quality care.





__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder

Last edited by The_little_didgee; Aug 22, 2021 at 03:51 PM..
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, RoxanneToto
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 22, 2021 at 04:21 PM
  #4
In 2016 the hospital acknowledged the harm I went through. This was organized by my psychiatrist who felt it would be reparative. She referred me to another psychiatrist who specializes in ASD for another assessment. It took a lot of convincing to get me to agree, since the appointment was at the outpatient clinic that is directly connected to the inpatient unit, the very one I was in years before.

It turned out to be a very helpful consultation. I went three times and really enjoyed my discussions with the psychiatrist, whom I actually met years previously while she was a resident. This particular doctor asked me to participate in the teaching program.

In her consultation she wrote:

In the 90's diagnoses of AS/ASD were almost never entertained. Generally, women with what we now know to be AS/ASD, who were struggling to fit in and who were difficult to manage, were diagnosed with BPD.

Didgee's reaction to her unfortunate experiences in the hospital system has been one of trauma which has affected her self-image and led to (appropriate) lack of faith in the system, as she was branded with a diagnosis that has a pejorative consequence in the system. Due to cognitive bias this label led to subsequent repetition of the diagnosis and lack of entertainment of other diagnoses. Today, Didgee would likely have been diagnosed with AS/ASD in childhood.

This was validating.



__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, HopeForChange
 
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear, Quietmind 2, RoxanneToto
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 23, 2021 at 05:07 PM
  #5
Thank you for this thread @The_little_didgee There are things in my hospital records that are wrong. Namely that I was suicidal when I wasn't which led to me being 5150'ed (or kept for 72 hours involuntarily and then switched to voluntary which I didn't want to sign but it was better than being involuntary so I signed it). One of my T's said I could go and correct the hospital records but it's at two hospitals and it seems overwhelming. I don't even know where to start. I don't know what else is wrong that is in them but that is what I know for sure is wrong. I did write a letter of compliant to the hospital but I don't think it did any good. I'm scared of going to the hospital to this day though. I'm sorry you went through these experiences. HUGS Kit

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, RoxanneToto
 
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear, Quietmind 2, RoxanneToto, The_little_didgee
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 04, 2021 at 12:10 AM
  #6
I read through 87 pages. It wasn't easy, but I got through it. I couldn't have done this in 2016 when I was given some of the records by my psychiatrist. Those documents stayed in an envelop for 5 years until I finally had the courage.

I'm feeling many different emotions. It's hard to fully understand why I ended up as an inpatient at the house on Smyth Road. There are patterns and themes to what I read and a lot of non-compliance. I can now see why they misdiagnosed me with a stigmatizing illness. Some psychiatrists even acknowledged that in their notes.

The records are filled with "feelings of being unheard". That describes it quite well. I felt minimized and judged. Being heard and validated would have made a huge difference especially with compliance.

Psychiatry was like the bully who tortured me for 5 years in the school yard. No one was there to back me up, just like when I was a child. That is probably why this period of my life hurts so bad.

There are a multitude of diagnoses, but the focus was on the stigmatizing one. The attending I was assigned to was fixated on it. That was all she saw. One of her residents dictated a few of the summaries. In his assessment he noted my autistic traits, thinking they were a part of the schizophrenia spectrum. He also noticed I had an anxiety disorder. No one noticed that back then due to cognitive bias. He actually almost figured it out.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated
 
Thanks for this!
Quietmind 2
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 04, 2021 at 12:41 AM
  #7

"The patient, while in hospital, talked about her diagnosis of borderline personality disorder as being one of her main stresses. She talked about feeling rejected by the medical system. Attempts were made to try to help her look objectively at symptoms and try to find ways of dealing with them."

It was all I talked about and why I wanted to die. That label led me to the breaking point. I lashed out and let my anger seethe. What is so disturbing is I became like this due to psychiatric treatment. I entered sad and exited broken. It felt like I was shaped into this diagnosis, because no one really wanted to understand. It's easier to tell a patient to **** off then to investigate the causes.

This diagnosis was used to deny treatment and impart despair. One psychiatrist even tried to ban me.

I felt judged. I wasn't a"youth in turmoil who has a history of abuse." I was a person who had undiagnosed ASD and endured 5 years of bullying. If I had known why I struggled, I don't think this would have happened or at least not like it did.

Doctors can be wrong. I was told I would never amount to anything. BS. They were very wrong. People change. They really do.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, RoxanneToto, splitimage
 
Thanks for this!
pachyderm, RoxanneToto, splitimage
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 05, 2021 at 02:29 PM
  #8
Go to Emergency. It's the worst advice in some situations. There are other options. Sometimes staying with a good friend or family member is all that is needed to get through a crisis. Even talking to a therapist or the like in the community can be a better and less traumatic option than at a hospital. The hospital should be the last resort.

Is it a genuine suicidal thought with intent or a brief thought, like one of frustration? - Apparently some mental health clinicians cannot tell the difference.

I rarely get suicidal. The last two times I felt that way was at the ages of 34 and 42. When I was 34 I didn't tell anyone until 1 year later. Why? Fear of hospitalization and misdiagnosis. The most recent time was last fall when I had a lot of stress going on. I was nearly broke and unemployed due to the public health response. I felt trapped and overwhelmed with the unknown. That time I told the therapist, only because I trusted her. We discussed the possibility of hospitalization, but I turned it down. I told her it would bring back memories of what happened. So, instead we meet weekly for a bit. It was all I needed to sort through my thoughts and feel better. Anyway it was more of an adjustment reaction than an episode of MDD, like I had when I was 34.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 05, 2021 at 02:49 PM
  #9
I'm so traumatized by my experiences that I cannot even seek medical treatment for medical conditions unless I can see my family doctor. For example, I had a urinary infection that made me quite ill last March. My urine looked and smelled bad. I also had a fever and body aches. It wasn't enough to motivate me to seek help. I treated the infection by drinking a lot of coffee immediately followed by large amounts of water. It worked.

There is always doubt. Am I sick enough? Will the doctor minimize me and accuse me of malingering? Will my symptoms be interpreted as psychosomatic?

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
pachyderm
185329
Member
185329 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2021
Location: North America
Posts: 191
2 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Sep 07, 2021 at 11:03 PM
  #10
I remember when I was in the psychiatric inpatient unit. I remember being quite delusional. I was in a very heightened psychological state of mind, which explains my delusional thinking. However, I wonder how and why it explains my delusional thinking? Just because my consciousness was "heightened" does not necessarily mean I was delusional. I remember telling my social worker about my delusions and he explained to me that I was "very emotional" and in a "heightened" state of mind. But that was all he said. If he had elaborated, maybe I would have agreed with him. But then again, we both did agree that my delusions were because of my "reading into" my experience at the psych ward too much. That's what we both concluded and agreed on.
185329 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous32451
Guest
Anonymous32451 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sep 08, 2021 at 07:09 AM
  #11
my records are basically ****ed

wrong diagnoses, wrong year of birth, and medications I've not even taken

difficult to sort out.. it's been an ongoing battle
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
Anonymous32451
Guest
Anonymous32451 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sep 09, 2021 at 04:31 AM
  #12
what I hate the most is that my records say I was born earlier than I was, so make me seem older.

in the grand skeme of things, it could be worse, I know, but it really ircs me
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 17, 2021 at 01:28 PM
  #13
I have avoided this thread lately, even though I have been thinking about it. Right now I am feeling angry about what happened. I wish the hospital would give me all the paper records (I'd like to burn them.) and delete the electronic files off of the Epic EMR.

What really irritates me is the lack of communication especially the direct kind. I have always suspected people are full of it. They almost always say things they don't mean. It's a part of the NT script and their obsession with conformity. Apparently it is unwise to question and discuss anything. The pandemic is a perfect example. Humanity is so good at dividing and stigmatizing people who challenge the prevailing view which might be wrong.

In the autism community getting diagnosed with a personality disorder is common. Here is what one person wrote on a blog:

“Borderline Personality Disorder” is just NT clinical speak for “I despise this patient & I will screw them over every way I possibly can in hopes of pushing them to suicide.”

That is exactly how it felt. They nearly broke me and drove me to suicide. I think that is what their goal was.

I think about what happened a lot to try to figure out why it happened. There are so many different factors that contributed. I know for sure that one is medication. I'm sensitive to it especially SSRIs. They tend to make me very irritable which was noted repeatedly in my records. Some can make me suicidal especially Zoloft and Paxil. The doctors apparently kept trying to get me to take medication, but always told me that nothing would help. They emphasized that.

The attending psychiatrist I was assigned to prevented any further investigation. Her resident, who almost figured it out, was ignored. She definitely failed as a doctor because of her biased opinions and stubbornness. - Proof that she was guilty of "black and white" (rigid and polarized) thinking.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder

Last edited by The_little_didgee; Sep 17, 2021 at 04:36 PM..
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous32451, Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, RoxanneToto
 
Thanks for this!
pachyderm, RoxanneToto
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 12, 2021 at 10:58 PM
  #14
"Follow-up will be done by Dr. ---- as an Outpatient. The prognosis remains poor for this patient who has poor insight and a poor support system."

How is it possible to have insight into a problem that never existed?


The author of the quote stated I was a heavy substance abuser, which was far from the truth.

Some of the discharge summaries reveal harsh judgements of character that border on unprofessionalism.

I should point out that the prognosis was incorrect. It's damn obvious.

Someone close to me once said "I know you, they don't."


__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 12, 2021 at 11:49 PM
  #15
There was a lot of lying going on. I admit it. I lied about things and went along with suggested issues that were not a problem for me. Why did I do this? Out of desperation. I needed answers, but all I got was a BPD diagnosis that I readily fed.

I wasn't raised to lie. It felt awful and fed my desperation and suicidal thoughts. It caused a lot of grief to innocent people especially my family. There is no way I can take back what I did. The only way I can make it better is to get my records corrected. Will this make my apology feel more genuine?

No action and words can convey the profound remorse I feel.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
RoxanneToto
 
Thanks for this!
pachyderm, RoxanneToto
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 12, 2021 at 11:59 PM
  #16
One psychiatrist, a man, was an eloquent writer. Each discharge summary seemed to be carefully thought out and did not include any negative character judgments and accusations.

He summed up my entire psychiatric experience:

She talked again about her difficulty accepting the diagnosis and in spite of empathic listening and explanations, it did not seem to
help...

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2021 at 02:56 AM
  #17
I've noticed a pattern in my records, specifically SSRIs and hospital admissions for suicidal ideation. There is definitely a connection that I pointed out to my psychiatrist yesterday afternoon. She admitted that medications can make people sick. Even the attending psychiatrist admitted this during one of my last admissions, but of course nothing was done about it.

After some venting, my doctor asked what should have been done. I told her that I should have been assessed thoroughly and taken off all medications to help figure out what was going on.

Here is the pharmacy I was taking:

MEDICATIONS ON ADMISSION:
Paroxetine 20 mg p.o. q.a.m.
Clonazepam 0.25 mg p.o. q.h.s.
Loxapine 10 mg p.o. q.h.s.
Epival 500 mg p.o. b.i.d. (the patient does not want the Epival).

Kind of excessive!

We talked about possible serotonin syndrome that my records seem to support, but it was misdiagnosed. I mentioned the name of the offender, an attending psychiatrist who I have no recollection of, nor that particular admission to 4 North. She was surprised I did not remember him.

This is turning into a huge project, one of investigation. I requested more records and to consult them in person. The hospital has the paper records I want and offered to scan them for me, which would involve uploading them onto Epic. I refused that offer since TOH's privacy officer has restricted access at my request (the "lockbox"). That action would compromise my privacy and make it harder to protect.

I will not let the hospital upload documents to get around Covid restrictions so they could meet the obligations of PHIPA. No way.





__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2021 at 03:28 AM
  #18
INVESTIGATIONS/COURSE IN HOSPITAL:
Despite our encouragement that Miss Didgee try some Epival to help her with her mood swings, she decided not to follow this course of
action.

While in hospital, the patient again was very irritable and not very cooperative.

On September 2nd, the Form 1 was discontinued, the patient was allowed to wear her own clothes but she was ambivalent about
staying. I told her that we needed to take time to discharge her properly with a prescription and a follow-up plan and that this would be done the next day and that she could use the time here to prepare herself emotionally for discharge. The patient hesitantly agreed and stayed until the next day when she was given a prescription for Paroxetine 20 mg in the morning, Clonazepam 0.25 mg b.i.d. and Loxapine 10 mg q.h.s. She left telling the resident she did not want to take the Epival.

----------

The day after I OD'd.


I think they wanted me to die, so they wouldn't have to deal with me.


They didn't care. They just pretended. There was no follow-up plan.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
zapatoes
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2021 at 03:56 AM
  #19
I also discovered the primary attending psychiatrist had the tendency to mix me up with other patients. Could she have been adding details to justify her diagnosis?

She dictated this:

She, however, was beaten up by an ex-boyfriend about five weeks ago and did not pressure charges.

I have never been beaten up by a boyfriend.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, RoxanneToto, zapatoes
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 19, 2021 at 07:30 PM
  #20
"My Supervisor advise me that viewing charts are on hold until further notice because of Covid-19.

I would be able to photocopy all pages exactly like in your chart page by page for the cost of 45$, this is the same price as viewing your charts and when we get a go for patient to come in and view charts, we will not charge you it."

I suspected this. I guess I cannot complain. TOH is willing to compromise and respect my conditions. I'm just a bit hesitant to trust them.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder

Last edited by The_little_didgee; Nov 19, 2021 at 08:16 PM..
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:33 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.