[Pookses]

My BF has bipolar II and PTSD. He has recently become concerned that he might need to go on disability and/or have inpatient care.

Unfortunately, I have been his sole support for the last 3 years and have taken a severe money hit for my generosity. He is on our state's indigent care program, and I don't know if anyone will take that if he undergoes inpatient care.

He also, unfortunately, completely relies on me to take care of everything (I try SO hard to get him to take some responsibilities so that he feels he can take control of the situation, but he has a meltdown when I try; he can't even look at our budget, nor will he make his own appointments). I do not like this, but this is the reality right now, and it's likely I'll have to pay for any treatment he receives.

Can anyone give me SOME kind of ballpark as to how much this would cost? I am a freelancer and I receive payment in large sums sporadically through the year and I am terrified I will have to choose between keeping a roof over my head and getting him medical treatment.

I have been strongly urged to terminate this relationship. And again, I don't want to have to choose between my own mental health and his. All info would be most welcome!

[eskielover]

To start off, YOU AREN' MARRIED, so you AREN'T RESPONSIBLE for his medical expenses or any of his bills.

I have many medical bills that ended up going to collection many many many years ago & that is where they sat. Hospitals have some funds to cover people who have no money but that's something HE needs to deal with the hospital about that. Unless you have a paper that he signs that they can talk to you about his financial situation, the hospital won't even deal with you......but if he doesn't deal with them, they will definitely try to collect.....but if he does deal with them, & gives them his financial situation, they will be able to either write off what isn't covered by medicaid (or whatever) since I doubt that he can make any small amount of payments & it shouldn't even come down to whether you can or can't because YOU ARE NOT MARRIED. His financial situation in the hospital should be all about what he can or can't afford & the hospital needs to deal with that situation ONLY.

My hospital situation happened because my husband said he would take care of it....they told him he couldn't because he wasn't me & he didn't ask them what he needed to do in order to take care of the responsibility.....so he just blew it off & everything went to collection.

I can see why you have strongly been urged to leave this relationship.....I think that would be in your best interest & your best mental health

[Pookses]

Will they not admit him if he can't pay?

[Pookses]

Will they not admit him if he doesn't pay? I keep trying to stand my ground and tell him I won't pay for things, but I am unfortunately someone who is easily intimidated and as he has been willing to cut himself and has attempted suicide before I'm scared to death of what might happen. He currently is on the patient assist programs for his various medications (he also has type I diabetes).

if he is in danger they will admit him to get him stabilized. most hospitals have charity care,..but again he needs tio step up & take care of it.

i read your other thread...this guy is a piece of work (if you pardon me saying so)...you can not or should not live your life worried about what he might or might not do if you don't follow thru on actions supporting him.

he needs to step up. right now he is abusive, dangerous & not having to be responsible because he knows you will cover things.

to me that doesn't really help him...it just keeps the pattern going...if he wants help he needs to get it..you can't make him.

you said he was physically abusive, choking you etc but then he always apologizes...really? but now you wonder about paying for his bills because he might hurt himself...he needs to get his act together..you can't do it for him.

if he goes into the hospital & is forced to deal with the bills..well welcome to the real world. lots of people have multiple medical conditions & manage or make arrangements. he can too..without depending on you.

& in my opinion..you need to step away before he hurts you more than he has..inpatient care may or may not make a difference with him...you may end up covering his thousands of $$ in bills & he may return bitter & angry & worse of than before. then what.

step away. get perspective. get a therapist by yourself so you have someone safe to talk to.

it won't be easy...but in the long run i think it's the best option...

stumpy

[Pookses]

STUMPY: you said he was physically abusive, choking you etc but then he always apologizes...really? but now you wonder about paying for his bills because he might hurt himself...he needs to get his act together..you can't do it for him.

Stumpy (great name, I love it!) this was a single incident that prompted him to go back to his pdoc and attempt an entirely new medication. As he is also type I diabetic he is limited in his options for medication. He is now on Trileptal, had had problems with carbamazapine (in the same family) but we are watching for the symptoms he had with that and thus far they are not manifesting. Two therapists (couples and his own therapist) and the pdoc -all- agree this was a textbook psychotic paranoid incident and he is MOST desirous of not repeating that. We've had some rough days as he adjusts to the medication but so far he is better each day. He bumps it up again tonight (he will do this four times in total).

What is really positive about the inpatient therapy is that due to an incident five years ago he "swore he'd never go back." For him to actually look at it and voluntarily check in is a real step for him and a very positive one. I said quite bluntly in therapy today that I couldn't pay for it and that I do not have the ability or the willingness to be a caretaker for the rest of my life. So tomorrow he is going to go to the hospital and start gathering information for himself. Also a big step.

I think at this point he will find out what he needs and if its covered by the indigent care program, it is actually a viable and probably good option for him. But thank you all for reinforcing that I do not need to be saddled with this--the way things are going is all for the good.

Much appreciated!

[ECHOES]

His wanting to go inpatient may be yet another desire for someone 'else' to fix things, more magical thinking that he doesn't have to take care of himself.

It's important that he learn to do this as soon as possible, for his mental health and his diabetes management. I'm really glad that you stood up for yourself! It is a big step, and an intimidating step he's taking. Good for both of you!

Maybe there is a day program available through the hospital.

[Woundedheart1]

Originally Posted by Pookses

My BF has bipolar II and PTSD. He has recently become concerned that he might need to go on disability and/or have inpatient care.

Unfortunately, I have been his sole support for the last 3 years and have taken a severe money hit for my generosity. He is on our state's indigent care program, and I don't know if anyone will take that if he undergoes inpatient care.

He also, unfortunately, completely relies on me to take care of everything (I try SO hard to get him to take some responsibilities so that he feels he can take control of the situation, but he has a meltdown when I try; he can't even look at our budget, nor will he make his own appointments). I do not like this, but this is the reality right now, and it's likely I'll have to pay for any treatment he receives.

Can anyone give me SOME kind of ballpark as to how much this would cost? I am a freelancer and I receive payment in large sums sporadically through the year and I am terrified I will have to choose between keeping a roof over my head and getting him medical treatment.

I have been strongly urged to terminate this relationship. And again, I don't want to have to choose between my own mental health and his. All info would be most welcome!

Ive had to be hospitialized several times and am completely broke facing another. There are many hospitial who will look at the individual their financail situatiion and iminent need for treatment and scholalship them for treatment. if he is in that bad of shape you may end up being superfriend and doing the research for different programs that may provide that curtoesy but its better than putting yourself in the poorhouse.

[trieuhavn]

thanks uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

[mharleman]

I just thought I would mention that sadly, inpatient care is not cheap and a stay at your local mental health facility could bankrupt you. I am on Medicare, and was able to get help with my bill only because Medicare is a contractor and can control exactly how much a hospital can actually charge for a service. The bill I paid was only $1100 for a 7 day stay which isn't bad, but it still took me a year to pay it back and the hospital sure wasn't cooperative with me about letting me make payments. It wasn't true that I could just tell the hospital how much I was going to pay and they would be satisfied monthly if I didn't want to have to deal with collection agencies. According to my bill, they charged me $40,000 for the stay, but I didn't have to pay that; because, Medicare covered the rest.

Also, you have to be in it for the long haul, or it's better not to make him think there is hope that you will. You should be honest with him at all costs. You can't be in this expecting that things will smooth their way out. Medications only work for awhile in most cases and then have to be continually adjusted. Likely this will be a life long commitment.

And as far as it goes on the choking, he simply can't be doing that. A psychotic episode is not a reason for you to put yourself in a dangerous situation. It is imperative that he seek immediate help if he finds he cannot control his temper. That's what I find I have to do when my anger seems to be getting out of control. I call the doctor right away, and see to it that I simply don't become abusive. I don't use my illness as an excuse to be abusive to my wife, or in your case, girlfriend. Should he continue to have such psychotic episodes you definitely need to take steps to remove yourself from being within his grasp. It didn't sound like it had been that long since his attack to me. Maybe I'm mistaken. It might be a little to soon to judge whether or not he will do it again. But if he does it so much as one more time, you need to take a stand to protect yourself and get out of the situation. You simply have no choice.

He wouldn't be trying as hard as he should be if he does anything else to hurt you. He can pick up the phone and call his doctor or check himself into a unit all by himself if he feels he can't control himself. He knows when that's happening. He can do it. Don't let him tell you otherwise. You have to be responsible for your own actions in society. There are places for people that are not responsible for their own actions.