Benefits arrr they make me want to end it all

minefield · Aug 01, 2012 at 12:00 PM

For most of you in America may find that this is a good problem to have in a way. We are very very lucky to have a benefit system and to date it has enabled me to take long term sickness claiming Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) because I used all of my entitlement to sick pay. I can only claim for 12months because of my income, basically reclaiming my National Insurance payments which had been taken out of my wages by the government. My 12 months is up in September.

I also got Disability Living Allowance because I have a slipped disk and chronic pain I qualified for lower rate mobility and with PTSD, Anxiety and Depression and with me being at high risk of suicide I was awarded higher rate. This all came up for review this month.

I am so proud to be British and have our benefit and welfare system and free NHS I cannot imagine how impossible it must be for you over there. You all should all vote for it if you ever get the chance.

It does not come without its problems though......

Things here in the UK are all about austerity measures (saving pennies to pay back gov debts) so everyone who is not fully established in the benefit system are all having them stopped and forced to go through these crazy medical assessments. How on earth is a random nurse meant to establish the extent of my mental distress from a 10min meeting? They scored me nothing so now i have to attend a tribunal.

I have an internal conflict at the moment, i am aware that I am my own attacker and in fact I have done more damage to my life and mind than they ever did. I have come to see it as an evil entity that lives within me which forces me to remembers and relive the terror over and over again. Creating a delusion of being there, experiencing is reality and therefore it is no longer an illusion, I am being hurt I am being attacked but it is not real is it. It happened when I was 9. So it is me... or at least someone/something sordid sodomising evil force.

I tell you this because I came to see the tribunal as my sentence, if I was doing this to someone else they would lock me up. They cannot do that to me but I am a drain on the economy and the world so they punish me by stripping me of everything i have left. My home, my car.... ultimately my life because I won’t survive this i will end it before then.

The unbelievable happened; the DLA reviewed my claim and said that they did not consider me physically or mentally ill. What does this mean???? How is inflicting this level of cruelty on myself not mentally ill???? This means I would have to attend a tribunal for this as well. But with the ESA stopping I do not have 12 months to wait for a tribunal. With both stopping I would be left with £2 a week to live off.

I am unable to return to work because I can't leave the house or sustain any level of physical activity because of the slipped disk and anxiety and flash backs and dissociation.

The stress of this on top of the emotional stress resulted in 3 large overdoses.
I did get good news today, the disability (DLA) out of the blue, having just sent me a letter to say they reconsidered my claim and that they had awarded me nothing to three days later... a complete change of mind and from awarding me nothing for physical or mental health they have now given me lower rate mobility and higher rate care.
They are playing with me, sick mind games this should be illegal although i dare not complain because i am so happy they changed their mind....

But they toy with me further, they have only awarded the care element for 6 months in case the mental health services have miraculously cured me of all this within that time. They take the mick they really do. So kept the wolf from my door for 6 months and i have to go through the fear of losing my home and car again whilst managing with all the mental health problems. Yet they get angry with me for having enough and wanting to bring everything to a swift end.

Has anyone else been played with like this by the government and find that they are actually making me sicker and forcing them to take actions like massive overdoses because the only other option is utter stripping of everything I have left?
Is there any hope? How do you manage? How do you get them to hear your pain and give you a break? I did well in school, went to uni, had a good job in which I was a workaholic but now had a mental break down I am not a work dodger yet they treat me the same as the benefit bums, why do they play with us like this? Don't they know its cruel torture?

Perna · Aug 07, 2012 at 11:14 AM

Minefield, I'm so sorry for your current difficulties, having to focus on the Government and all their rearranging and paperwork, tribunals, etc.

Any way you can come up with a plan for yourself in case the worst happens; can you sell your car since you can't/don't go out, maybe downsize your living arrangements, find a roomie or group situation, a smaller flat? Do you have any savings at all from when you were working so hard? What do you do with your time now? Any at-home, computer sorts of tasks or part time work you can get paid for? What did you do when you were working?

I'd talk to my doctor's get them to comment louder about your physical problems. Have they given you any counselling for your mental difficulties? I'd request counselling so you could get out of the habit of attacking yourself and thinking of part of you as an evil entity. That isn't helping you?

Nammu · 12:50 PM

Yes things like that happen here too. Every year I have to fill out tons of paper work proving I still have no money, that nobody is living with me, that I'm not selling drugs and living high off the government!! I really don't understand why anyone with money would want to bother filling out all these forms, yet every few years it seems there is a documentary on TV about people who are getting money illegally-how and why they do it I don't know but they make it a hassle for the rest of us.

This year it all came down all at the same time, when I was depressed. I hadn't left my place except to see my T, stop at a food store, and maybe the 1/2 price book store. I forgot to get my mail for weeks and when I did, I didn't look and it. Then one day a card slipped under the door. The housing inspector had been here. I looked at my mail. If I missed my inspection I would be kicked out in two weeks-My lease is not up for 6 months. Just like a government! They can walk away, but if I sign I'm in for the full year!! I called explained I was home didn't have my hearing aids on. One more chance. Then missed the appointment with the interviewer who goes over all the paperwork plus could not find my paper work, plus I forgot to email SSDI to send my prove that I get money from the government so I could show it to the government! Thank goodness this is a woman I've seen ever since I've had the apartment and she knows this isn't normal for me. She gave me another appointment but the paper comes with the standard warning if you miss your 2nd appointment you will be kicked out--I really do not need the stress right now.

Plus everything they need is all over the city and my printer is out of ink and I can't afford two $50 ink refills. Gas is too high to drive all over. I have to go though tons of receipts for medical expense's, get copy's from all my doc's how many times I drove to their office, pharmacy print outs, , on and on. I needed the same info for the food stamp people and QMB people, and copied for the application I filled out for a transportation for disabilities that I was told about.

I'm still trying to get the interview with the food stamp people. My car died(that was a day in hell) so I called them and asked to please change it to a phone interview. I called and made sure they understood, each and every person I talked to, I explained the reason I had wanted to come in person was because every time somebody is suppose to call me, they don't understand I have a TTY and they mess up TTY calls, the very last person even went and asked the counselor if she knew how to make a TTY call, she said yes! (TTY is a phone for the deaf-on my end I type, it goes to an interpreter who reads it to the other person who talks to the terp who then types back to me)- and I can't do busses. I take pain medication that would make me sick if I go out in the heat very long--it's over 100 degrees out there. The busses that they call mass transportation only run every 20-30 min, so every connection means siting in the sun waiting. The bus stops are a joke.Sure enough, I sat right next to the phone 15 min before they were supposed to call and they never called. Last time I called I had the shortest wait-I was informed my call would be answered in 24 min. I haven't had the heart to try again. Somewhere in the middle of trying to deal with the foodstamp people I called the Mental Health Deputy because all this and my car dying on my was overwhelming and I needing to talk to someone face to face not the phone and hopefully they could give me some resources-but nope they sent an untrained cop who instead of listening to me put me on a hold and stuck me in a hospital for 72 plus horrible hours.

The letter for how much my rent is for the next year is probably in the mail. I'm afraid to go get it. I'm only supposed to pay 1/3 of my income, last year my income went up 40%. At first they gave me a decent amount of food stamps, then they cut it in 1/2, then they took 10 more dollars. Oh the governments just peachy. And if the wrong person gets elected it will get even better.

(very sarcastic that!)

God save the Queen and all that. I was going to say hard to believe that they don't understand the amount of stress they are putting on you when they mess with the security of financial stability, but it's not really hard to believe, government is gov, no matter where. When you know you have this amount for 12 months--thats one thing off your plate--you can then focus on the other stresses. But man to keep switching it around and then say they don't understand why that stresses you. I'm sorry. It is hard, to focus on the healing with that hanging on the back of your brain, homelessness is major. Can your Pdoc and/T can help with this. I feel a bit connected because oddly I was 9 when my trauma happened and I didn't even remember until I was older. So I do relate. My Pdoc's and T did pretty much all the work getting my disability I don't remember much, except I didn't want to at first.

I kinda figure why do I need food stamps? I don't have a car, I can't get to the store anyways.

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Benefits arrr they make me want to end it all

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