"just take ANY job!" & treatment frustrations

I recently moved across the country back to where I grew up... It has been a huge upheaval. I had to give up my jobs with the move. Since getting here, I have been looking for work. I have applied to countless jobs, and even got an offer. The more I thought about the offer though, the more I realized that I cannot do that job because of where I am emotionally since getting here. It would require me to be exposed to (and handling for others) a lot of the same stuff I am currently going through. I just can't do that right now. I have enough trouble getting through the days without completely falling apart. I can't hold others up through the same kind of stuff. I know my wife understands this, and supports my decision not to take the job (she has seen me at my worst, and she fears it becoming reality again, so I guess she is even a bit over-protective). Everyone else tho... they are s different story. I keep hearing from everyone to take any job that is offered simply because it's an income. Even a few of the clinicians I have reached out to have advocated this (tho the therapist I feel the most comfortable with has not pushed the issue, I am grateful for that). I don't know how to tell people that I just can't do the job because of my own emotional state. It would simply bring stress along with the paycheck (but no benefits because the company is so small...). I don't want to fall faster and farther than I already am...

To go hand-in-hand with my unemployment frustrations (and pressures), I have very limited access to treatment. I really appreciate the therapist I have found, but I feel like I need more at this point. The problem is, without income or insurance, I can't afford anything else. Part of me wants to call social services and try to get state aid, but I fear that the fastest way for me to access that would be a trip to the hospital (otherwise it takes weeks to get approval). I know I don't need inpatient, but I do need more than just an hour a week. I would really like some kind of day program, but that is prohibitively expensive. So much stuff comes up though. I don't know what to do about it. It's stuff that happens throughout the day, from interactions I have online and in real life, and from triggers to my ptsd. Does anyone know of a way to access services quickly without necessarily having to be in a major crisis? I have told my therapist a few times yesterday that I know I need more support, and that I would probably benefit from a day program, but he never responded to that really... I'm out of ideas. I would know who to call if I were back at home, but I am unfamiliar with this system... and I don't want to NEED to be hospitalized before I get the help I need...

I can't say I know how to speed treatment up, unless you did pretend to need hospitalization. Could you ask your psychiatrist if he/she knows of any special programs? I'm sure it is frustrating.

As far as just taking any job, I agree that if you honestly feel like that job will cause you too much stress, then I would keep looking. However, I guess you could try to see if you could manage to get it and hang onto it, with support from your therapist.

Just an idea: Are there any support groups in your area you could go to for free? There are self-help type groups that are not run by t's that might be free. For depression or anxiety? I don't know what's available where you are, but maybe look for that? It may not be formal therapy, but I do get a lot out of identifying with others in my situation and sometimes they have suggestions on how to deal with problems. I ended up doing this because I can't afford therapy either.

Carol

Another idea. Note, I'm in the UK, so this may not be how it works in the US.

You said you would know who to call for advice if you were back at home. Could you call them and say something like "this is a brief overview of my situation, who should I call??". When they respond with 'blah-service' or 'the blah department in this hospital', could you then find the equivalent 'blah' in your new home?

Sorry, that's a bit 'blah' but hopefully you get what I'm trying to say

MdngtRain, may I offer a different perspective on "take any job"? Would you accept a job that would cause you physical harm? I'm guessing no. What makes not accepting a job because it would cause you emotional/mental harm? IMHO, you don't have to give people a reason for not accepting a job. If they ask tell them it was not the right job for you. Or you can tell them to mind their own danged business!

I just got the "take the job already" lecture from my mom... ugh. but about 20 minutes later, I got a call for a group interview with PetSmart this weekend. I hope it goes well. I'm a bit conflicted because even my volunteer position is hard to get to (the depression is kicking into high gear). I struggle through it though, and figure I could do that with a paid job that doesn't involve too much emotional investment. I have stopped explaining to people why I did not take the case manager job. LizardLady had a good point, I wouldn't get flack for not taking a physically dangerous job, why should I get it for taking an emotionally dangerous job?

As for support groups, they are few and far between... most of them are in the middle of the day and you have to be a member of the organization hosting them. The NAMI group was more for getting services than support in getting through the day. My wife and I did find a GLBTQ services center that offers groups at a sliding scale, but it's difficult to go back because they were not too welcoming to a couple in the group. I asked about specifically a therapy group, which the clinician will look into for me. I think my wife will continue going to the drop-in group...

it's hard to find the right groups, I know.

I assume you had a reason for moving and going through this upheaval in the first place. I would work with whatever your reasons were, your strengths of why you made the move and draw on those.

I would think about what is in a "day program," what sort of support you want, and I would try to create my own day program, my local hospitals have free support groups as do some of my community agencies; I'd go to the library and check out all the free literature in the reference section, chat with the reference librarian and peruse your county online site for various free or low-cost support ideas. No one else can understand and work with your ptsd and depression as well as you can. Figure out how to make a program that will help you. You had a support network where you were? Remember how you grew that one and create another.

I would look for a part-time job for some income and make a plan for working my way up to full-time employment or enough hours for insurance, whatever I wanted and felt I could work toward "next", when I was feeling a bit more settled and stronger.

When someone other than you thinks they know what you should do, you really are not going to talk them out of their point to view, no matter how you explain. I would cut that conversation short, to save my sanity. I've been there. Lately, I'm even resorting to thanking people for their bright ideas, as I disengage from the back-and-forth that I might otherwise have gotten sucked into . . . just to feel denigrated.

We want so much to be validated, and sometimes it's just not there. Your wife and you seem to be on the same page. That is probably what is most important. You might try going to the crisis intake of a psych hospital, or an emergency room and see what happens. You can flat out say that you feel exptremely distressed, but are not an imminent danger to yourself, or anyone else. That way you don't get an admission you don't want. But . . . you might get a referral to something you don't even know exists. Once, going for 23 hour observation got me into a partial hospitalization program that helped me enormously.

Best of luck. Let us know how things go.

I've been thinking about doing the same thing, Rose. Good idea for me right now. I will just say thanks. I was at an alanon meeting the other night and some well-meaning ppl gave me advice. I just said, "I will consider what you said." and kept my voice *way down*.

No one deserves to feel bad.

Carol

Uhh it would be nice if more people realized just taking any job or any form of therapy is not effective....obviously it has to be something that works for that individual and they have to be treating the right issue which sometimes does not happen.

I wouldn't mind taking just "any job." if someone would actually hire me and keep me on for longer than 3 months.

I had a series of job failures. It got to be so traumatic that I can't seem to face trying again. It's like I, too, would need some guarantee that they would keep me a minimum amount of time to give me a shot at getting acclimated. I think about going and applying at Good Will, or some such "sheltered" work environment.

I am on SSDI since fairly recently. It is awfully hard to live on what I get. The person closest to me in life tells me to just go get some job. I wonder if he thinks that the SSA just gave me the benefits for the heck of it. I only stopped trying to work after a very long, painful (and documented) struggle.