Worried about having to move.

I think sometimes the "month" is staggered; some people pay their rents starting from when they move in rather than the 1st, or, if one moves in other than the first of the month, that is pro-rated; so you tell the first place you are leaving Saturday, August 31, but you get the key to your second place August 21st or something?

Yuck on the fridge! I always have bath mats anyway so I would put up with the bath strip glue marks but it would be a bit depressing; using a refinishing kit though would make it look like new I think, if they are any good at it. With the fridge I would just report it is not working "right" the first week (funky smelling is not right :-) their maintenance people can't really fix refrigerators so they'd swap it out? Or, if you have to pay a security deposit on the apartment, just point out, "Hey, I'm paying a security deposit you'll get interest on for the next 25-30 years, how about a new fridge?" It makes it sound like you are interested in staying forever and want to be treated as a friendly, loyal, customer.

My application for the subsidized apartment is stalled in Limbo. I reported a small asset worth only a few hundred dollars, but I've failed to find the documentation for it. Until I do, nothing can go forward. I shouldn't have even mentioned it, but I wanted to answer everything honestly. I ransacked my apartment and could not find any paperwork for it. Now I won't get the apartment that I had thought I would take.

My assets are so small that they don't pose any impediment to my getting assistance. But I have to provide proof of the value of anything I own. Years ago I bought a little bit of stock for $200. It might be worth about $400 now. But I have to prove that.
I'm very depressed.

am so sorry, and I have no experience in this area! I hope you can find someone in real life who has knowledge of the process and the system, or that someone here on PC can step forward and offer you some insight. I'm sorry that all I can offer is warm wishes and prayer, but I hope you will persist and find someone (don't let that monster depression render you inert for long! I know how that can be?) in real life and or on PC! The best, my friend.

Thank you, anneo. I've gotten very down and having a hard time. I think I am my own worse enemy. It is a monster I'm dealing with. Thanks for understanding that.

Hey Rose Can you get documentation from the person who handled the stock transaction? If not then can you amend the application?

Thank you, George.

I bought the stock directly from the local utility company some years ago. Through an Internet search, I found who is the agent handling the stock accounts for this utility. I've contacted them and they say they've no record of me as a stock owner. I've tried contacting the utility directly, but that is proving very hard. I need to work at it more, have patience, and accept that I may have to make numerous phone calls and be on hold for a long time. Normally, I can do that. My state of mind is so freaked out, I am despairing, without really trying. I know that sounds childish.

The manager at the complex is a very stiff person, not easy to talk to. I don't think she would be willing to let me just withdraw mention of that asset. (I would know, if I went to another complex, just to not mention it.) I feel like it's too late to do that.

For some reason, this set-back has precipitated me into a major mental collapse. What I'm going through, mentally, is awful. Sensible minds would say that I am just doing this to myself. That may be. It doesn't matter. My state of mind is what it is.

It's like I got overly enthused about the apartment. I got all excited thinking I had a direction to move in. My depression dropped to the lowest it's been in months . . . then rebounded to the worse it's been. Now I am second-guessing everything and thinking that I don't really want to go to this place at all. I became very intimidated of the apartment complex manager.

I guess this is what they mean by emotional dysregulation. I get severely dysregulated . . . hopeful enthusiasm alternating with horrendous fear and despair. I have been holed up at home in an awful state.

On the other hand it may be one of those times when something bad turned out to be for the best. You might not even have liked this place. I've lived in a lot of apartment communities and IMO having a good manager is second only to having good neighbors.
Apartment managers have to be tough but not intimidating.
If you can't get documentation it seems like this would be a questionable asset. It might be worthwhile to speak to the manager if she is holding the application.
It's all going to work out but I think I understand what you're feeling.

it's hard to get through by phone to a utility sometimes. can you email them? or call a different department in the company so they can route you to a human being?

Thanks so much to you who have posted today and sent hugs. I am still a mess.

Terry, it sure can be hard to get to that human being. Thanks for understanding the problem. It is doable with persistence. I've become so depressed that I have not even tried today. Thanks for understanding. I did see on the web that they do have an office in town. Maybe I can go there.

Thanks anneo and sidestepper for checking in. It means the world that anyone cares enough to do that.

It's true, George, that I may have been looking at this place through rose colored glasses. How this plays out will give me an idea of what that manager may be like to deal with long term. I don't want to live somewhere that is managed by someone that I feel bad talking to. Especially, with getting subsidized housing. It forces you into a closer relationship than usual. The manager gets to know so much personal stuff about me. It's kind of humiliating, really. This is my first experience applying to a place. At least, I've learned the nitty gritty of what's involved. Painful, but necessary.

I used to work, have a reliable income, be able to support myself without government handouts. This is feeling awful. I'm seeing how low I've sunk.

I've been here by myself. My S/O can be pretty rejecting when I am depressed. Awhile ago, on the phone, he told me that he can't help me because he doesn't know anything about depression. When he had a stroke, I went to a library and read everything I could on stroke rehab. When he had heart surgery - the same. He has told me I should have never stopped working. And I believe him.

bless you, I can so relate. But I know it's so beneficial and a better way to live if you can mostly focus on reinventing yourself. And replacing the negative thoughts with positives. Easier said than done of course, but I encourage you with all of my heart. And maybe do something briefly that will make you feel good, spend time in some way w pet or friend, help out, read, walk, do something creative, whatever. It's different for everyone. And clearly, you're short on time. But maybe a very short respite as long as it's not prolonged avoidance would help. And the best! I know you'll figure something out! I have found over the last decade I've had to redefine success for myself, no matter what anyone else thinks, tho there are some whose opinions I seek and value and are helpful. I wish the same for you! Sounds here like folks on PC really care and want to help and I've seen posts from you, demonstrating where you are of like mind! I think it will be ok! Easier for me to say I know! But just keep moving forward and pls keep us posted! Take care!

Thanks, anneo. The main problem that I have to solve is that, since becoming permanently unemployed, I am alone way too much. The nature of the job loses that led to me getting on disability were emotionally traumatic. I feel rejected and that I am no longer of much value. Other rejections happened, also. Now, except for coming to PC, I am afraid of people. I expect that involvement with people is just going to lead to more pain. I'm becoming frozen in this state of mind.

I certainly do have to re-invent myself. I can't seem to get past expecting nothing but failure. It's awful. I can't logic my way out of this mindset. That's why I haven't been interested in getting therapy. Counselors just want to find "logical" solutions. I know how to be as logical as anyone. How I feel is not logical. I have no interest in arguing about it with a counselor. I've even thought of hiring someone to visit me for a few hours a week . . . like a home health attendant. I'm not that old and don't need home care. I just wish there was some person that could sit with me now and then. I think it would help me get over the fear of people. My next door neighbor got into the habit of making sarcastic comments about me being "crazy." That's a lot of the reason why I feel desperate to get out of my apartment where I now live. I hate opening the door and even having to walk past someone who has said mean things to me. I never had this happen to me anywhere else that I lived. Even the property manager made a sarcastic remark about my mental state. I reported a problem on the property. At first, he didn't believe me. Then he said that he found out that I was not as "crazy" as he had thought. I feel labeled here and that I have no privacy, with people monitoring what I do.

I don't have any history of paranoia. People here do watch to see if my blinds and drapes are closed and for how long. Then they comment on that. It's like I live in a fish bowl.

Thanks everyone for listening to my problems.

wow, I sure can relate! Hard as it is, I still think it may be possible for you to find some folks, and not just on PC, tho def here, who will appreciate you for yourself!!! Sometimes you have to detach from what people think of you, and it can really be challenging. The best!

I'm pretty much the crazy person where I live. I find what helps is being cheerful and smiling when you do run into people. Then they dont worry about you so much or ask as many questions. It's not all downhill - once you start acting cheered up, they will take your word for it and stop hassling you. That has been my experience.

Thanks, anneo, I think what you say is the thing that I most need to make myself believe. Yes, the detaching is challenging. I have to make myself do it . . . like, just go out for the mail, even if neighbors are there at the same time . . . and just say to myself that I won't die if someone says something hurtful, or is unfriendly.

Thanks, hankster, I do try to be pleasant to neighbors when I fun into them. My immediate neighbor has really stressed me out with alternating between being friendly and hostile toward me. Maybe, I just need to see that as her problem. I would never do to anyone what she has done to me.

My experience is well the same as you, and Rose please take care of yourself.
If someone wants to say I am a little bit strange or crazy I am okay with that.
I guess if someone has to be the crazy one on the block, don't take it to heart.
You are a blessing.
H.

Yes, it is her problem Rose. You are such a good person.

Rose, I was wondering how its going? Did you find out the info you needed?

My experience is much the same as yours with regard to living in a fishbowl. But then the manager lives across the hall from me and whenever I leave my apt people are asking me if I'm OK, because I haven't been out in weeks. That makes me just want to stay inside and never come out! I never realized how much I used to do with school and volunteer work until now. I'm thinking of looking into the classes for seniors now, just because I like learning. That would get me out and around others with like interest plus there's no tests.

Thanks, everyone. I am doing better now, and my plan to move is on hold for awhile. A big problem at my current address has been remedied, so I'm not desperate to get out of here. I do want to move, eventually, but my goal now is to do that before next summer.

Thanks for understanding about being branded by a neighbor ( and the property manager) as "crazy." Both these persons have reasons to be glad I'm here. I suppose - deep down inside - they must know that. I get afraid that, once people think something negative about me, it will always outweigh every decent thing I've ever done for them. Maybe I should give people more credit than that. My own mind doesn't work that way.

I, too, would like to take a course.

I still want to use the time I have here to whittle down my possessions. I'm going to try and sell some electronic stuff on the Internet.

Yes, sometmes it helps me a bit, Rose, tho not always, if I view it as not personal and more about the other person. Then, depending on my particular sensitivites that day, I might or might not think of them saying stuff to me, naked or maybe spinach in my teeth. I know, I know, should prob be ashamed. But it can defuse me a bit and give me a good laugh! The best!

bless you, I can relate so well! And sometimes it really bothers me more than others. But at other times, if I can be at all Zen about it, I just detach and don't care. Easier said than done, but it helps. I think I'm as good as anyone else, no better. And that's the way I try to look at these other folks, most of the time. I've found so far, that many of these critical, nosy, judgmental folks really are insecure and need to get more of a life themselves, if ya know what I mean! Be well, Rose!