Housing Help and More

I'm wondering if it's possible to get a decent home or apartment when you live on Social Security disability and have no other income? Or, what programs are available to me?

My situation...many of you are familiar, but I'm posting for those who don't. Also, I want to mention my boyfriend, again, said getting people to help clean this house is "non-negotiable." He just got back from his 10-day Thanksgiving vacation and it did not go well for me.

Saturday, I couldn't get my bedroom door open. I got really panicky, but managed to call my boyfriend who helped calm me and told me to turn the knob and pull, which I already had, but I hadn't turned it enough. He was right that it had latched. It wasn't locked. I guess I pushed it harder than I thought the night before.

I've got OCD, panic disorder, depression, and I'm a hoarder. I'm on meds, as I have been since I was 10 (I'm 49 now). I have a psychiatrist, physician and I've seen a psychologist twice, but then I couldn't get out of bed for most of 11 weeks... I am pretty sure it's the depression. I don't want to come off as not wanting to help myself, but I have kind of put those issues aside (except for the ERP that I do on my own and other techniques I have used for years, but I have minimal success with) because I'm too overwhelmed with my current situation. Also, my psychiatrist says I'm "not ready" for ERP. I *do* want to improve further, but I CANNOT clean the mess I've helped create (my boyfriend also bears some responsibility) because of my OCD. It's ironic, because the mess started because of my OCD and is prevented from me cleaning it because of my OCD. I have contamination OCD, to be more specific, with some other types of OCD to a lesser degree.

I've already had suggestions that won't work for me: gloves and grabbers (they won't protect all of me from the dust and stuff will still touch me), coveralls (won't protect me from the dust that will spread in the air as I take them off), I'm morbidly obese and out of shape, I can't get up by myself if I fall, and "just do it" (I'm too overwhelmed and my OCD is too complicated). I have several cats (usually three indoor, but up to 5 at a time), and they have peed and pooped almost everywhere. I just lost my jacket and bra, plus some shirts because one peed and pooped on them. This situation is not fair to them or me or my boyfriend. We also have a bird who I don't want to lose. I don't want to lose some of the cats, but I want loving homes for all of them, no matter what happens. Problem is, most of them are feral. I love them, but can't afford them, nor am I in shape to properly care for them, and my boyfriend won't. 5 are fixed, one should be soon (but my boyfriend hopes to find a home for her soon--and may have on his vacation, depending on the allergies of family members--and he hopes they'll take care of the spaying, shots, and flea treatments), and the outdoor-only cats are not. He wants to wait until spring to call the lady from animal control. I don't want them to endure another winter outside. In 2014, a month after my mom died, I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia from being out in the cold feeding them, without a coat (I forget why I didn't have one). Fleas are a major problem. All the cats and I have them. I'm miserable, and I have bites all over, especially on my legs, and I know the cats are miserable, too. My boyfriend gets bites, but doesn't complain a lot. I don't know if he's getting as many bites as I do.

I want to hire someone, but I don't have the money, my boyfriend owns the house and they need his permission (which he won't give; just last night, on the phone he said that's "non-negotiable") (because he doesn't want anyone to see the inside of the house--they see the outside is overgrown; he mows the lawn maybe 2 or 3 times a year--and doesn't want the neighbors to see all the trash coming out of the house... Me, I'm over any embarrassment, I just want the house cleaned; I don't care what the neighbors think), and if I could get people to do it when he's not there, he'll be furious and possibly throw me out. I've got nowhere to go. My family is all passed who live in NJ, except for a cousin, and there's some bad blood there. The rest of my family lives in Kentucky and Ohio. My sister is the only one I talk to, and she has interstitial lung disease because the chemo for the best cancer she had destroyed her immune system.

Some people tell me I'm in an abusive situation. He doesn't hit me or call me names (to my face), but he's said some hurtful things, and he's told me he'll use any weakness he can to get back at someone and jokes that all he has to do to me is contaminate my stuff. I've already lost my printer because of one of my cats.

Just so we're clear, I WILL NOT go to a mental hospital/inpatient treatment, for personal reasons, but one I'll tell you is that I go into panic attacks if I'm locked in. I don't just mean a room, but in a hall or building. I just can't be locked in.

I don't mean to sound unwilling to help myself, but these have been suggested, and I can't do them, so I'm just saving time mentioning them.

I don't know if a women's shelter can help me, but I've been thinking of calling one to ask. I can't touch most used things, churches and schools are OCD issues for me (including organizations and groups associated with them). I don't know how I'd live on my own, because I get Social Security disability only. I rely on my boyfriend to pay many bills. I can't live in "affordable housing" and housing for the elderly and disabled. My OCD can't handle it.

The goal was to get my room cleaned so I could use my computer and maybe make some money writing. Then my boyfriend made the goal smaller and smaller. Now it's too get me able to sleep in my whole bed (I can only sleep on one side, not even half the bed, and I can only sleep facing left, because I am more likely to fall off facing right, and falling on the floor would be a major OCD issue. However, his goal is to work in the kitchen Mondays, so he can cook dinner (where cats have peed and pooped) for Christmas. I don't want to ever eat on plates or anything from that kitchen ever again.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now. Sorry so long. I probably left out stuff but I don't know what right now. I have pictures, but I hesitate to show them. I really can't handle more "tough love." I want to live in a really clean, nice place.

Have you looked into subsidized housing? I lived in a very nice apartment as a single mom of 2 kids in one (20 years ago). They charge you according to income.

Contact:

(1) The agency you get your disability assistance from. Many have lists of suitable homes for rent. Contact them too and enquire about subsidised housing you may also be entitled to.
(2) Your local branch of whatever Mental Health Association you have there. Similarly they will be able to advise you on options and will also have a list of available housing.
(3) Check with your therapist's of psychiatrist's office. Many have bulletin boards and you might find something posted there.
(4) if you haven't already, join a support group. These are great opportunities for networking as many participants will be aware of places available in their own residential situations.
(5) do you have 'kijiji' there? or some other 'buy and sell' service. These are great ways to search rental advertisements.

How are you currently able to qualify for disability while residing with a partner anyway? I ask because I just moved in with mine and I am being cut off 3 mos after my move-in date.

I was on Social Security disability under my late father's benefits until I turned 18. Then I got on my own, and I've never been told my SSDI would end when I moved in with my boyfriend.

I'm in some support groups, but they mostly tell me I need to clean the house, but I just can't with my OCD the way it is. There are some supportive people, but they don't know what to tell me.

I've asked my psychiatrist, psychologist (I only saw him twice, but then fell into sleeping most of the time, not going out, and just staying in bed), doctor and even my cardiologist for help, but the only suggestion I had was to call a women's shelter. I'm told I'm in a form of abuse, even though my boyfriend doesn't hit me or call me names (to my face), because he allows me to live in this mess, even if I'm partly responsible for it. I don't want to lose my pets, but I know I can't keep them all.

The cat pee and poop is terrible, and the fleas are awful! I itch so bad. My doctor prescribed an itch medicine for me (Cortizone 10 wasn't doing anything), but Medicare wouldn't cover it, and I can't afford it, because it's over $200.

I talked to my boyfriend tonight, even though I pretty much knew what he'd say. I asked him why can't we hire help, and he named the same reasons (cost, risk of them throwing out things we don't want them to, "notoriety" with the neighbors) and he mentioned something he hadn't before: His job does periodic background checks. My stomach is in knots, wondering if I should continue my pursuit to get out, but I can't take living like this. I'm also worried about going to the doctor tomorrow (he wants to see me because I've had some wheezing going on). I don't want to hurt him, but should I just stay, because it might affect his career? I don't know what to do but I can't stand this.

Maven, this is a difficult response to hear, I know, but it must be said. Your boyfriend is part of the problem. He is what is called an enabler. And yes, this is a form of abuse. Someone, quite frankly, needs to intervene. You both need some help. This is a mental health issue. In some communities there are supports available for just such a situation and need. The start though is to do something about this relationship. It sounds to me like you might be hanging onto your boyfriend in the very same manner you are hanging onto things. The breaking an emotional attachment to things may very well need to start with him.

So reach out to your mental health association and see if there is an agency that can help you with the clean up. Sometimes fire departments can offer assistance with this.

Set some goals - small ones. instead of thinking that you have so much more to do, celebrate the fact that by accomplishing whatever you did on one day took you a step away from how things were.

In the meantime, take some of the earlier advice on how to do a search for a new accommodation situation. Finding a new place is an opportunity to start on fresh ground. But, realise that this won't solve the issue; that, you need treatment else this is all going to happen again.

You're right, that we both need treatment. However, I don't stay with him because of an emotional attachment. I care about him, but I'm not in love with him. I asked about seeing a couples counselor, and he turned and left my room, saying, "I don't need counseling."

One thing you and others aren't understanding is, I'm not avoiding picking up the trash because the amount is overwhelming. If I touch even one bit of trash, I'm dirty all over and will need a shower before I can go to bed, plus there's the dust everywhere. I can't shower because the bathtub is being used to hold our toilet paper and other essentials, so the cats don't pee or poop on them,or knock them on the floor. I am not able to repeat cleaning and showering every day, because I struggle to use the bathroom, let alone do a lot of physical work. I sometimes have to sit down and rest a few minutes before I can go back and wash my hands. And once I get in the bed again, I'm not fully clean anymore.

I have spoken with a social worker. I gave her my insurance info, and she's going to get back to me. I'm using 211 resources, and my doctor is helping me because he thinks the house is having an effect on my health.

In the meantime, the social worker is going to help me find a home, programs to help me get food, medical care and everything I need.

It's not likely in expensive metropolitan areas and even if you managed to find a place in these areas it likely wouldn't be a safe neighborhood to live in. In more rural areas (or cheaper suburbs/small cities), it's possible to rent a small apartment or room with social security income. Many people do, and this was the intended purpose of the program, especially if you're getting other forms of assistance like SNAP. If you're in a cheap part of the country and/or willing to move, I'd say that your chances of finding a place that's clean and in a safe neighborhood are pretty good.

Unfortunately, your place isn't going to remain clean if you continue hoarding, and things could get out of control fast if you don't change your habits. And it sounds like your hoarding has caused you some pretty serious problems already. To be honest, living in those conditions sounds horrible.

While I was never a full blown hoarder, my apartment was an absolute rat's nest while I was in college and had a small apartment of my own without a roommate..... and honestly wasn't too far from crossing the line into hoarding territory. I didn't "hoard" intentionally or anything, but I simply DID NOT CLEAN ANYTHING...... hardly ever. The only time I would clean would be when my parents would come to visit. And even then, I didn't do much, just made things look somewhat more habitable. And as with your situation, it ended up causing some problems.

I rarely took out the trash. Perhaps once every couple of weeks or even less frequently than that. As a result, there were empty cans, meat containers, rotten food, and beer cans and bottles all over the floor. Not even in any kind of bin, just strewn around my place. The odor was atrocious, but I was completely "noseblind" to it. So, I didn't do anything about it or even think to. However, eventually flies began buzzing around. Which I didn't seem to pay much attention to at first for some reason, until someone at a party said something about how their "neighbor never takes out the trash and there's flies all over...... and were saying how 'disgusting' it was and how this lady must be 'crazy'". Then, I returned home and noticed that I was basically doing the same thing as what the guy described. As a result, I took out the bag of trash immediately but there was still a bit of garbage items (e.g. empty meat containers with bits of raw meat still on them, empty bags of fish fillets, beer cans and bottles, and fast food wrappers) strewn around in random places in the house. But I didn't pay much attention to any of that.

However, as time progressed, droves and droves of rodents began pouring into my place. Mice were literally everywhere, and my plates were often covered in droppings. In addition, as soon as I'd go to sleep, I'd hear the clattering (and occasionally even the squeaking) of rodents scurrying around on plates, on the floor, and even would often hear a "plop" of a rodent jumping into the sink and clammoring around on a couple weeks worth of unwashed dishes. Sometimes, they'd also get themselves stuck in the cabinets. One time I woke up in the night and heard squeaking, so I went to the cabinet. There was a mouse in there, trapped. I tried ignoring it, but the squeaking was too loud and kept me awake. So, I just let him out and he ran off.

Had I simply cleaned adequately, this never would have happened. However, the rodent situation got so disgusting that it was impossible to eat in my place..... especially with the garbage all over. Just thinking about having lived like that makes me a little nauseous now though, yet I didn't think that much of it. For a couple of weeks, I exclusively ate out because I just couldn't bring myself to eat amongst the rodents and garbage strewn around.

My appearance also took a nosedive. Because I would simply leave clothes lying around in a pile on the floor and do laundry very rarely and I was often unable to find necessary items for grooming, like a hairbrush for instance. So, not only was I living in a messy home but I also started looking very messy and unkempt.

Nowadays though, I'm a lot better. The key is simply staying ahead of things with simple stuff like doing the dishes right after you eat rather than letting it sit, getting rid of garbage every day instead of letting it sit around. Because if you "do something later", invariably you'll end up not doing it at all. It's all about habits. I also had kind of a thing where I didn't want to bother with the garbage and other stuff like that because of it being "dirty", although I never really thought about it that much. It was just kind of an unconcsious reaction that would kind of redirect my mind to other stuff and cause the necessary work to not get done...... because it was "dirty". The trick was to simply get myself in the habit of forcing myself to do it even though I didn't want to bother with it. Because if you don't, you're whole existence becomes surrounded by "dirty" things instead of just handling them for a brief moment.

I kept up cleaning in our apartments and had much better control over my OCD. When we decided to move, I had been weaning off my meds (under supervision) and didn't realize how much stress I would be under. Long story short, I had to get back on higher dosages of my meds.

However, things had already become problematic for my OCD and panic disorder. And I didn't realize how out of hand they were getting, until I basically "woke up" and was like, "What happened?"

I agree I need to change. I need a fresh start, and I'm going to get one. My doctor is helping me, and I may have a couple of other people helping me. I will be ok.