DISABILITY *rant*

PTSD is a DISABILITY. Bi-polar is a DISABILITY. Depression is a DISABILITY. There are a lot of Mental illness related DISABILITIES.

No one tells people to get out of their wheelchairs, no one tells deaf people to 'just hear' or blind people to 'just see' I'M FREAKING TIRED OF BEING INVALIDATED BY NEUROTYPICAL PEOPLE

And if I get told to 'suck it up' 'chin up' 'grow up' 'you can do it' 'don't say can't' 'have you tried XYZ' ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I'M GOING TO SCREAM OBSCENITIES!!!

I know you can't see mine, I know it's not apparent, but it's there. And a lot of the problem comes from people these days overusing 'anxiety' to mean 'nervous' 'depression' to mean 'sad' 'manic' to mean 'hyper' 'ocd' to mean 'picky' and all of these people think they understand what we go through and they just DON'T and it just pisses me off to no end.

Like, let's say you've dealt with an anxiety episode or a depressive episode, because most people have at some point in their life, why don't you use that and gain a little compassion for people. God, people that have broken their foot at one point don't say to a person that can't walk 'oh yeah I couldn't use my foot for a whole month one time, it'll get better', do they? And if they do then I just... I hate people.

Sometimes I really hate people. And I want to hide from all these mentally healthy people that sit all day and judge me and criticize me and act like they're helping me by picking me apart and saying things that I end up questioning my own validity.

Do you even know how hard it is for us to ask for help? and you're going to give us a 'you got this!' or 'just stay strong' or worse when I get told 'suck it up' or 'grow up'. I'm asking because I've done it and I've sucked it up and I've stayed strong and I've fought and I'm tired and I can't do it anymore and I need a break, I need someone to lean on, and all you can give me is this bull.

I. Hate. "Normal". People.

There are just so few people in my life right now that 'get it', even some of the people that I've run into in the mental health field are so... invalidating.

I keep telling people I've tried and tried to hold down a job and I just can't handle it right now, and I'm so broke all the time which I try not to complain about, but then all these people keep telling me I just need to 'get over it' and go get a job, and the last time I had a job I spent every day planning suicide when I got off and I would drink before I went in I couldn't handle it, and I just keep saying I need a workforce break until I get my meds all sorted and get through some more therapy and everyone's like 'you may not have a choice' because disability takes months to actually get on, and it's making me think hey maybe I don't have a choice maybe I didn't try hard enough maybe I'm just making excuses maybe I can work I'm just exaggerating the problem, and I know I'm not. I know I can't handle it, but everyone is just wearing me down. Life is wearing me down.

I'm just going through so much right now and to handle all of life's problems on top of these illnesses is just so much I just want a little understanding from people, that's all. I don't need pity or for anyone to fix me or my problems, I just want a little compassion and it feels like no one around me can muster that up.

My bi-polar to me is a condition, a manageable one. But I know people who don't respond to the medication as well as I have and I am lucky that way.I guess it can be compared to the Autism and Aspergers scale, as everyone's depression or bi polar is different and some can function as normal where it knocks the sails completely out of others.
I know people who will never be able to work because of their mental afflictions. There are ignorsnt people that com plain about how much money they are awarded from the Dwp. But i am sure that they would rather be fit as a fiddle and earning a little less than suffer stigma and low moods and anxiety and sleep problems. These people need educated. I lost so many people too because of my bi- polar one too.
We all need a rant at times. Keep your chin up.
Have you applied for disability paymens? I am in UK and I was convinced to try, to make life a little easier but I got rejected. I would have carried on at college and did degree level, not take drugs or drink like some people expect.

I understand everything you're saying. Invisible disabilities are extremely difficult for people to understand. I have a service dog, and strangers will interrogate me and berate me all the time because they don't SEE a disability. I've gotten to the point where I tell them it's none of their business and very rude of them to ask a stranger about their medical history. They usually look miffed but rebutted and walk away.

I understand exactly what you're feeling though. I have dealt with this issue with my family. My mom and stepdad sort of understand how it is for me and how I just shutdown or worse meltdown when my PTSD episodes start. My dad is in denial, thinks I just want attention. Like a person needing support and attention is such a bad thing.

Yeah, people have no idea how strong you have to be just to survive with these disorders, telling us to just stay strong and we'll get better? Right...It's been 4 years since my disability diagnosis...about 10 since my initial diagnosis of panic disorder. It has taken that long, with serious effort and pushing on my part and lots of hospitalizations, residential treatment, IOPs, PHPs, my own research and education, therapy, and meds for me to even get to the point of stability I'm at today.

So, you're not alone. The best I can do, which I do from time to time, is be vocal about what it's like for me on my social media. I've learned to be unafraid of the stigma and share my story (not all the gory details but aspects of it) to educate others. It has helped. At least among my peer group and colleagues.

Seesaw

I don't know about US versus UK but I was straight up told when I apply for disability (which I'm doing) that they reject EVERYONE the first time and you have to keep applying. I guess so they know only the people that REALLY 'need it' get it

It's just awful! Because you have to! You have to research and educate yourself on it all and fight with people over it. You have to fight for your life with everyone if you're not visibly dying or you WILL die. The only time I started to get 'real help' was when it got so bad that I broke completely apart and ended up in the hospital because I was that bad, and it was like before then no one really thought I was that bad no matter what I said to them because I didn't really know which symptoms I was experiencing that were 'odd' or 'abnormal' and I didn't know how to convey the seriousness of anything because I was so confused all the time. I literally went to the ER for suicidal thoughts with a plan, (multiple plans actually) and the guy sent me home because I was drunk and on antidepressants and he told me they counteract and to quit drinking and I'd be fine. And then the guy in the psychiatric ward told us we were there because we were being punished and we needed to learn how to behave ourselves!!!

It makes me determined to get better enough to shout it out at people. To make it my mission in life to force these people to stare this ugliness in the face and validate it. To quit turning a blind eye and passing judgement on things they don't understand. I'm determined to make myself heard on this somehow, I can't handle that this is the world we live in. I won't accept it.

How comfortable are you wearing your mental health issue on your 'shirt sleeve'. I don't exactly put my own on a billboard persay, but I am quite public about it. I don't raise it with everyone I know or meet but I do not hide it. People I find tend to be less quick to put me or Mental Health concerns down as a result.

How public are you regarding what you do to actively take on the battle of Mental Illness. In addition to taking my meds and seeing my psychiatrist, I attend support groups and actively engage in therapy and self-help. As a result, my friends and family seem to better understand that my illness is a battle of which I actively take on. I don't appear to be apathetic about my Mental Health. In return I receive a great deal of understanding and support.

It also comes down to self-advocating. I speak up when taunts and jeers are thrown at the subject. I make an effort to educate.

I don't think then people see me as someone 'crazy' rather someone facing a problem head on and doing their best to face its challenges.

In my own experience, I will often get the response of , "Tell me about it."

What if there was no help? No psychiatrist, therapists, meds. Would you pick yourself up and carry on the best you could or would you curl up in a ball and die? What would we do? I guess some would commit suicide but I bet the majority would not. I definitely would have been locked away somewhere for self harm and attempting but there were years I carried on and lived as normal as I could. Not knowing I had a mental health issue. Just assuming I was broken or my personality was wrong.

I agree that people often confuse normal ups and downs with psychiatric disability. I like to make the following analogy: If you've gone to a casino and bet a bit more than you had intended, that does not mean you understand what it's like to be a compulsive gambler. I've known a few compulsive gamblers. They are afficted with a genuine psychiatric disability. Their obsession with gambling becomes a major focus of their daily lives. They neglect financial responsibilities to channel a ridiculously large portion of their income into gaming. Their burning "need" to get to the casino or to the bookie is a compulsion that rules their lives. Most people, including those who love an occasional day at a casino, have no conception of what it's like to gamble compulsively. Anyone can imagine the joy of winning some money . . . of going home from the casino with more money than you went in with. That's not what compulsive gambling is all about. Compulsive gamblers are in a state of constant anxiety over finances because they are constantly having trouble affording the bare necessities if life due to plowing their money into betting.

Similarly, having the occasional hangover from excessive partying now and then does not let one know what it's like to have a true severe alcohol use disorder, formerly called alcoholism. The compulsive gambler and the alcoholic do not have control. To try and stop the behavior causes enormous psychological distress.

Likewise, everyone has been depressed from time to time. Lots of people have experience tragedy in their lives. Neither of those things is the same as "clinical depression." Being upset because you got fired from your job is not clinical depression, though it can lead to c. depression.

Chronically recurring depression is an enduring feature of a depressed person's psychology that profoundly undermines that person's coping capacity. I do wish more people understood that.

Having a psychiatric disability is not a choice. I believe that it is true the the sufferer has an obligation to attempt to manage their disorder as best they can. That is a matter of choice. Character does factor in, IMHO. I can't decide to not have a tendency to relapse into depression. I believe that is hard-wired into my nature. But every morning I have choices about whether to get out of bed, whether to take a shower. Every evening I have a choice about whether to plan the following day and make a schedule about how I'm going to use my time. I can't always conform to the resolutions I've made the previous evening. But I don't have to be totally helpless. I can choose to push back against some dysfunctional tendencies I have. Sometimes I'll fail. But, if I persist in pushing back, there will be successes.

Idk if it's just where I live or something, but used to when I actually would talk about it (I don't hardly anymore because of this) everyone made it into a 'contest' like I would say I'm feeling really depressed today and they would be like oh me too and tell me everything bad that's happened to them recently or if I said "oh I only got like 4 hours of sleep last night sorry" someone would say "oh lucky you got 4? I only got 3" like ALWAYS the people I end up around want to one-up me and it drives me MAD. And I'll say blah blah my psychiatrist blah blah my therapist and the only thing that gets is 'I could never do meds' or 'I don't know, maybe I should see a therapist' it ALWAYS comes back to whoever I'm talking to about it. Like I said, not with the few people I've made close friends with, we share our problems but most of them that I know also carry mental health issues. Anytime I work somewhere and talk to them or if I try to do a community thing to meet new people that's how it always is and it just turns me off to people so bad. Like maybe it's just in my head because the people that are so self-absorbed are the ones most likely to be vocal about it and the ones being silent in that situation would be more understanding if I were to speak one on one but dear god does it make me just want to keep my mouth shut.

I hope that made sense lol

I can relate to your rants Direkat! I was DX with PTSD in 2008 as a result of having a stalker...that I was unable to get rid of. Probably should have had this dx decades earlier, but we all omit major history in our therapy. This June will be 10 years since I have been able to work-->substantially enough to support myself. My 1st disability application was filed in 2009 & I appealed all the way to the SSA Appeals Council. Took over 3 years. Administrative Law Judge ignored my medical records. 2nd application filed within 60 days of final denial also appealed all the way to SSA Appeals Council and took over 3 years. I had legal representation at each federal hearing. Hired a new law firm and filed a lawsuit against the SSA on May 5, 2016. US 6th District CT remanded my case back to ALJ on April 10, 2017 and I got a hearing date December 14, 2017. DENIED decision was signed Dec 22, 2017......had to be a national record for fastest decision. Filed an appeal on Jan 17, 2018 once again to SSA Appeals Council. Medical records have been ignored all 3 hearings in same federal office.

I became homeless 1 year, 33 days ago. I do not have means to support myself during this lengthy appeals process. Yet, I am still fighting. I requested a congressional inquiry of the SSA Appeals Council the week before last. I don't think it'll help, but I did the same for each application I filed. I just need to feel like I've done everything in my power to survive.

I have skill sets. I just can't manage my emotional fragility anymore. I no longer have a family. My parents & siblings and many "friends" consider mental illness a "CHOICE".... similar to drug addiction & alcoholism. I am developing more problems as a result of this long drawn out process of applying for disability, being denied, humiliated for having a mental illness. I paid a lot of money into social security for many decades and I am treated with sarcasm, condescension, and demeaning emotional projection by federal judges who, being much smarter than trained professionals in the fields of psychiatry/psychology, are entitled to dismiss mental illness as a condition for social security disability. REPEATEDLY!! This particular federal office has a notorious reputation for denying mental illness claims AND there's nothing I can do about it!

I haven't been "living" in years. I'm still alive, but I'm not living. I'm not sure I remember how to live anymore.

Thanks for the rant thread Direkat. Ignore those who don't believe in you. Embrace those who do and NEVER give up for believing in YOU! I'm grateful I found this site and the many members who choose to share/vent/encourage and support each other.