[taelormarie]

So my whole life since I can remember ive wanted to be a girl at times. I am 25 and recently I have been working out allot and I've started to get pretty cut and am actually forming pecs. However when I look in the mirror sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was curvy, had breasts and a vagina and I get disgusted with myself and how I look because I want to have that. I want to have a family and get married but I don't want to be a father. I want to be a mother. I envy everything women have and get to be and I wish it was me. The other day my friend she wanted to paint my nails and I didn't let her but inside I wanted them painted. I just don't know what's wrong with me or what to do. And I am super confused because when I see women I'm not always attracted to them. I envy them and want to be like them.

Originally Posted by taelormarie

So my whole life since I can remember ive wanted to be a girl at times. I am 25 and recently I have been working out allot and I've started to get pretty cut and am actually forming pecs. However when I look in the mirror sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was curvy, had breasts and a vagina and I get disgusted with myself and how I look because I want to have that. I want to have a family and get married but I don't want to be a father. I want to be a mother. I envy everything women have and get to be and I wish it was me. The other day my friend she wanted to paint my nails and I didn't let her but inside I wanted them painted. I just don't know what's wrong with me or what to do. And I am super confused because when I see women I'm not always attracted to them. I envy them and want to be like them.

Hello Taelormarie: Am I correct that you're fairly new to PC? If so, then, welcome to PC; or at least welcome to the Transgender Forum. There's not necessarily allot of activity on this particular forum. Sometimes it takes a while for members to find your posts here. Weekends tend to be a bit slow also just in general.

Yes, I can relate to everything you wrote... except the working out part. I am in my mid 60's but I know exactly what you're saying including the part about painting your nails. I do sometimes use clear polish on my nails. But because I'm SO self-conscious about my transsexuality, I tend to be super cautious about doing anything that would "label" me as trans. But, as you say, inside I would love to paint my nails. And I'd use the brightest pink or red polish I could find!

I have quite a few other posts in the Transgender Forum. So I won't go into allot of detail about myself. You can read it in my previous posts. But I wanted to say hello & to let you know that you're not alone by any means. There's nothing "wrong" with you in the sense that you're "bad", if that's how you're looking at it. You possibly just have a condition that is shared with many others. No one knows for certain why this happens. But it is known that it affects approximately equal numbers of males & females.

The current thinking is that, in the womb, the fetus' gender identity (what you feel yourself to be inside) forms separately from the fetus' physical sex. As a result, a baby can be born physically male, for example) but can identify (feel herself on the inside to be) female. In addition the fetus' "sexual orientation", (which sex they're attracted to) forms separately as well. So a person can be born male (again for example) but believe herself, "on the inside", to be female. But this individual's sexual orientation can be toward either males or females... or both, for that matter. Does this make sense? I know it's complicated...

If a person is truly transsexual, the only known "cure" is to transition, physically into the gender the person feels themselves to be on the inside... in other words... bring the body in line with what the brain believes. (We can't change the brain.) This is done through the use of hormones & surgery. But first one must be certain that one is truly transsexual & this requires counseling with an experienced gender therapist. By the way, not everyone who is transsexual goes through a complete transition either. Some individuals find that they can stop short of full transition & be content with only going part way. Therapy is helpful in this regard as well.

I know how confusing & difficult this can be. When I grew up no one ever talked about such things; & sexuality in general was considered slightly "off-color" at best. So I grew up just feeling like I was carrying around a dirty secret. I carried that "dirty secret" for many years until I finally learned the truth. At age 25, you're still young enough to resolve this confusion you feel & to live a happy, healthy life. So take heart. Feel free to Personal Message me any time if you want to correspond privately.