About your dysphoria

I guess that dysphoria manifests itself in many different ways to different people. I don't remember having any dysphoria when I was 10, I think it started when I was 12. I don't really talk about my dysphoria because it's kind of a personal thing. I just to share what I'm comfortable with.

Anyways, I haven't looked down waist below at my own body in.... forever.... just the sight of it makes me horribly depressed, I don't remember this feeling being so strong when I was younger. I have a lot more body hair than I did before, and I can't even look at my own body anymore.

The farthest back I remember having 'weird' feelings was around the age of 11, I remember visualizing myself with breasts and nothing down below.

I'm 23 now, and I experience dysphoria in other ways, but that's pretty much all I'm comfortable talking about.

My dysphoria was kind of a discovery for me when I first began doing cosplay and sewing costumes when I was 13. When I first bound my chest, with ace bandage at the time because I didn't know any better yet, I remember it felt amazing. After that I always felt wrong if I didn't bind. Soon the whole idea of "girl" didn't feel right with me.

One T I had actually asked if it was because I thought being a girl was bad. And Iwas like "hell no! Girls are hella rad. I love girls, I'm just not one of them."

Thank you for replying.

I'm seeing a pattern, it's always 12 or 13 for many people, I wonder why. May I ask what characters you cosplayed as ?

I think 13 is about the age where teens begin to feel more rebellious and experimental. So they start to step outside the box and some find they like it out there. I liked it outside the box, cutting my hair short, dressing how I liked, dying my hair. I like to be me.

We become more independent of our parents and begin to make our own identities rather than the ones our parents sort of gave us as kids. Although many children can assert their gender at 3 or even 2 if given the chance, because these are the ages when children can begin to identify the idea of gender.

I've done quite a few cosplays, sewing them was always hard though :3
I usually cosplay boy characters like Vivi, Vexen, Roxas, Horrus, Equius, and a couple pokemon trainers.
But also my fair share of lovely ladies like Nepeta, Gardevior, and Grell.
But my favorite right now is Crona. Because they're an agender character
Genderqueer charactersand trans characters are my lifeblood. They fuel me.

According to my parents, I threw tantrums at a fairly young age when my mother forced me into dresses. It was a disaster, every time. This was early as two or three years of age, which is still a mystery to me.

Then there is an incident relating to costumes. I wasn't girly enough so my parents decided it was a good idea for me to take ballet lessons when I was around six? There was an event where us kids dressed up in costumes. I wanted to go as a pirate, but that wasn't deemed appropriate - so they put me into something flowery and "girlish". I felt so uncomfortable. Today I'd say I felt dysphoria.

The next thing that I remember (and this memory resurfaced only a few weeks ago ) is how horrible and ashamed and abysmal I felt when my breasts started developing.

There were phases when I managed to pass as a woman and felt ok with it, but at the moment dysphoria is bad and it's there constantly. I started binding recently and it helps a little, but generally my body just feels alien. What's "below the belt" doesn't bother me too much, but my female frame and the top half make me sick.

For me it started around puberty but I never made the connection until I was in my 20s. That's simply because I didn't know being transgender was a thing.

me too! I only knew about trans about 2 years ago

Puberty is pretty much when it started for me too. I wasn't exactly a gender-conforming child before that, but it didn't become a problem of body dissonance until I started growing facial hair.

I was lucky to meet someone who was trans at a summer camp when I was 14 so I made the connection pretty quickly after that.

My first dysphoric memory was when I was 5. I had a lot of dysphoria after that, mostly socially or from clothing. I did want male parts and wanted to be allowed to take my shirt off but I wasn't dysphoric about my body until puberty.

Edit: Although sometimes swimming made me feel dysphoric about my body when I was a little kid...

I began doing "trans" sorts of things before I can even recall. At the point where my earliest memories begin, I was already well into it. So how or why it all started is a mystery to me. I also never really had any dysphoria, I suppose because I didn't know there was anything to be dysphoric about. On the other hand, I sensed that what I was doing was somehow "wrong" & I compartmentalized it... walled it off from the rest of me. So there was my "normal" male me & the female me. And it's been that way ever since.