[trashking]

I can't handle this anymore. I can't. I thought i was okay,everything seemed okay,but my parents. My dad is just the most horrid when it comes to my gender and sexuality. He was calling me confused because i said i grew up around straight homophobic people and I'm still the way i am and i just can't He told me just now "oh please you're always talkimg about gender this gender ****** that you need to focus on school"and i said i don't care about school right now there's a reason I'm interested in this ****, and he said "school is what life is about not that ****"and i said well if i could i wouldn't be alive! He said well you aren't dead so get with the program. I'm feeling really really bad and I'm back in my bouts of feeling..you know. Sorry. I mean, ending it. I won't,i can't,but the thoughts are so bad right now

[CANDC]

trashking, it sounds like you are trying to work out your identity issues with your dad when what would really help you come to terms with who you are is a therapist that is sympathetic to gender identity issues. If you are really having thoughts of not wanting to live, then you should have a safety plan with hotline numbers. Here is a link:
Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan

From a practical point of view it is good you are aware of your inner leanings. It is confusing. Society says you are man or you are woman when we are really emotions and logic of both.

From what you say about your dad, he doesn't want to know. He will probably let you go on being who you are, but confronting him is something he is not ready for from what you say.

Big goal is to get to 18. Once you are 18 and have your HS diploma you can get a job and try to find a way to support yourself. If you aren't in a crisis on the outside, don't make one. Teen years are confusing. Give it time and you will get to know yourself better.

Glad you are joining us here. There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.
http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[-jimi-]

Sorry your dad is like that. And no, life isn't about school. Life is much about caring about those around us, and he is missing out on that. I wish parents would understand how lonely they will be if they treat their kids like crap. It's like they think being mean or harsh makes them stronger, which is so bull.