[starryprince]

I spoke to my therapist about my dysphoria during my last session and she basically didn't believe me and chose to educate me on what dysphoria was. I had to stop her and tell her that I knew exactly what it was because I've only been suffering from it for years now and then I became closed off. It was very disheartening because no one believes me. Just because I don't present myself in a hypermasculine way doesn't mean my gender identity should be invalidated. And that session sort of spiraled me down into a low point. It's been a rough week and I've felt so lonely. I feel like I'll never meet anyone who understands me. I thought I did but me and that person broke things off. I'm just so alone.

[kraken1851]

Hey,

I'm sorry, that's rough! I had a somewhat similar situation with my therapist where I felt he was invalidating my gender identity. He isn't a gender specialist and he did have a hard time grasping some of the things I was saying (I believe). I wrote him a long, jumbled letter trying to explain, to him as much as to myself, why his behavior made me feel so bad. I was close to leaving at that point. But following the letter, we had a good session and were able to straighten things out. Before I felt that like he was constantly questioning my identity (although I suspect that there was also some transference going on at my end). This has improved a lot.

Do you trust your therapist in general? If you do and would like to continue working with her, try to explain how she made you feel. Maybe try a letter if you think speaking to her doesn't work. Otherwise, would it be possible for you to find a different therapist or counselor?
Can you provide her with some resources on the topic that have helped you to better understand how you feel? Maybe she is willing to educate herself a bit more?

Could you try to find a trans* self-help group where you live? (sorry, I don't know which country you are in and whether this is even an option).

[starryprince]

Kraken1851: Thanks so much for the reply and the response. It was really rough, especially since I wasn't in a good place to begin with. I do want to talk with her and tell her that she made me feel really bad and that it felt like she was invalidating my gender identity. The weird thing is that she was chosen to be my therapist BECAUSE she has a lot of experience with lgbtq individuals...So...I don't know why she's been treating me like this. I admit, I have a hard time explaining things but I'm tired of people invalidating my identity. I may talk to her, but I think I may just need to get a new therapist at some point because she clams up when I talk about certain things...But I will try my best to talk to her. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate the advice. I like the letter suggestion. =)

[kraken1851]

Wow, that's annoying that she's supposed to be a "specialist" but still appears to invalidate you and your identity. Trying to talk or write to her is probably still worth a try. Although lecturing a trans person about dysphoria is really a no-go in my opinion.

With my therapist it was more the omissions, the things that he didn't do or say that made me feel like he was invalidating me. But I know that the way I was perceiving of our relationship was definitely affected by transference (so when he didn't actively validate me, a lot of alarm bells went off on my end). Although he did say to me I wasn't dressing in a particularly masculine way. Me: Everything I wear is from the men's section. Him: You could wear a tie. Me: YOU'RE not wearing a tie.

Lol. Some of the dialogues we have had were pretty absurd.

Anyway -- I hope you can find what you need in terms of therapy, with your current or a new t! Keep us posted how things are going!

[Dogfaceboy]

Hey folks.... Interesting conversation here. I'm upset to hear your therapist did not validate your experiences of dysphoria and disbelieved your identity... I am currently is grad school for mental health counseling and have found the information provided to students at my school re:trans people to be very simplistic and misleading. Our textbooks have had paragraph mentions at best regarding "men who feel like women" and "women who feel like men", concepts which I think are not really accurate for how many trans people and non-binary people experience their genders... In any case, thought therapists are usually well-intentioned, the reality is, education around trans issues is very much lacking in schools. I have tried my best to offer better resources and educate people in my classes, but more work needs to be done. I hope you are able to find people who, if they don't already have the information, are open to learning and being corrected. Peace! Pete

[-jimi-]

So the therapist thought that people who do not dress according their perceived gender do not have gender dysphoria?

That is just crazy.

[TheSquids]

A therapist is supposed to help not make things worse. at therapist.
for StarryPrince.